posted on Sep, 29 2011 @ 07:18 PM
May i offer something, given the fact that i was in the same situation you are in now, exactly.
I went out with my ex for 11 years, since she was like 15 and i was 16, we broke up when i was around 27.
We never grew up in each others eyes, and we both missed out alot, she did cheat on me and i on her but no big issues, but i can always "sense" when
soemthing was wrong, because being with a person all this time you know them like your own face.
she said she needed to take an afternoon nap one time and i wondered about that,she was living at her parents.
by an act of GOD, i was driving and my car went into a hole in the road and part of the wheel broke off so i called my freind who was a mechanic and i
drove to his garage (car was driving sideways in a way) and as i parked my car down underground in the garage, i went outside on the street for a
smoke, and i happened to notice this car pass by (never gave it a thought) and i called her at home to tell her about my car, her sis said she was
sleeping, i insisted, she came back to say that she is tired and isn't waking up..................( this is on the house phone cuz she dint pick up
isn't waking up? and then it HIT ME, that car was the car of her EX bf whom she left for me back in school....
i flipped like a dolphin on ecstasy.i drove my friends car under her house and demanded to talk to her, she finally picked up her mobile, and i told
her if she doesnt show her face up in the house balcony i am storming the house and making a scene.
she gave in , and the first word that came out of her mouth was: "you will never understand"
"you will never understand" this is what i tell you too man.
try me i said.she went on to explain how he contacted her after all these years and he was going away and needed closure and they were at a coffee
shop talking about the past.he took the phone and i told him bring her back safely, and i hung up.it seemed like years passed by .
when he drove her back, i could see the shame on her face.we talked.
Let me tell you, it wasn't worth it, people need space sometimes , a small change ,closure, call it whatever you want.i did make her feel bad about
it though.I told her that i would have understood if she had just asked me , but honestly i wouldn't have nor would i have accepted.the past is the
past for me.
trust me on this, if you confront her, and show her that you know, it will only lead to more # later on,your marriage will go down the drain not
because you invaded her privacy, # that, there is no such thing between man and wife.i am now married to a wonderful girl and i have a 6 month old
son, but because she will feel she is chained , that a simple thing is so hard to do even if she tries to hide it, you will lose all the trust and
only push her to go the wrong way.
shes going with her cousin, so why are you worried? unless you know how her cousin is and you don't trust her that's something else.if your wife had
any bad intentions, she wouldn't tell anyone about this let alone bring an accomplice.
if you wanna blow this whole thing up YOU have to create that ACT of god like mine and let everything fall into place yourself.
am sure shes gonna wanna look tiptop to see him after all these years, comment on that.
try to loiter and make her late to leave, see her reaction, and comment.
tell her a day earlier that you were telling a friend and he thought it would be a good idea to go all of you, see her reaction, and comment.
keep that pressure on, but NEVER tell her you know, EVER.
final advice from a person from a far place on earth:
our customs dont have this # "privacy" settings between man and wife, like the western world and all these ETHICS, THIS is your WIFE, if she is
lying, it dont matter what shes lying about, a lie is a lie, and one lie if it passes ,starts the journey to endless others and the ending is always
Maybe this a wake up call for you, i dont mean to be harsh, but you cant force something to be fixed or corrected ,maybe this is a sign that she is
not good for you, you are not the first, nor the last to be lied to in a marriage.
I know if she goes and comes back it will eat you inside out not knowing what happened and not being able to ask her, but patience is virtue, wait and
see what more messages they exchange.
and if you find something bad, then confront her, and tell her you have always known an are better than her because you knew you could trust her and
never stopped her cuz you knew she would never betray this marriage to the last moment and she had let you down, it doesn't matter then.
for gods sake i pray nothing ever destroys your home for the sake of your child, and know that if a worthless person like her ex was able to make her
trip, then she wasn't worth it ever.
keep us posted. and sorry for the lonnnnnng post.