Today is day 4.
Yesterday was the hardest day I've had in along time. Focus and drive were illusive things, as my mind went into panic mode. Besides being
constantly distracted by the urge of needing a hand to mouth breathing activity, my 2 cats were making sport of someone's tiny, lost kitten, on my
Of course I rescued the tiny, scratched up little thing, took some pictures and made a "I found your lost kitty" flyer, which I posted at the
community pool area.
My new "best friend" promtly peed on my bed spread, and made a permanent home under my feet, wherever they may be, moving or still, there she is. My
2 cats are are horrified at my decision to take their prey inside the house and feed it. They are still mad at me this morning, and nobody has
claimed the kitten yet.
Yesterday, posters suggested a few things, like maybe my Nicorette gum was too old and to try sucking on candy or pretend that licorice is a cigarette
for that habitual hand to mouth need. Well, CVS Pharmacy wants over $40 dollars for gum or patches and Dr's prescription is required for Chantrex,
which I don't want to do. So, I went to a "health food store" to buy gummy bears, chocolate raisins and peanuts and peach flavored licorice sticks.
Now I'm driving home, feeling empowered as I pretend smoke my peach flavored licorice, when I bite down for a chew and my bottom molar flips off it's
crown, and a shooting pain goes through my jaw. AAAARRRGGGHHH!
I give up, I break down and pull into my local smoke shop. "Sam," I say, "I'm in a bad way, can you help me?" I proceed to explain to him that this
is day 3, and I don't want to buy a pack, but I'm going crazy. He is kind and understands my dilemma, and suggests that I buy $1 worth of his
cheapest, yuckiest pipe tobacco, which I do.
I went home, rolled it took a hit and all was well with the world again, as I sipped on some Shiraz. I could have bought the patch, or newer
Nicorette gum, but it's all nicotine. A hit of pipe tobacco isn't the same as a cigarette, although it is a crutch.
My daughter is really disappointed by my backsliding and blames me for "just making excuses." She told me that my body is playing tricks on my mind,
because it is depleted of nicotine, and is trying to make me think that I need it, when I don't. Easier said than done.....
Today is day 4. I don't have any cigarettes, but I have a wee bit of pipe tobacco, to curb the panic that makes me go looking in the gutters for old
cigarette butts. I hope today is a better day.
edit on 29-9-2011 by windword because: (no reason given)