Thanks for taking the time to help me with this.
I'll first tell you about my situation, and then what is happening at the moment, in my life.
I've lived with the mother of my kids for the last 14 years or so. We have been together this long because of our children, not because there is
love between us.
Sadly, she never loved me, and I still wonder why she ever got out with me in the first place...
So, at the beginning of our relationship, everything was cool but then, she became pregnant. Her first reaction was to be aborted, but changed her
mind a bit later. I told her I would support her decision, though an abortion was kind of repulsive to me. It was her body and her life, I said.
But as soon as she became pregnant, she became mean, violent with her words, and always repulsing me with disdain. I thought it was an hormone thing
and endured the abuse as best I could.
For her to get a good laugh, she had to put me down in private as well as in public. Even after our first child was born, she was walking a good 12
feet in front of us, always.
To her, I was a mess of a human being, and I needed to be saved. Nothing I did was good enough for her. Never.
As she said, she wanted to be served like a princess, but not act with me like I was a prince... She even told me she would debate with the priest
about the part of staying together when things go wrong, if a wedding was to occur...
The only thing we could almost agree on, is our child, and the love and attention we would give her.
Knowing we wouldn't stay together for our entire lives, we agreed to make another child. One thing we didn't want was for our daughter to be a lone
child, or one with multiple half-brothers and half-sisters.
So a second child was born. The love for the kids was there, but things got worse between us. She was acting in a more violent way towards me, and
began to bring the worst in me to the front.
There is that many blows one can endure without replying. So I began to argue solidly with her, when she decided she needed to ride on my back. We
consulted, she asked for it. I went, but ultimately, the only thing she did was complain about me, hoping for the consultant to wholly side with her.
She completely refused to participate in anything proposed to bring us closer. Then, fate struck, and for a rare moment of intimacy we allowed
ourselves together, she became pregnant again... She then began to hate me. In every sense of the word. She has no more restrictions in what she
will tell me, and in what situation she will do it.
We agreed to give all our kids the same chance and agreed to keep on living together until the last one goes to school. Why?, because we decided that
one of us would stay home to take care of the kids. We didn't want them to be raised by strangers. This time, I'm the one staying at home.
And soon the last one will go to school. In fact, I am scheduled to leave next year.
In short, this is my background. She was so mean to me all of those years that she made me lose confidence in women, overall. I was ready to spend
the rest of my life alone, free of the problems a coupled life brings.
And as much as I love sex ( which you can imagine, despite our three kids, to have been non-existent. ), I was ready to forget that part, too. She
was that mean, I tell you. She was so mean I didn't even want to jump the fence for reliefs.
Thanks again if you made it this far!
A little bit more than two years ago, I met a woman, for a professional reason. When I first saw her, I was struck by her beauty. When she spoke I
heard music. Her laughter was like angels' wings flipping softly... She showed strength, compassion, understanding, brief, I felt like I was
standing in front of the woman of my dreams. My soul mate, if you prefer.
But she is married, and have a child of her own... She looks happy and all. Her life is successful, and owns her own business, and she is very
talented, even gifted, at what she does.
I brushed everything aside. I wasn't about to destroy a relationship for my own pleasure, or try to. And to be frank, our regular, but spaced
professional meetings became a rare moment of peace in my life. It was for me like a breath of fresh air. My secret garden moment. She is the
reason I didn't lose completely fate in women.
A few months ago, every time I was about to leave, after our meetings, she touched my shoulders with her hands. But her touch had something.
I felt she wanted something, but restrained from anything. Her hand felt hesitant in what she wanted to demonstrate. I made as if nothing
I want to say here that I never even tried to flirt with her over all this time, nor did she. I may have made one or two remarks, but it was made as
a joke and she always laughed heartily at it. We laugh a lot when we meet. I had the impression she also found our meetings pleasant. And dreamed
she would find me pleasant, but in the very distant far regions of my mind.
A few weeks ago, her secretary calls me to report a scheduled meeting we had as she needed to take a vacation. It's true she looked tired the last
time I had seen her.
The Sunday before we met, after her vacation, she calls me at home to reset the time of our meeting. And she tells me she had to move so it was no
real vacations. In the far regions of my mind, it said: "she's getting divorced..."
When we met, last week, she effectively told me she decided to leave her husband, who was abusive and mean to her, pretty much in the same way my ex
was, and still is, to me. We met two times that week. The second time, she cried. Heck, even her crying was touching to me, and I hate crying.
She is now almost poor and has to build her life from scratch. Just like me.
But I guess you can see my problem.
She met my kids on a few occasions, and she has always been ultra nice to them, and they like her a lot.
My heart has had a few pleasant beats, since last week. In a way I was resigned to never feel again.
I would like to have advices from the good people from here. How should I deal with this situation?
I really don't want to lose her in any ways. I really would like for a "us" to be. But I don't want to come as profiting from her current
emotional state. And yet, it is clear we both need tenderness at the moment. But I may also be imagining things out of despair. I don't know
what to do anymore...
Man, I think I'm falling in love... help me?
( I need to leave for a moment. I will be back and read your comments later this afternoon. Thanks in advance. )