Why Don't Women Make The First Move These Days?

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posted on Oct, 22 2011 @ 06:33 PM
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Originally posted by ErtaiNaGia
reply to post by Vandettas
 



I hope that I don't sound like I'm whining but gosh I wish some of the women who see themselves as goddesses (I know some men on ATS know some like that) would spend a day in the shoes of a guy trying to chase the women he loves.


Actually, there is a story of one woman who did just that... she dressed as, and pretended to be a man for 18 months....

She was institutionalized in a mental hospital for depression after that.


Vincent's book Self-Made Man retells an eighteen-month experiment in which she disguised herself as a man. This follows in the tradition of undercover journalism such as Black Like Me. Vincent talked about the experience in HARDtalk extra on BBC on April 21, 2006 and described her experiences in male-male and male-female relationships. She joined an all-male bowling club, joined a men's therapy group, went to strip clubs and visited Catholic monks in a cloister. She dated women and describes how inferior she felt. Vincent writes about how the only time she has ever been considered excessively feminine was during her stint as a man: her alter ego, Ned, was assumed to be gay on several occasions, and features which in her as a woman had been seen as “butch” became oddly effeminate when seen in a man. (She is a lesbian.) Vincent asserts that, since the experiment, she has never been more glad to be female.

...

Her most recent book is Voluntary Madness, about her experiences as an inpatient in three different mental hospitals. Suffering from depression after her eighteen months living disguised as a man, Vincent felt she was a danger to herself.

en.wikipedia.org...


Well, there you have it folks...




posted on Oct, 22 2011 @ 06:42 PM
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because women are women. I mean Ive had a few approach me, but they are usually way under my league (just my luck
) And the reason woman typically dont is because so many guys approach them, so there is no need too. Which I find rather wierd. why wouldnt women want to take more control in the direction of their relationships? Do they ever wonder or have regrets about maybe not approaching someone? very strange indeed, one would best be suspect of their motives.




posted on Oct, 22 2011 @ 06:57 PM
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Originally posted by supine

I think you are spending to much time trying to figure women out, and just people in general.

Relax! Sometimes working to hard at something can push away that which you seek!


Not necessarily the case, if you read my OP you will see it has to do with discussion. Topics for discussion are just that, nothing more or less, don't try to read into it to much.

It's like a double edged sword, if we don't work hard at something we get blamed for not working hard enough, and when we work hard at something, some say we are working too hard.

FYI, Realtruth has a very healthy relationship based on common interest groups method.

I was out the other night with a group of friends watching all the guys work the bar, and thought hmmmm why are the women not working the bar as hard as the men?

I figured that some knowledgeable women on ATS could give males their perspective, maybe to help understand better.

Alrighty!

Now off to a Halloween Bash. Night all.

RT

edit on 22-10-2011 by Realtruth because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 22 2011 @ 10:33 PM
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I'll be honest, a guy that knows what he wants and is willing to go after it (in life) is attractive. I'm sure that a hundred self-help guru's have written a hundred different ways to go about attracting another, but confidence in self and willingness to take a risk on something or someone is a trait I think both sexes are drawn to.

ETA: to the question specifically, in my personal experience it depends on the moment and the guy. There are times when we do make the first move, there are times when we don't. There aren't "rules" for this anymore, thank God. Both sexes should rely on their gut, it will help make the choice much easier...


edit on 22-10-2011 by vintagelace because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 22 2011 @ 10:59 PM
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They do make the first move... just not to you.



posted on Oct, 22 2011 @ 11:34 PM
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Originally posted by Nosred
They do make the first move... just not to you.



Nosred how can I compete when your in the room.



Long time no chat where have you been?



posted on Oct, 22 2011 @ 11:41 PM
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Originally posted by vintagelace
I'll be honest, a guy that knows what he wants and is willing to go after it (in life) is attractive. I'm sure that a hundred self-help guru's have written a hundred different ways to go about attracting another, but confidence in self and willingness to take a risk on something or someone is a trait I think both sexes are drawn to.

