DO NOT TOUCH ME

reply to post by berenike


I am a bit of a loner and so is my husband.I am also a grandma
and I have noticed that some of my grandchildren think they are
too "old" for grandma to give them a kiss.They are my teenaged
grandchildren.
There are several on this board I wouldn't mind meeting in life.I am
a hugger,I only kiss my husband,my grandchildren,family members
and my cats.You would be safe around me I would probably cross
my fingers at you and hiss.

You know: I have three things I simply cannot stand.
1. When people get in my face for any reason..known as "invading your personal space"
they do it for a reason...to intimidate
2. when people attempt physical contact with me and I do not know that person very well .
they do it for a reason. to intimidate
3. when I talk with someone who is rude or downright mean
they do it for a reason. to intimidate
I do not let them intimidate me.
when they get too close I look them right in the eye and ask them
"Why are you invading my personal space" they back off right away
when they attempt unwanted physical contact I ask them. "is there some reason you feel the need to touch me"
they back off right away
when they attempt to communicate with me in anger or are mean
I ask them "why are you being so mean to me".
If you want to deflate a balloon all you have to do is in a very nice but firm manner ask them
Why .......The balloon pops every time.
they will not invade.
they will not touch
they will not desire to communicate that way again with you because they do not wish to be confronted themselves...after all that is what they did isn't it...confront you in a manor that was unacceptable?

I think you really need to think about this...

A person shows you a greeting which is quite customary all through Europe and you blow a gasket,

but you let a disgustig animal lick your face.

You need to straighten out your priorities.

reply to post by nixie_nox

but you let a disgustig animal lick your face.

Most humans are far more disgusting than most animals.

You need to straighten out your priorities.

Those are your priorities.




reply to post by 2manyquestions

Since your reaction to physical contact is not what might be considered "normal"

Maybe it isn't "normal" to you, but it is a completely normal reaction, as far as I am concerned.

reply to post by berenike

my upbringing was conservative...then I made friends with some Italian people and omg I hated it. Some cultures are touchy kissy aren't they?

lol

ahahah I laugh now when i think back at my stiff non compliant body being polite. that doesn't happen to me anymore. I just said look," keep your stinky lips and hands to yourself (made a joke out of it)" everyone laughed and that was that.

or I say things like...oh I am very uptight and I don't like public displays of affection.

just tell the other people from different cultures, back grounds you don't like that and they will accept...!

reply to post by berenike


I am so glad you posted this,I thought it was just me and my O.C,D.! I am a woman in her 40's and somehow that gives other women the automatic right to kiss and hug me when they see me.I have children and I kiss and hug them,but most of the time I know where they have been! People do seem to get very upset when you don't reciprocate their over the top greetings or seem even slightly worried about catching any illness they might have picked up.

To put this into perspective last year when all the various Flu viruses were going around,a friend who lives a few towns away wanted her son to come and stay with us.I politely asked her if he had any flu symptoms as my children did'nt and apparently there were quite a lot of cases in her town ( I had been super careful and nobody in my house had any flu last year!).She was outraged and did'nt contact us again for months!

After being hugged and kissed by another friend despite warning I was being careful with our health ,I now say "I won't get too close, I have a cold ( or any other ailment that seems to be going around at the time) and I don't want you to get it" ,so I look like I am being courteous to them but I avoid the invasion of personal space that bothers me so much.

Oh...... I do open doors with my elbows and don't use the handrail on the stairs on any trips to the hospital so it is'nt just people I am wary of!! (but I did'nt get the norovirus that everyone else seemed to get!!)

Thanks to everyone for the replies, many of which have been supportive, insightful and / or helpful.

mamabeth - I'd find your greeting way more acceptable than a bear hug and a slobber. You reminded me of the time I was in a shop near a cathedral. It sold religious icons and books. I was about to pick up something to get a closer look and my friend piped up "Careful, you'll burn your fingers".

Broken Circles - Thanks. I remember you from another of my threads where I was expressing some sadness. I appreciated your post then, and those made by some very sweet people.

Nixie - In the spirit of not grinning and bearing it any more, which a few people have advised me is a Bad Thing, your post was mean and unhelpful.

I've never yet caught a disease from an animal, but I've caught plenty from people: mumps, measles, chicken pox, flu, colds.

My priorities are fine thanks. I like animals and they like me. I also understand that they may have an ulterior motive when they lick me and give me cuddles. They're probably hoping for a treat. Trying to work out what other people want is a bloody nightmare.

