[F&R] The Disillusioned Messiah.

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posted on Nov, 12 2011 @ 08:49 PM
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He sat by himself, pondering the mysteries of his existence, in a colorful bar in the middle of nowhere, and after he took another swig from his glass of Jack, he sighed heavily.

He was bitter, and the alcohol was the only way he knew to calm himself, having a burning fire within himself to correct his past mistakes. He glanced around at the depravity around him, the smell of cigarettes cloying the air he was breathing, the humans around him dancing to music in a drunken celebration that was only meant to kill the pain within themselves, to make them feel good for the moment, to forget who they were. The strobing lights and dance music did nothing to hide the fact of their inner loneliness, their detachment, and the lost love they all desired.

He chuckled. The irony. That's the way Dad does things, he thought to himself, giving them the Choice, instead of Love, and then watching them repeat the same mistakes over and over again. What's the point in that? He shook his head, and took another drink. There is no end to the madness, he thought, it just keeps repeating and repeating, a virtual flaw in the design.

The fifth in front of him was half-full now, and he felt rather numb. Someone bumped into him from behind, and quick glance around showed him the illusion of a desirable blonde chick, sweaty from dancing, and nestling in for another drink at the bar. Geez, he thought, she's gonna want to start a conversation while she waits. Her inhibitions lost, she did.

"Hi, I'm Gabrielle. Most of my friends call me Gabby."

"Josh."

"So what are you doing here all by yourself, in that black trench coat, sitting here all mysteriously and what not? I have a few friends I'm here with, and we're here to have fun." The scent of lavender wafted from her.

"I'm contemplating."

She wriggled her nose. Drink served, she left him alone to go dance with her friends, the thing that 20ish year olds do. He sighed, thinking she was gone for the night, and took another sip. Such beautiful things in a world gone so wrong.

For a few minutes he sat there thinking about how he hated his Father, and loved him at the same time. He refused to call him, being stubborn, and despised being sent back for the second time. There was only a few things about humanity that he could think of that was even worth saving. He knew he had to power to end everything, destroy life in an instant, as his Dad had told him that before he sent him back again. He pondered why he hadn't used his abilities yet. He remembered the smell of the girl that had recently annoyed him. Thoughts whirled around inside his head. He took another sip of whiskey.

There was a tap on his shoulder, and he tensed. It was the same chick again.

"Can I have this seat?"

"Sure", nodding to the empty seat beside him. It was late now, the crowd had thinned, and even though the music still played, many people had already left. He guessed it to be around 2am.

She sat down beside him, and when she looked at him, he caught her gaze. Her eyes were blue, and had such a depth to them. He caught himself staring at her.

She returned his gaze, and memories flooded his mind.

She was no longer a 20 something young girl, but a very old friend in disguise.

"Hi, Joshua", she said.

I licked my suddenly parched lips, followed by another sip.

"Yeah, Gabriel, I've been hiding. I didn't think Dad would send an archangel to track me down. I honestly didn't think he really cared anymore. You are pretty hot in your current disguise."

She blushed. "You do know, in this form, everything works right, and I've been drinking. We could sleep together, and it's not against the rules."

"Eternity," he stated, "only contains instances of our lives. We can't appreciate our lives because we are bound to this instant. I'm stuck here, trying to figure out a way to explain this, and get frustrated." He looked at her, and she looked good. Perfect curvature of her breasts, her low cut blouse revealing a tempting amount of cleavage. Some passion stirred within, as he remembered his own humanity. He reached out, and brushed along her arm, gently, with his own hand.

"That's why He sent me back tonight, to make Love with you, and to try to get you to remember. In this moment, what is your definition of Love?"

He pondered, his groin beginning to ache, having been celibate since he arrived back here, many years ago. He stayed away from females, usually, to avoid the carnal pleasures. She had started caressing his inner thigh, sitting on the bar stool beside him, her hand wandering closer to his torso, and he was becoming overwhelmed with long lost Emotion.

