[#Occ]am's Razor, page 1

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Topic started on 13-10-2011 @ 11:36 PM by sonnny1

The lights barley flickered down Wallstreet. Faint glows mirrored the granite steps all around, its flight, haunting the skeletons left there.

No one left to bury the dead.

No one left to protest, but wind.

Millions had marched.

First, Down Broadway, near the Police Museum,through the once bustling Wallstreet center,and beyond .

Laying tattered, the once proud flag, that draped the steps of the mighty economic fortress.

Its remnants, held tightly, in the hand of a withered corpse.

How could they have known? How could the voiceless have been so ignorant?

The Bull rocked from its foundation, the crippling horns embedded into broken concrete-like so many other things, this once proud city held onto.

Now, the price of it all.

Its still beating heart, never again... clutching.... the exposed ringing of the daily bell.

Protesters, and workers, and people. Yes, the people.

"Kings we make of them, fools we are to become"the sign read.

This soul was right. His voice though, silenced, like the many around him.

Death could not have been avoided. They knew.

Its price of grandeur, its inept freedom,whisked by the sudden death, that doomed the many... the one.

The guillotine of wealth...came calling.

edit on 14-10-2011 by sonnny1 because: 3 times a charm!

reply posted on 13-10-2011 @ 11:41 PM by TsukiLunar

reply to post by sonnny1

wow, that's quite the poetic fictional experience. I think it would read a lot better if it was spaced out more. You know, to look neat and tidy.

reply posted on 13-10-2011 @ 11:45 PM by sonnny1

reply to post by TsukiLunar

I am horrible at spacing.......

I almost had someone proof it for me.........

reply posted on 13-10-2011 @ 11:52 PM by TsukiLunar

reply to post by sonnny1

(The lights barley flickered down Wallstreet. Faint glows mirrored the granite steps all around, its flight, haunting the skeletons left there.

No one left to bury the dead.

No one left to protest, but wind.

Millions had marched.

First, Down Broadway, near the Police Museum, through the once bustling Wallstreet center, and beyond .

Laying tattered, the once proud flag, that draped the steps of the mighty economic fortress.

Its remnants, held tightly, in the hand of a withered corpse.

How could they have known? How could the voiceless been so ignorant?

The Bull rocked from its foundation, the crippling horns embedded into broken concrete-like so many other things, this once proud city held onto.

Now, the price of it all.

Its still beating heart, never again... clutching the exposed ringing of the daily bell.

Protesters, and workers, and people. Yes, the people.

"Kings we make of them, fools we are to become" the sign read.

This soul was right. His voice though, silenced, like the many around him.

Death could not have been avoided. They knew.

Its price of grandeur, its inept freedom,whisked by the sudden death, that doomed the many... the one.

The guillotine of wealth... came calling.)----------

How does this look to you?

edit on 14-10-2011 by TsukiLunar because: (no reason given)

reply posted on 13-10-2011 @ 11:53 PM by sonnny1

reply to post by TsukiLunar

excellent,mind if I borrow it?

reply posted on 13-10-2011 @ 11:57 PM by TsukiLunar

reply to post by sonnny1

Of course. Just copy and paste this into your op. I just edited it again to correct a couple of commas so it should be good.

edit on 13-10-2011 by TsukiLunar because: (no reason given)

reply posted on 14-10-2011 @ 12:00 AM by sonnny1

reply to post by TsukiLunar

Thank you very much!

I should have you proof some of my work,when I decide to write.

I really appreciate it that,BTW......

reply posted on 14-10-2011 @ 12:03 AM by TsukiLunar

reply to post by sonnny1

No problem. But i corrected a couple of mistakes with commas and it didn't make it into the op. You should re copy and paste it from my post. Sorry about missing those the first time.

reply posted on 14-10-2011 @ 12:09 AM by FugitiveSoul

"Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point, answer me one question. Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of things that May be, only."
~Charles Dickens 'A Christmas Carol' as spoken by the character Ebenezer Scrooge

A haunting vision of a possible future. Something to fear, yet something that may be inevitable and, as unfortunate as it may sound, necessary for change to rear her weary head.

~FugitiveSoul

edit on 14-10-2011 by FugitiveSoul because: (no reason given)

reply posted on 14-10-2011 @ 12:12 AM by sonnny1

reply to post by FugitiveSoul

Agree.

I tried to see it,and write it in a way most might,but fear to think about...............

reply posted on 14-10-2011 @ 12:31 AM by dragonsmusic

I like it. It was like you combined Orange County Choppers with Occam in the title and then shaped your thoughts poetically.

reply posted on 14-10-2011 @ 01:36 AM by dogstar23

Well done, sir!

reply posted on 14-10-2011 @ 02:13 AM by neo96

The guillotine of Death, came calling is my version

not into poetry so i can't really judge here but better than what i could ever have written.

reply posted on 14-10-2011 @ 03:41 AM by beezzer

reply to post by sonnny1

"no one left to protest but the wind"

Haunting. Well done!

reply posted on 14-10-2011 @ 09:03 PM by sonnny1

Thanks guys/gals......

reply posted on 15-10-2011 @ 07:52 PM by argentus

All the more powerful with your story's brevity; you can really paint with words. Well done!

reply posted on 18-10-2011 @ 06:51 PM by Thurisaz

reply to post by sonnny1

I like it but I had no idea of what you were feeling. Like how did you feel?

I would have liked to have had more of you in there. lol hope that makes sense?

Either way, it is very well written. I enjoyed it!

reply posted on 18-10-2011 @ 10:34 PM by sonnny1

reply to post by Thurisaz

Thank you for the kind words......

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