Evolving Beyond Disease

For a very long time, 10 years, i dealt with social anxiety. Didnt leave the house. Didnt finish highschool, didnt go to college. I missed alot. Maybe, "it all", in the minds of some people.

Over the years i have been incredibly fortunate to grow in knowledge. This knowledge is a knowledge of myself. At 17/18 i was completely differenent. I dealt with intense self consciousness, fear, paranoia, and the not-to-infrequent delusion. It amazes me, looking back, how lost i really was.

At around 20 i had a completely life changing experience. The year before, at 19, i had become interested in Eastern mysticism, theosophy, occultism, etc..... I dont remember quite how it happened. All i can recall is that around 18-19 this interest began to foment. I was naturally curious about these things. By 20, i had been practicing yoga and exerimenting with different types of meditation.

Keep in mind within this period i was still in the midst of a very serious emotional disorder. I was completely homebound. Didnt pick up the phone, didnt go out. My anxiety, and reclusion, was fairly intense. This had less to do with an increasingly regressive state of mental health than with a feeling of comfort. I have two siblings who live at home and who kept me company. Theyve been my bestfriends. So ive been very fortunate to have such a loving and caring environment.

I did this Kundalini yoga meditation and it completely backfired. I didnt really understand what i was working with, or even if i really believed what i was working with. I just did it, without thought to possible repercussions. I did it, and immediately i felt this surge of conscious energy. It startled me. Being so depressed, and having such an enormous emotional complex, some malevolent force or energy entered my mind and put me through 3 weeks of total hell. It began with a paranoia, and eventually evolved into a fear of anything that could hurt me. I could sleep for 3 weeks, 21. I didnt sleep a wink, not an hour, or minute. I entered a completely chaotic mental state. I remember one horrible morning where i thought i had reached my limit. I said i wanted to go to the hospital. If i had went to the hospital, where would i have been? Thank G-d again for my father who was smacking sense into me (figurtively) telling me to relax. Before i went to my family doctor and she sent me to the psychiatrist that treated my mom during her major depression, i had contemplated suicide. I was so scared. I was fighting with myself. I wrote a note, and tears fell on it. I remember just wavering. Never allowing myself to commit to the action. I was thinking, if anything, it would be the car. I couldnt slit my wrists. I couldnt do any of those painful things....

I endured that night, went to the doctor, and she put me on effexor and seroquel for the severe insomnia. Seroquel, at the amount she gave me, was horrible. It did the job. The first night my fear and phobia of sleep tried to fight it but i became unconscious. I remember the complete weakness of my body and the shiverring anxiety and coldness of my nerves. I felt as if my system had been fried. My nervous body would shoot electric shocks - like lightning - up to my mind. I cant explain to you how horrible that feeling is. It feels as if your mind could blank out because of it.

Seroquel worked, it got me to sleep for 3 days. At day 3 i just stopped taking it. I couldnt handle the amount she was prescribing me and my personality was feeling it. It is an antipsychotic and therefore has a very strange effect on non-psychotics.

Eventually i got through this. It was such a hell. The fear, the tears, the plea for my sanity, for my life, for the happiness of my family who loved me and who would be destroyed if anything happened to me. G-d strengthened me, and he pulled me through it.

Over the years i have studied Judaism/Kabbalah intensely. I have also spent much time studying other religions, philosophies and other subjects....I have seen my mind evolve. I have grown deeper in self knowledge, and a very powerful force, a will, an understanding, has become a fixture in my consciousness. My faith ultimtely derives from G-d, and all this can only, in my mind, be attributed to him, in his mysterious ways...But personally, i have just begun to handle and organize my consciousness in a completely different way.

Many things have contributed to this. I have found Buddhism very helpful and practical in its methods and goals. I now concentrate on the self, which to me is circumnavigated via isolating the inner critic; that part in me which seeks to prevent me from being happy.

This little kernal, this base force, this Satan (accuser in Heb.) and root instinct in the mind of man, is a force that can be overcome, controlled, and it can be a source for remarkable psychic strength.

This is what most or all of the mythos of the ancient, middle ages were about. The "dragon" that the knight has to conquer to get the princess. He is the Leviatan of Hebraic metaphysics.

Ultimately, overcoming ones emotional disorder, whether it be a social anxiety, or something more serious, like a bi-polar disorder, involves an inner dialogue between yourself and the inner critic (aka Satan, Levitathan, Dragon, Shadow of Jungian psychology, etc) where a relationship is established between the two. The self asserts itself and its power, and it eventually learns to isolate and conrtrol the critic and prevent his stifling influence. He can be used. He can be contained, relaxed and directed towards constructive purposes.

I believe every emotional disorder can be overcome, no matter how bad. I was so far off. I remember thinking i would never get better. I am doomed to this life. All it takes is courage, trust in your self and your abilities, in your environment, and ultimately, in G-d.

reply to post by dontreally

I believe every emotional disorder can be overcome, no matter how bad. I was so far off. I remember thinking i would never get better. I am doomed to this life. All it takes is courage, trust in your self and your abilities, in your environment, and ultimately, in G-d.

I applaud your courage - congratulations. And I too, believe strongly in the power of the spirit(s) united, and in personal evolution.

At the same time, I get seriously PO'd when stories of personal triumph and growth serve to dismiss the very real, very negative phsysiological impacts of industrial contaminants. In short, industry creates contaminants that make us sick in myriad ways, including mental illness and "emotional disorders." All the courage and trust we can muster, individually or collectively, is NOT going to change the reality that industry has made our world a place of sickness, not health.