"Love is not just sex," he managed to stumble out over his heavily laden breath. "Love is all-encompassing. Love has no boundaries."

She leaned into kiss him, and his lips met with hers. He finally remembered. God wasn't mad at humankind for committing sin, but he was furious that they forgot how to Love.




posted on Nov, 12 2011 @ 09:01 PM
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"in that black trench coat, sitting here all mysteriously and what not?"

that was an unnecessary fragment and took away a bit of realism but all that came crashing down when I saw the girl knew he was an angel and that she was an angel too. Man I thought this was going to be some awesome story about some drifter. Nice story although I should've seen it coming with the names. Albeit there are a few punctuation errors like commas where semicolons and periods should be, great short nonetheless. s & f



posted on Nov, 12 2011 @ 09:05 PM
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reply to post by mr10k
 

That quote was meant to mimic a ditsy blond. They don't always have proper grammar, and having been drinking, she was letting it flow.

Grammar errors. GASP. Where?



posted on Nov, 12 2011 @ 09:11 PM
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reply to post by Druid42
 


Not grammar, mainly punctuation. Like here:

"He glanced around at the depravity around him, the smell of cigarettes cloying the air he was breathing, the humans around him dancing to music in a drunken celebration that was only meant to kill the pain within themselves, to make them feel good for the moment, to forget who they were."

It should be

"He glanced around at the depravity around him: the smell of cigarettes cloying the air he was breathing, and the humans around him dancing to music in a drunken celebration that was only meant to kill the pain within themselves, to make them feel good for the moment and to forget who they were."



posted on Nov, 12 2011 @ 09:19 PM
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reply to post by mr10k
 

Yah, ok. Your version IS a bit better. However, this was presented for a writing contest that masqua is running, Go Here for details. I recommended you try your skill.

Grammar nazi!



posted on Nov, 12 2011 @ 09:20 PM
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reply to post by Druid42
 


lol
I guess I will try my hand



posted on Nov, 12 2011 @ 09:22 PM
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Just to maybe be a bit of help, edits are ok and, if the time limit is over, a little PM to me is all you need to 'get er done'.

If you want to change anything, it's no biggie.



posted on Nov, 13 2011 @ 04:03 PM
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Synopsis:

I tried to re-work in several thoughts of mine about the second coming, and how the Messiah turned out to be a drunk instead of a savior. The angel appears to him, but it's actually his own imagination at work, and his battle with comparing forgiveness of the human race for all their sins to the actions required by him. Love is a continuous theme throughout my stories, whether it be the lack thereof, (90% of the time), or finding Love (10% of the time.)

When I read the implications of the [Forgiveness and Reconciliation] contest, I had a bit of a writing spark. The schism in our thoughts is truly because of a lack of real love in today's society. It warps into play the significance of our trespasses against others, how we need to say I'm sorry, but more importantly, to prevent any further transgressions.



posted on Nov, 13 2011 @ 08:25 PM
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reply to post by Druid42
 


Very interesting story.



posted on Nov, 14 2011 @ 04:47 PM
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Actually, I liked it better before you explained it.


It's good anyway.



posted on Nov, 15 2011 @ 07:43 PM
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Excellent story, well presented. I want more...please



posted on Nov, 19 2011 @ 04:45 AM
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This was good and...different.

I enjoyed !


S&F.



posted on Nov, 19 2011 @ 05:00 AM
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I am usually not a critic of the work of others but on this site, people talk about love a lot.

It has officially been hijacked with sex. Not that sex is bad but cheap sex is just that- cheap sex. I like the story in the sense that it depicts a certain pattern of behavior. I don't like it because it seems to not only help understand it, but it advocates it. It's basically a story of someone drinking, having a severe downturn of thoughts and replacing it with flights of fancy with little meaning.

sorry.... maybe I misinterpreted what the story is supposed to represent.




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