Are you after constructive feedback, or...?
If not, ignore the following.
I like the idea and intent behind your poem. The bitter cold can be felt through your language choices and expression, which is great.
I think your choice to use rhyme really hinders what you're trying to say in this instance though. There are a number of places throughout the poem
where you've forced the rhyme to the point that it has made you write some ungrammatical sentences... for example,
"the chill, upon my life blood is slaked", "never again will I, upon pride rely".
Rhyme is a great device in poetry, but you need to make the choice to either rhyme and be grammatical, or ditch the rhyme and say what it is that you
want to say... otherwise you actually risk hindering your own message, which you've done here.
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wholly owned social content community of
The Above Network, LLC.
This content community relies on
user-generated content from our member contributors.
The opinions of our members are not those of site ownership
who maintains strict editorial agnosticism and simply provides
a collaborative venue for free expression.
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