posted on Oct, 18 2011 @ 09:27 AM
When I was a young boy, people could probably best describe me as “sensitive”. I was an emotional creature, and had extreme ups and downs –
which nearly pushed me to a total depression at an early age.
I couldn’t concentrate in school, and I struggled to make high enough grades to just pass my classes. It is a sad state of affairs when you make
straight “D’s” and are proud of them.
The only refuge I had from my constant emotional swings was at home – in the safe domicile of my parents’ house.
By the time I reached third grade, I was still hardly passing my classes. I truly thought I was stupid. My mom and dad had taken me to numerous
clinics to test me for A.D.D., A.D.H.D., only to find out that my I.Q. was higher than average – leading the doctors to say I was either lazy, or
just overly board in class.
From that point the frustration of my parents increased, and was now aimed closer to me – as they believed I was just lazy. I can recall countless
nights where my mother would get so frustrated she would cry, and my dad would lecture me until my mind had gone numb.
I tried to tell them I was not lazy – I just couldn’t understand.
Finally, when I was in fourth grade, they tried one final time to take me to a doctor at Children’s Hospital.
After hours of testing the doctor finally diagnosed me with Tourette Syndrome – which is a mental problem that causes head jerking, motor movement,
or random audible outbursts; commonly referred to as “ticks”.
I was put on a pill called Catapres, which was a blood pressure pill. I was put on extremely tiny doses, which my mother had to cut in half from a
whole pill and feed to me.
The tiny pink pill was a miracle drug – I went from making straight D’s to straight A’s in one week. I was finally able to concentrate – but
the only side effects were drowsiness and lack of emotional response; I was emotionally static when I was on the drug.
However, I began to notice something unusual – I would still have random emotional outbursts. I would either be extremely happy one moment, or angry
I realized through these outbursts that emotional states are what controls Tourette Syndrome – and the frequency of the “ticks” I would have.
But I also realized something else – these emotional outbursts I was having felt different. I felt more detached from them; as if I was feeling them
not through myself, but from some other place or source.
Soon my refuge of home was shattered, as I began to feel anger when I was there – starting soon after my father always got home from work.
For a long time I thought my dad hated me – I associated this in my childhood mind because I would always get angry when he got home. I could
literally feel it before I even knew he was in the house. I would begin to feel angry, go to the front door, and see him pulling into the driveway.
This feeling continued for some months – until finally my dad pulled me aside and spoke to me.
“Your mother and I are separating for a while,” he told me. He gave me the usual talk that separating parents will tell their children. “It’s
not you. You aren’t at fault for this – it’s just that I and your mother aren’t getting along very well.”
He left and went to stay at a hotel room for a few days. Soon after that my mom went to get him – she realized that she had made a mistake, and that
she was causing the problems in the marriage. They reconciled.
After that I never felt anger in my house again.
Over the years similar things happened with different people, and I soon realized that the emotional outbursts I was having were not from me – but
were actually the emotions of others. And they overwhelmed me.
The pill I was on dulled my emotions to a point where I could distinguish between my emotions, and the emotions of other – you could say I became
conscious of their emotional field.
Years later, through research, I discovered there was a name for what I was: an Empathic.
I could feel others emotions.
Even after I came off the pill, and could control Tourette Syndrome, I could still feel the emotions of others. All of those years allowed me to train
my mind, to become conscious of the difference between my feelings and others.
It is my theory that everyone can do this – only others aren’t conscious enough of their own self to understand the problems they are having
emotionally probably aren’t theirs.
It is my theory that people with neurological disorders – such as A.D.D., or A.D.H.D, Tourette Syndrome, etc. May actually be empathic – and are
short circuiting due to overstimulation of their emotions. Only doctors don’t realize this.
To this day I feel other people’s emotions. I know when they lie to me, when they are sad, angry, etc.
It is a gift and a curse.
That is my story….