Fact is, industrial activities, including food processing and drug manufacturing, create infectious misfolded proteins. In turn, infectious misfolded proteins cause numerous debilitating, degenerative and disabling diseases - referred to generically as chronic "noncommunicative diseases" (NCD's) - five of which are now pandemic. "Mental illness" is on the list.

Many common products, including medications, are contaminated with misfolded proteins.

Proteins are the building blocks of life - and our bodies are constantly creating new ones for repair, maintenance and replacement parts. These proteins don't just need the right chemistry - they need to be folded into exactly the right shape to work. Problem is, proteins misfold easily, in response to "environmental perturbations" - including temperature changes, or exposure to chemicals, heavy metals, oxygen or radiation.

But even though industrial activities like food processing and drug manufacturing are well-known to create infectious misfolded proteins, and cause disease, people are being blamed for "making themselves sick."

A Role for Protein Misfolding in Immunogenicity of Biopharmaceuticals

…..misfolding of therapeutic proteins is an immunogenic signal and a risk factor for immunogenicity. ……Over the past decades, the use of therapeutic proteins has become common practice in medicine ……

Protein misfolding is an intrinsic and problematic property of proteins, which underlies a variety of degenerative diseases, such as Alzheimer disease. These diseases are characterized by the occurrence of fibrillar deposits, classically termed amyloid, containing aggregates of misfolded proteins.

……experiments pointed out that biopharmaceuticals, like any other protein, are amyloidogenic and that misfolding, detected by amyloid markers, takes place in several preparations. These markers, however, are not necessarily specific for fibrillar amyloid, but also for smaller misfolded protein species.

….. Various Biopharmaceuticals Display Amyloid-like Properties upon Exposure to Conditions of Stress, Indicating Protein Misfolding — During manufacturing and storage, biopharmaceuticals may also become exposed to various conditions of stress that can potentially underlie protein misfolding and the formation of amyloid-like properties.

…….Our results point to a common mechanism by which the immune system perceives misfolded proteins. We hypothesize that this lies in the changed conformation of the protein backbone itself. This implies that the innate immune system may be activated by recognition of the amyloid-like properties of misfolded protein. …

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The NCD pandemic is getting a fair amount of press these days.

Time to fight the new global pandemic of chronic diseases

New cases of chronic noncommunicable diseases (NCDs) such as heart disease, stroke, cancer, diabetes and chronic lung disease are exploding throughout the world, even in the poorest countries. These conditions account for 63 percent of deaths globally, and 80 percent of those deaths are occurring in low- and middle-income countries. Chronic diseases are also incredibly disabling and have a major negative impact on economic development, as they occur at a much earlier age and rob families of their breadwinners.

This pandemic is already destroying families, bankrupting nations and health care systems, and threatening the global economy.

…What's going to happen in 10 or 20 years when millions more people are debilitated and disabled? [Hint: In case you think this is a health issue, it's not.] ....and here's where mental health comes in.

Chronic disease to cost $47 trillion by 2030: WEF

"This is not a health issue, this is an economic issue…"

Mental health, which is typically left off lists of leading NCDs, will account for $16 trillion -- a third of the overall $47 trillion anticipated costs.

And in case you might blame corporate industry or Big Pharma, let's make it perfectly clear:

What's killing us? Diseases that will kill 9 of 10 Americans

…..cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and a variety of other chronic ailments. And worse, unlike some infectious diseases, they're quite preventable.

This new, ultra-deadly pandemic threat is caused by we, ourselves. Sedentary lifestyles, poor eating habits, smoking, and other high-risk behavior causes most of these diseases. ….

More than anything, the root causes are apathy and sloth.

[/sarcasm]

reply to post by soficrow

individually or collectively, is NOT going to change the reality that industry has made our world a place of sickness, not health.

Undoubtedly. There are two sides, and they may infact belong to the same coin.How we treat ourselves is very much a reflection of how we relate with others, and ultimately, with our environment.

Fact is, industrial activities, including food processing and drug manufacturing, create infectious misfolded proteins. In turn, infectious misfolded proteins cause numerous debilitating, degenerative and disabling diseases - referred to generically as chronic "noncommunicative diseases" (NCD's) - five of which are now pandemic. "Mental illness" is on the list.

Ya, ive heard about this... How do we get around it? Do we turn to more organic and natural farming methods - which seems to be the trend today? Or are you saying in principle, industry - that is, the mass production of things, is alltogether bad?

But even though industrial activities like food processing and drug manufacturing are well-known to create infectious misfolded proteins, and cause disease, people are being blamed for "making themselves sick."

Its a combination. Yes, the way we grow our food, treat our animals, and contaminate the environment is a mirror reflection of our own mistreatment of each other, and ourselves. Its an alltogether unified expression of the power of destructiveness. Our actions create forces; these forces compel further actions of the same archetypal quality. This feeds into the way we govern and organize society; the rich oppress the poor and the elite generate materialistic and superficial ideas which are reflected in the minds of the masses. The result is a society that is constantly feeding; taking, much much more than it gives in return.

But i definitely agree that this 'energy', negative behavior, eventually manifests physically as misfolded proteins and other corrupted chemical/subatomic forms. This just shows you how united mind and body are. We cant have it both ways. We cant destroy our environment while hoping to live a happy and healthy life; it aint going to work. The environment bites back and strikes our physical organisms with disease and entropy. This only erupts because of a lack of awareness and connection with the outer, external phenomenal world.