* * *

Anyway, there's room for everyone in the world and I do understand that we all see it differently. Unfortunately there are people who aren't content to understand those like me and who insist on being hurt or offended if their unwanted attention is rejected. And it is bullying and manipulative.

mistermonculous raised a very good point. What do you do if you've made it clear to someone that some form of behaviour is unacceptable to you, and they do it anyway? If you have to mention it twice you're likely to get the injured innocence routine and you look like the bad guy

In case anyone is wondering, I'm generally a kind and helpful person. No malice, no ill-will, until or unless someone upsets me. I just don't like physical contact from other people.

reply to post by berenike


My post makes it sound like the only reason I don't want personal contact is because I am hygeine mad and I suppose that is a big part of it but it is because sometimes people don't have the right to invade my personal space.

Shop assisstants getting right in my face annoys me and other mothers who think to speak to you they have to stand two inches from my face also bothers me.I don't like crowds but I can tolerate them but I won't verbally explode unless someone is verbally or physically rude to me. I think am a kind and helpful person as well but I just think that people don't know boundaries any more.

reply to post by saratoga123


Crowds can be very difficult to cope with. When I lived in the city I could quite happily tolerate a crowded environment up to a point then I'd just have to escape. I knew exactly when the 'moment' came and I never argued about it, I'd just scoot off down a side street or something.

I can easily understand that hygiene, or lack of it, can be a factor in a person's unwillingness to engage in close personal contact. Although, of course, not the only reason. I haven't much room to talk on that one, having admitted my openness to being jumped on by any and every dopey creature (other than human) who'd be prepared to jump me

Hmm - mothers. Most mothers (other than my own) that I've ever met tend to treat me as one of the kids. How embarrassing when you're the same age as the adult not the offspring

It's only people that bother me too! At this moment a cat is trying to rip off my fingers as I type and the other five are probably rolling around in the Catnip outside!
We live next to a fields of Bullocks and our cats have a lovely habit of walking in cow dung and then walking inside so although I sound like Howard Hughes is really is only people that can mentally unhinge me.

reply to post by BrokenCircles


It's not normal to have such repulsion to physical contact from people unless those people are diseased, haven't bathed in a week, and so forth. You can think it's normal all you want, fact is that it isn't. You can feel uncomfortable when it comes to contact with certain individuals (that's normal), you can feel inconvenienced,... but to have strong repulsion to all human contact is not normal. It's unusual. Nobody is saying you can't feel that way, all I'm saying is that obviously this sort of repulsion causes problems for the person affected, or the people around that person.

reply to post by 2manyquestions


Honestly, it's not a problem.

I don't spend much time around people, socially. There's hardly anyone close for me to worry about and the sort of people I choose to be friends with aren't the sort who are 'all over' me.

It's other people's friends and acquaintances who are the problem People who have no 'right' to expect me to want them to hug and kiss me.

I just don't 'get' why anyone would want physical contact with those who mean absolutely nothing to them - unless there's an ulterior motive. It's certainly not what I'd call friendly behaviour. It's deeply suspicious.

I was introduced to someone at the theatre once. I suddenly found myself locked in an embrace with someone I'd never seen before. Friendly? Maybe. The person concerned was a nice person and I was in a good mood so I wasn't too put out, but I wonder if people like to be seen doling out these displays in public because they think it makes them look good and popular.

No surprise to me, I agree with Brokencircles

Being polite is overrated.

Luckily, I'm not shy about it
I am always honest.


In most cases, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that I can see for ANYONE to touch me.


I ask permission before I hug anyone, I expect the same courtesy.

People who think I'm rude got it completely backwards. The person invading my space without asking is being rude. They deserve to get their head bitten off.

Think about it. Even in a handshake situation, you extend your hand as a request. You don't just grab someones hand and start shaking them.

reply to post by 2manyquestions

Originally posted by 2manyquestions

[color=E8BCD6]You can think it's normal all you want, fact is that it isn't.

Normal is a matter of opinion. I cannot tell you what is normal for you.

What causes you to think that you know better than I do, about what is normal for me?


[color=F5FFB5]An example:

[color=BDFFFF]Some people drive their cars on the left side of the road. That is normal for them.
[color=FFD5BD]Other people drive on the right side of the road. The right side is normal for them.


