Messed up situation....need help.

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
Ok, Ive been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks now. In terms of her personality she is absolutely perfect for me, and she is gorgeous in every way possible. Ive never had a relationship with someone who treats me as good as what she has done in the time we have been together. In the past she has been in two relationships which were both emotionally and physically abusive, to the point where she has an AVO out on her ex, who is also the father of her 18 month old son.

The problem is, she is very insecure, and she sometimes lashes out at me for no reason. But funnily enough, she only does it when we are texting or talking on facebook, but never in person. Her son loves me to bits, (and i love him), and Im really into her, but it feels like she is pushing me away, but then pulling me in, and then pushing me away again.

To complicate matters, Im moving towns in less than two weeks. She said last week that she definently wants to move down there with me in a couple of months (providing all goes well of course), but last night she said it wasnt sure and it was 50/50, which kinda upset me a bit? Im really confused about what she wants and I dont want to confront her about it, because it will be like im being pushy or rushing it, which is something we both dont wanna do.

I really like her, she's an asbolute gem, and we currently have made it known that we are in a relationship. I will be coming back here every 2 weeks to visit her (only a 7 hour drive) but Im really doubtful that she will move down. Its stressing me out a bit. So not sure what I should be doing....relaxing and letting things just take their course or pushing for her to come, or backing off?

Help!

In the long term, long distance relationships do not work and this is from personal experience. A 7 hour drive is a pretty damned long way to drive dude. If it is meant to be, it will be but from personal experience with american women, they want a man they can be with every day so sooner or later she will make the decisions to either go be with you or dump you and find something closer. What i would do is actually sit down and have a talk with her about what both of your goals are for your relationship and then solidify those goals with some sort of commitment so that you both can be reassured of eachothers intentions without worry about who is going to screw around on who or who is going to dump whom. Definately sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her before consulting people on the internet, she may not know youre doing this but you do.

Good luck bro, best wishes to you both!

reply to post by gabby2011


Thanks Gabby, I assume you're a female?

Interesting to see that your take on the situation is comepletely different from the males

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
. I just dont wanna be hurt and screwed over again

You can find your soul mate and you will not be able to avoid this.

You are going to get hurt again, that's just how life seems to work, because everyone is selfish and it's impossible to please everyone all the time.

You could be happily married for 50 years but that won't mean problems won't surface from time to time. They always do and always will.

All relationships have major disputes and problems (well honest rational ones at least).
The strength of a relationship is determined by how well they can handle each other's BS. Patience is the virtue, but it is in short supply.

No one's perfect, especially not me.

I don't know really, maybe you should just let this play out naturally and see where it goes? Just be ready to protect yourself emotionally and don't let your guard down for at least a year or something.

There is nothing wrong with lashing out, in fact it's a good thing and I wish it wasn't taboo. It's only taboo because everyone lives a complete lie.

Not me, I won't misrepresent, I love lashing out from time to time.

Like this morning, the coffee was empty when I woke up. Grrr!!!!

I yell all the time, usually in my head silently, but it is intended as a yell none the less.

I yell at ATSers, I yell at my kids, I yell at my wife, I yell at the imaginary government, I yell at news reporters on the inanimate TV, whatever ticks me off at the time.

If you don't let that frustration out you will just bottle it up. And what happens when the pressure of a capsule reaches maximum levels? It explodes.

Let that steam out constantly and consistently.

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
reply to post by gabby2011

 

Thanks Gabby, I assume you're a female?

Interesting to see that your take on the situation is comepletely different from the males

This really isn't the kind of situation where you should be looking for a female opinion.

Get out now Oz. This isn't a question of if this will all blow up in your face, this is a question of when this will all blow up in your face.

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
reply to post by gabby2011

 

Thanks Gabby, I assume you're a female?

Interesting to see that your take on the situation is comepletely different from the males

yes..I am a female.. but even if I wasn't..I'd hope I could still give you the advice..that it is very early in the game..way too early to be moving arrangements..though it is also the time of that initial "high" in a relationship, when its really hard to see that person move away.

Seven hours is a long drive, so hopefully you will figure out if its worth the gas after a few trips..and if it isn't..no harm done, another learning experience...and hopefully you can still be friends.

Just remember to take care of yourself, and your heart, and let wisdom guide you in what is best for you.

reply to post by OzWeatherman


I hear that man! Just take your time,

A good example is some will see a tree on the other side of the wall and be so excited that instead of taking the time to grab a ladder and take one step at a time to evaluate the situation, the others pole vault over and see that is a cliff with that one tree thats 500 feet tall.