ETA: to the question specifically, in my personal experience it depends on the moment and the guy. There are times when we do make the first move, there are times when we don't. There aren't "rules" for this anymore, thank God. Both sexes should rely on their gut, it will help make the choice much easier...


edit on 22-10-2011 by vintagelace because: (no reason given)


Vintagelace,

I think you hit the nail on the head, confidence is key.

edit on 23-10-2011 by Realtruth because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 23 2011 @ 12:30 AM
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reply to post by Realtruth
 



Why Don't Women Make The First Move These Days?,


They do, you are just missing out, had none find you appealling enough for them to bother.

Yes they do make the first move, that's how I met my wife.



posted on Oct, 23 2011 @ 04:21 AM
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Originally posted by Realtruth

I was out the other night with a group of friends watching all the guys work the bar, and thought hmmmm why are the women not working the bar as hard as the men?


Like I mentioned earlier, women at bars don't work them, because if a guy approaches her at a bar, she knows she will probably be offered a drink that she won't have to pay for! Bars should be for having fun, and any time I have been at one, work of any sort has been the last thing on my mind. Also, I don't know about any other women here on ATS, but I made a rule that I would never date any guy I ever met at a bar. Yep, I'll take your drink, and even talk to you but I won't ever date you!


I figured that some knowledgeable women on ATS could give males their perspective, maybe to help understand better.


Try going up to a woman at the grocery store and ask her if she has a particular recipe for some item you are looking to buy. A guy who has an interest in cooking? LOL, also ask her which dish soap works the best on greasy pots and pans! A cook who does dishes? That gets my attention! Just a hint though, this did not work for me when I had a child in the grocery cart with me!



posted on Oct, 23 2011 @ 09:56 AM
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Originally posted by acrux
reply to post by Realtruth
 



Why Don't Women Make The First Move These Days?,


They do, you are just missing out, had none find you appealling enough for them to bother.

Yes they do make the first move, that's how I met my wife.


Wonderful for you. I am glad you thought of a constructive polite answer to the original question, I'm sure the folks here on ATS will appreciate your wisdom.

This thread is about trying helping others to understand the opposite sex, some folks here on ATS look to bridge the gap, and might not be as fortunate as yourself.

I listen quite intently, in chat on ATS, and to what people post about trying to meet someone, so I thought a thread may help people here find a more suitable environment to meet people.

A poster mentioned something about common interest groups, which was one answer I was hoping for.

Just because someone is married doesn't mean life is wonderful, in fact 60% of all marriage these days fail and the other 40% could be in the gray area of failing from time to time.

I think communication, common interests, and not being self-centered makes for a healthy relationship.

edit on 23-10-2011 by Realtruth because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 23 2011 @ 10:26 AM
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Originally posted by supine

Try going up to a woman at the grocery store and ask her if she has a particular recipe for some item you are looking to buy. A guy who has an interest in cooking? LOL, also ask her which dish soap works the best on greasy pots and pans! A cook who does dishes? That gets my attention! Just a hint though, this did not work for me when I had a child in the grocery cart with me!



Interesting I am sure the men here are taking notes. Guy's you hear that? Child in cart is a big no no, especially when they are pulling things off the shelf.


Supine lol, I know about the kid in the cart thing, my son used to pull at anything in arms length, my answer to that after the first time was leave him home with mom, or grandma. Especially after grabbing a bag of popcorn and spreading it, over the entire aisle before I could blink my eye.

The recipe comment, just brilliant but guys remember you better know how to cook, if you land her that way.



posted on Oct, 23 2011 @ 10:35 AM
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Originally posted by Saucerwench
I am a woman, and I made a first move, ONCE. And NEVER AGAIN.

Years back. I had an extreme crush on this dude who was a Narcissist Sociopath (Yes my layman's diagnosis, but he fits ALL the clinical symtoms) and I finally after a long time, told him that I was attracted to him (he had a girlfriend) and I said "I know your not available, but..." And he answered, "I'm flattered, but yes, I'm not available." Slapped down!!!

Of course I'm at an age now, where none of this is relevent presently, nor bothers me.


