(F&R) Angry Love

He calls me mom, but he does not know the truth and is too young to understand that I am not his real mother. I did not adopt him nor did I kidnap him, he was simply abandoned. He was left with me (his aunt) by his parents at three days old. His parents (my brother and his wife), had drug addictions that were more important than him.
With every week that went by, my anger was fueled by the fact that this poor infant was being ignored by the very people that created him. They only visited twice together before he was a month old, each time telling me they would be back soon to pick him up. Then months would go by with not even a phone call. Both of them had drug and legal problems, one went to prison, the other to prostitution. My anger only grew.
As the time went by, I found that my little nephew had some problems because of the drug use by the mother. His Dr. said it was because his brain was developed around these drugs, which in this case would be Meth I was told. Let’s just say, I never slept more than an hour at a time the first few months and those were the worst. He started to get a little better when he was nine or ten months old. The baby was having a hard time adjusting to life outside the womb. I honestly don’t know how I got through it. I quit college due to the fact that was unable to get my assignments done, it wasn’t even possible online.
At the time he was left with me, I had started caring for my grandmother (alzheimers) and was newly divorced raising two girls of my own. Money was already tight and it was looking as if I would not be able to go back to work because of grandma. Then, I was told by my brother he needed someone to take of the baby for a couple of weeks so they could do some required classes for child protective services in order to regain the child. They couldn’t even take him from the hospital, I had to go and pick him up and sign for his release to me.
The day I first held him in the hospital, I was terrified and not sure I could do this again with a new baby, I was almost forty years old. I remembered how, but it had been ten years since my last child was born. My brother placed him in my arms, he was so small and sweet. Right away I felt a bond, but it was not a motherly bond yet. Not like what you feel when you hold your own newborn. I was a bit in shock at what I was agreeing to. I had said yes only because child services would have put him into the system and my brother begged me. I said okay, since it would be just a few weeks anyway. I couldn’t say no, I just couldn’t. Little did I know….
Two years and seven months later…and the baby calls me Mama and sleeps most all nights, he still has problems with that. He doesn’t know his real mother, she has not seen him since he was a month or two old. Even then her visit was a short hour or so. I have been nice enough to send her pictures by email, but very seldom have a response from her. How can a mother do that? My brother did a little better. He got out of jail/prison (multiple times) and would come to visit him, promising he would get his life together soon and come back for him. Time and time again I heard this from him, but as soon as he got a job and some money in his pocket, drugs had been his choice, not his son.
Life today is still hard from time to time, it gets to be a lot to deal with. My nephew is very smart but has a speech problem called Apraxia, which makes it hard to communicate with him,( We are learning sign language now) plus he’s super hyper. He has some other things that are questionable, but nothing can be diagnosed yet due to his young age the Dr’s tell me. He is doing a lot better these days and close to the potty training time. I love him as my own and even though I wish he could be his parents (if they were well enough) I have panic attacks when imagining how I would feel if it were to really happen. How would it be for me not to have him, and how would it be for him not to have me? He is like my son now, I’ve had him almost since the day of his birth. I truly love him. Have we made it through the hardest? I hope so.
Will my brother and his wife ever get it together and then take him from me one day? Will they ever truly be remorseful for what they have caused in our lives? What will happen in our future because of his and her actions, and will I ever truly forgive them for this? Will their son? Reconciliation maybe, but I don’t think for me, that I can ever forgive them. I have tried over and over, but the anger comes back to me. It stays with me always. I will forever love my brother, although my respect has considerably changed for him.
The only thing I guess I can do is forgive the addiction and try to accept the way things are. I will teach my nephew all I know, to be kind and true to yourself, beware of things that are bad like drugs and always love your family no matter what the circumstances may be.
Even in anger, there is love and forgiveness can begin there.

Good read, lyons666. Got a flag from me. This contest is pulling out some very interesting stories.

Almost could be a true story. I'm sure some elements of it are.

reply to post by Druid42


Thank you for the flag!! Glad you enjoyed it.

I enjoyed reading ... You have a good grip over writing things

Keep it up.

reply to post by yusbutt


Glad you enjoyed it, my pleasure. Dont forget to flag it if you like it.. It's been entered into a writing contest here on ATS... Thank you for the reply..

well... i know its not a great story and there are many better ones in the contest. I really hate that winners are chosen by how many flags they get, but i guess its easier that way.
if you happen to stop by here and read it let me know what you think (even if you dont want to flag it)and what your opinion is on the whole story, which is true by the way.
next time i think i will create a fictional story..im better at that... laterzzzz

Yes very nice. The power of the pen is a power indeed.. Thx s/f

reply to post by CherubBaby


Thank you for reading...and for the flag..

Excellent opening line...s/f!

reply to post by jeichelberg


Thank you.. I really wasn't sure how to start it, guess it turned out to be a good choice.

Well, the contest is coming to an end..Only a few days left to add flags to these stories..
Thank you to everyone who contributed flags and all best luck to the contestants..Great stories!!