Moral, take the time, and be aware of your surroundings

Again, good luck

All I can say is that I wish you the very best. Take it one day at a time and be very careful. You can't really know someone in just 3 weeks. Relationships take time.

reply to post by OzWeatherman


You know what I am sure I have heard this story from you some time ago on this very site....Ether that or I must be seeing things again.

You really don't want to hear what I think.....

But here is the short version of it anyways.

Do as you will....Just expect some fireworks, for they are surely on the way. But I think you know exactly what your getting yourself into, in fact I think you probably look for it.....So quit playing dumb.

Originally posted by Nosred

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
reply to post by gabby2011

 

Thanks Gabby, I assume you're a female?

Interesting to see that your take on the situation is comepletely different from the males

This really isn't the kind of situation where you should be looking for a female opinion.

Get out now Oz. This isn't a question of if this will all blow up in your face, this is a question of when this will all blow up in your face.

Nosred, please just stop posting

Originally posted by galadofwarthethird
reply to post by OzWeatherman

 

You know what I am sure I have heard this story from you some time ago on this very site....Ether that or I must be seeing things again.

You really don't want to hear what I think.....

But here is the short version of it anyways.

Do as you will....Just expect some fireworks, for they are surely on the way. But I think you know exactly what your getting yourself into, in fact I think you probably look for it.....So quit playing dumb.

No, its a different situation

And if you seriously think I go out looking for situations where I get myself stuck, then you're an idiot

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
Nosred, please just stop posting

Why? You come on here asking for advice then you don't want any advice?

I obviously don't know all the details but from what you've posted here it sounds like you're in a very bad situation that's not going to end well. The only advice I can offer is to end it now before things get worse.

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
the problem there was I rushed into it and let myself get manipulated, but thats not happening again. This girl has a different personality and believe me, we are taking it slow.

Sorry, but 3 weeks and alrealdy talking about moving in, that is NOT taking it slow.

And you are not even in love with her "yet"..? Falling in love is not something you can plan on doing. If the connection isn't there right from the start, it probably never will be, and without it... Well, the relationship doesn't really have any solid foundation to stand on when the bad times come. And bad times always come in any relationship, life is life. Also remember that there is a little kid involved in all this. He needs some stability in his life.

Sorry. I don't mean to hurt your feelings in any way, just being honest and realistic about this. I don't see much of a future for this relationship.

Oh, and I a female, by the way. If that makes any difference.

reply to post by Nosred


Seriously....# you Nosred

All you do is piss people off, so just # off

reply to post by OzWeatherman


Oz, I've only read your OP, I haven't read any of the replies, but I'd like to suggest a book for you if I may. Check it out and perhaps suggest it to the lady you're referring to as well. If she can get through the first 30 pages without freaking out and getting defensive, it might work out with her.

It's free.

Real-Time Relationships PDF

Originally posted by eMachine
reply to post by OzWeatherman

 

Oz, I've only read your OP, I haven't read any of the replies, but I'd like to suggest a book for you if I may. Check it out and perhaps suggest it to the lady you're referring to as well. If she can get through the first 30 pages without freaking out and getting defensive, it might work out with her.

It's free.

Real-Time Relationships PDF

I've only read a portion of the book..but so far what I have read is very interesting, and seems accurate.

I know you meant it for the op and his gf, but must say thank you..because it has wisdom for everyone.

reply to post by OzWeatherman


If you push her to come with you, and she isn't 100% sure, she will throw it in your face if things don't work out 100% as she thought they would. Let it be her decision to move in with you, tell her all the reasons you want her and her son there, and let her make her own decision. Whatever her decision is, is the best one, because it was her choice.

Also, she can always change her mind and move in with you later right? Give her that option as well.

ETA: I read a couple other posts and I disagree with the people saying that you are moving too fast. If it feels right do it. My wife and I moved in together after knowing eachother for 2 weeks, been together for seven years, married for 2.

You really, really sound needy and desperate. 3 weeks? Thats obsessive to say the least. Infatuation as well. You need to put some distance between you two.

After awhile...then youll know for sure. But, 3 weeks? Red flags are everywhere over your relationship. Listen to us here.

Originally posted by OzWeatherman
reply to post by Nosred

 

Seriously....# you Nosred

All you do is piss people off, so just # off

I don't remember ever even talking to you?

Also I'm not trying to piss you off, I'm trying to help you out. Other posters in this thread have said the same thing I'm saying. You're in a pretty bad situation and you should get out now before it all blows up in your face.

If you choose to ignore my and other posters' advice then you deserve what's going to happen. Trust me, this won't end well.

reply to post by OzWeatherman


I have rethought my opinion on this, now I see it more clearly....Everything is as it should be.....Carry on OzWeatherman.