because women are women. I mean Ive had a few approach me, but they are usually way under my league (just my luck ) And the reason woman typically dont is because so many guys approach them, so there is no need too. Which I find rather wierd. why wouldnt women want to take more control in the direction of their relationships? Do they ever wonder or have regrets about maybe not approaching someone? very strange indeed, one would best be suspect of their motives.

Originally posted by supine

I think you are spending to much time trying to figure women out, and just people in general.

Relax! Sometimes working to hard at something can push away that which you seek!

Not necessarily the case, if you read my OP you will see it has to do with discussion. Topics for discussion are just that, nothing more or less, don't try to read into it to much.

It's like a double edged sword, if we don't work hard at something we get blamed for not working hard enough, and when we work hard at something, some say we are working too hard.

FYI, Realtruth has a very healthy relationship based on common interest groups method.

I was out the other night with a group of friends watching all the guys work the bar, and thought hmmmm why are the women not working the bar as hard as the men?

I figured that some knowledgeable women on ATS could give males their perspective, maybe to help understand better.

Alrighty!

Now off to a Halloween Bash. Night all.

RT

I'll be honest, a guy that knows what he wants and is willing to go after it (in life) is attractive. I'm sure that a hundred self-help guru's have written a hundred different ways to go about attracting another, but confidence in self and willingness to take a risk on something or someone is a trait I think both sexes are drawn to.

ETA: to the question specifically, in my personal experience it depends on the moment and the guy. There are times when we do make the first move, there are times when we don't. There aren't "rules" for this anymore, thank God. Both sexes should rely on their gut, it will help make the choice much easier...

They do make the first move... just not to you.

Originally posted by Nosred
They do make the first move... just not to you.

Nosred how can I compete when your in the room.


Long time no chat where have you been?

Originally posted by vintagelace
I'll be honest, a guy that knows what he wants and is willing to go after it (in life) is attractive. I'm sure that a hundred self-help guru's have written a hundred different ways to go about attracting another, but confidence in self and willingness to take a risk on something or someone is a trait I think both sexes are drawn to.

ETA: to the question specifically, in my personal experience it depends on the moment and the guy. There are times when we do make the first move, there are times when we don't. There aren't "rules" for this anymore, thank God. Both sexes should rely on their gut, it will help make the choice much easier...

edit on 22-10-2011 by vintagelace because: (no reason given)

Vintagelace,

I think you hit the nail on the head, confidence is key.

Originally posted by Realtruth

I was out the other night with a group of friends watching all the guys work the bar, and thought hmmmm why are the women not working the bar as hard as the men?

Like I mentioned earlier, women at bars don't work them, because if a guy approaches her at a bar, she knows she will probably be offered a drink that she won't have to pay for! Bars should be for having fun, and any time I have been at one, work of any sort has been the last thing on my mind. Also, I don't know about any other women here on ATS, but I made a rule that I would never date any guy I ever met at a bar. Yep, I'll take your drink, and even talk to you but I won't ever date you!

I figured that some knowledgeable women on ATS could give males their perspective, maybe to help understand better.

Try going up to a woman at the grocery store and ask her if she has a particular recipe for some item you are looking to buy. A guy who has an interest in cooking? LOL, also ask her which dish soap works the best on greasy pots and pans! A cook who does dishes? That gets my attention! Just a hint though, this did not work for me when I had a child in the grocery cart with me!

Originally posted by supine

Try going up to a woman at the grocery store and ask her if she has a particular recipe for some item you are looking to buy. A guy who has an interest in cooking? LOL, also ask her which dish soap works the best on greasy pots and pans! A cook who does dishes? That gets my attention! Just a hint though, this did not work for me when I had a child in the grocery cart with me!

Interesting I am sure the men here are taking notes. Guy's you hear that? Child in cart is a big no no, especially when they are pulling things off the shelf.

Supine lol, I know about the kid in the cart thing, my son used to pull at anything in arms length, my answer to that after the first time was leave him home with mom, or grandma. Especially after grabbing a bag of popcorn and spreading it, over the entire aisle before I could blink my eye.

The recipe comment, just brilliant but guys remember you better know how to cook, if you land her that way.

Originally posted by Saucerwench
I am a woman, and I made a first move, ONCE. And NEVER AGAIN.

Years back. I had an extreme crush on this dude who was a Narcissist Sociopath (Yes my layman's diagnosis, but he fits ALL the clinical symtoms) and I finally after a long time, told him that I was attracted to him (he had a girlfriend) and I said "I know your not available, but..." And he answered, "I'm flattered, but yes, I'm not available." Slapped down!!!

Of course I'm at an age now, where none of this is relevent presently, nor bothers me.

I agree with the above, except my first move on a man, well it ended up with me getting stitches and having a few broken extremities as he thought (and I to this day cannot figure out why) that I was somehow trying to use mind control on him. Totally spazzed out, and that ended my foray with tryin to show how interested I was.

It's been interesting to hear what the women have to say, it appears when they are hurt, this puts a huge damper on there future plans to ask men out.

Sometimes it seems these days people just do not want relationships because they are more trouble than there worth.

What happened to the days where men and women got along?

A little humor to lighten up the topic:

Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.

Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.

Originally posted by Realtruth


A little humor to lighten up the topic:

Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.

Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.

Isnt that called going to bed with beer goggles on?

I have to say, that in most of my past relationships (even my marriage), the gal made the first move.

For one thing, I seem to be pretty oblivious to knowing whether or not a gal is just being flirty, or truly interested. For another thing, I find it to be a major turn-on.

Whether shyness, or just fear of rejection, don't know. I do exude confidence though, in most settings...but to me, a gal taking the initiative just does it for me....

Of course, I have some really weird thing (almost like a superpower to me), where it's almost as if I have all of the perks of a gay friend (like them saying or doing pretty much anything around me they wouldn't in front of other guys), yet while realizing I am perfectly straight, and very much into gals and sex. I think a lot of it comes down to being a good listener and generally thoughtful towards all women, not just my wife.

One issue, I believe, that has been looked over in this thread is what (now) women have observed in their own families while children. I understand that we all grow up -- well at least most of us eventually -- and develop our own patterns, but the interactions, and narratives of our parents are deeply embedded in us and will determine how we react to our better halves in future circumstances.

My parents encouraged me to be a "career" person: i.e., "You *will* go to college, grad./professional school, etc." from the beginning. And until you are older, you accept that as truth.

However, on the other hand, my mother plays a more traditional-type of wife/mother, and so when it comes to men, I would always expect them to "lead the way" so to speak. I wouldn't dare of thinking of making a "First Move" as that (according to my up-bringing) is not the way a *real lady* would act.

Sounds antiquated, I know, but without going into so much psychology, it makes sense when you study genograms and such.

Hope this adds yet another perspective.