[color=F5FFB5]Based on your logic, they cannot both be correct, so tell me who is wrong.
Which side is the 'normal' side?


[color=BDFFFF]A) Are the left-side drivers wrong?
[color=F5FFB5]or
[color=FFD5BD]B) Are the right-side drivers wrong?

Originally posted by BrokenCircles
reply to post by 2manyquestions

 

Originally posted by 2manyquestions

[color=E8BCD6]You can think it's normal all you want, fact is that it isn't.

Normal is a matter of opinion. I cannot tell you what is normal for you.

What causes you to think that you know better than I do, about what is normal for me?

 

 

[color=F5FFB5]An example:

[color=BDFFFF]Some people drive their cars on the left side of the road. That is normal for them.
[color=FFD5BD]Other people drive on the right side of the road. The right side is normal for them.


[color=F5FFB5]Based on your logic, they cannot both be correct, so tell me who is wrong.
Which side is the 'normal' side?


[color=BDFFFF]A) Are the left-side drivers wrong?
[color=F5FFB5]or
[color=FFD5BD]B) Are the right-side drivers wrong?

edit on 10/25/11 by BrokenCircles because: (no reason given)

Well, since in most countries around the world you drive on the right side of the road, it would stand that people driving on the right side of the road are more "normal" than those driving on the left side of the road. I think you're confusing the word "normal" with the word "wrong". Just because something isn't "normal" doesn't mean it's "wrong". Sometimes abnormal can be associated with "wrong", but not always.

EDIT to add definition of "normal" :

1. Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical: normal room temperature; one's normal weight; normal diplomatic relations.
2. Biology Functioning or occurring in a natural way; lacking observable abnormalities or deficiencies.
3. Abbr. n or N Chemistry
a. Designating a solution having one gram equivalent weight of solute per liter of solution.
b. Designating an aliphatic hydrocarbon having a straight and unbranched chain of carbon atoms.
4. Mathematics
a. Being at right angles; perpendicular.
b. Perpendicular to the direction of a tangent line to a curve or a tangent plane to a surface.
5.
a. Relating to or characterized by average intelligence or development.
b. Free from mental illness; sane.
n.
1. Something normal; the standard: scored close to the normal.
2. The usual or expected state, form, amount, or degree.

reply to post by 2manyquestions

So now there is a 'more normal'??

Take a look at what you previously said to me↓

It's not normal to have....

[color=FFAB6B]You can think it's normal all you want, fact is that it isn't.

.....is not normal. It's unusual.

Now is that truly a Fact?

Or is that nothing more than Your opinion?

I think you're confusing the word "normal" with the word "wrong".

Not at all.
I think you are blatantly disregarding the very clear point that I made.


[color=9CFFF8]Normal is a matter of opinion.
You do not know what is normal for me.

Originally posted by BrokenCircles
reply to post by 2manyquestions

 

So now there is a 'more normal'??

Take a look at what you previously said to me↓

It's not normal to have....

[color=FFAB6B]You can think it's normal all you want, fact is that it isn't.

.....is not normal. It's unusual.

Now is that truly a Fact?

Or is that nothing more than Your opinion?

I think you're confusing the word "normal" with the word "wrong".

Not at all.
I think you are blatantly disregarding the very clear point that I made.


[color=9CFFF8]Normal is a matter of opinion.
You do not know what is normal for me.

edit on 10/25/11 by BrokenCircles because: (no reason given)

There is a BIG difference between what is normal for you, and what is normal for the world. For example it is normal for a schizophrenic to believe the TV is talking to them, but it is NOT normal for a person to be schizophrenic. Do you understand that difference? If most of the world was schizophrenic, then the schizophrenic could be considered "normal". Most of the world is not schizophrenic, therefore a schizophrenic is not normal.

reply to post by 2manyquestions


as long as the schizophrenic doesn't try to hug me
we're square

reply to post by Forevever


Hah.

To the OP...
Seriously though, fairs fair I guess but instead of getting angry about it just politely explain yourself. Not to your friend but to those doing it.

And as it's been mentioned you should stay away from Europe, you'll get kissed by both sexes so I'm not certain how you would cope with that.

reply to post by 2manyquestions


Is it a normal habit of yours, to completely dismiss and refuse the fact that you have been proven wrong?


[color=9CFFF8]Normal is a matter of opinion, and nothing more. Just because an opinion is yours, that does not automatically make it a fact. It is still an opinion.