I agree with the above, except my first move on a man, well it ended up with me getting stitches and having a few broken extremities as he thought (and I to this day cannot figure out why) that I was somehow trying to use mind control on him. Totally spazzed out, and that ended my foray with tryin to show how interested I was.



posted on Oct, 23 2011 @ 10:54 AM
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reply to post by vkey08
 


Wow sorry to hear that, so one instance in your life and you would shut out other potentially good people?


Have you thought about some common interest groups, where you could meet people that think like yourself?



posted on Oct, 23 2011 @ 11:07 AM
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reply to post by vkey08
 

I'm so sorry you came up against a violent kook. Mine was a kook but not violent (to me) (though I saw injury on his knuckles at one point. It appears he was violent to something/someone.) I caught this a-hole stalking me telephonically. He wanted me at a distance, as an "imaginary lover."
That was a long time ago in a suburb far far away, when my self esteem was non existent.



posted on Oct, 23 2011 @ 11:58 AM
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reply to post by Realtruth
 


Because regardless of the dynamics of modern society, women are the ones who ultimately are the ones responsible for procreating the species and as a result are genetically predisposed to being selective in who they choose to ....relate to.

They will "make the first move" if absolutely necessary in certain cases but generally do not have to due to their existing ample numbers of testosterone driven males to initiate "The First Move" whilst tripping over themselves to do so.




Peace
edit on 23-10-2011 by nh_ee because: LIVE FREE OR DIE



posted on Oct, 23 2011 @ 08:14 PM
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It's been interesting to hear what the women have to say, it appears when they are hurt, this puts a huge damper on there future plans to ask men out.

Sometimes it seems these days people just do not want relationships because they are more trouble than there worth.

What happened to the days where men and women got along?

A little humor to lighten up the topic:

Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.

Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.





posted on Oct, 23 2011 @ 08:35 PM
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Originally posted by ErtaiNaGia
reply to post by Realtruth
 



Why Don't Women Make The First Move These Days?


Do you have ANY IDEA what kind of Incalculable harm it would do to the Sexual Control Structure if women actually pursued men?

(Second Line)
Umm I would have to disagree with that,.
I absolutely find it hot when a women takes charge,. I get soo tired being the one that has to make all the
decisions..
there are some that require a man to lead, cause they are shy or simply incapable of making a decision,
and there are a few that know what they want and go for it.



posted on Oct, 23 2011 @ 08:37 PM
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Originally posted by Realtruth


A little humor to lighten up the topic:

Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.

Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.


Isnt that called going to bed with beer goggles on?



posted on Oct, 24 2011 @ 08:47 AM
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I have to say, that in most of my past relationships (even my marriage), the gal made the first move.

For one thing, I seem to be pretty oblivious to knowing whether or not a gal is just being flirty, or truly interested. For another thing, I find it to be a major turn-on.

Whether shyness, or just fear of rejection, don't know. I do exude confidence though, in most settings...but to me, a gal taking the initiative just does it for me....

Of course, I have some really weird thing (almost like a superpower to me), where it's almost as if I have all of the perks of a gay friend (like them saying or doing pretty much anything around me they wouldn't in front of other guys), yet while realizing I am perfectly straight, and very much into gals and sex. I think a lot of it comes down to being a good listener and generally thoughtful towards all women, not just my wife.



posted on Oct, 24 2011 @ 11:34 AM
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One issue, I believe, that has been looked over in this thread is what (now) women have observed in their own families while children. I understand that we all grow up -- well at least most of us eventually
-- and develop our own patterns, but the interactions, and narratives of our parents are deeply embedded in us and will determine how we react to our better halves in future circumstances.


My parents encouraged me to be a "career" person: i.e., "You *will* go to college, grad./professional school, etc." from the beginning. And until you are older, you accept that as truth.

However, on the other hand, my mother plays a more traditional-type of wife/mother, and so when it comes to men, I would always expect them to "lead the way" so to speak. I wouldn't dare of thinking of making a "First Move" as that (according to my up-bringing) is not the way a *real lady* would act.

Sounds antiquated, I know, but without going into so much psychology, it makes sense when you study genograms and such.

Hope this adds yet another perspective.






 
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