Parents of ATS, I really need your opinions! Was innocence taken away by choice of book from teacher

As a parent of a 10 year old girl, I want to hold on to her innocence as long as I can. In the neighborhood we live in, I have to work twice as hard to keep her eyes and ears clear of certain things. I was ecstatic when my daughter was accepted to one of the top 5 schools in nyc, finally able to get her out of this crap education system into a charter school. She started this past August and already see a difference in her. More mature, responsible, in her discussions and overall attitude.

They have this independent reading program, it's so independent that they choose the books, not the children or parents (and based on the decisions of some parents i can understand why), but the most recent choice of book has pissed me off to no end...

In 3 days, I've had to explain what "primo pot" is, then she says the teacher read a chapter outloud in class but didnt explain what "shoot the sh*t" means. THEN as she's doing her nightly routine of reading she says "mommy how do you pronounce this word"......

(Im still in a good mood enjoying my family when).....

P-O-R-N (pleeeeease dont let it be) -O-G-R-A-P-H-Y

This was NOT how I wanted my daughter to be introduced to these kinds of things.

My daughter says that yesterday she went to that teacher and said how I wasnt happy in her choice of book for 10 year olds, and said the teacher responded that she thought about that also and will make a better choice for the next book...

The very next thing she said was the icing on the cake...

"We had a quiz today on the book and one of the questions was why didnt john want to have sex with katie"

WTF!?!?!!!!!!

So how am I supposed to look at this?? For the record, my daughter has reading and writing teachers who do an excellent job, this teacher is an 8th grade science teacher, and I cant understand for the life of me why she is dealing with 5th grade reading...

I am very upset over this!!! I feel like they took innocence from her that they cant return. Its a door opened that cant be closed. Living in the "hood" her peers are running the streets day and night, cursing, fighting, hanging out with the "gangstas" and just being downright disrespectul to people and the elderly. I think I do a damn good job, no reality shows, no music videos, nothing out of her age range, and with me ALL the time.

Parents of ATS, please give me your opinions. Am I over reacting because you bet your bottom I am going to the school today!!


** I forgot to add that excruciating moment when she had to sound the word out (I refuse to give her answers) and then explain to her what pornography meant, I gave what I hope was a decent answer for her age**

A 10 year old girl is right on the verge of learning the 'reality' of life including drugs, booze, sex etc. and (tbh) you're naive to think you can do anything about it. Sheltering her from these realities will likely only make things harder for her. You need to be open with her and discuss these things regularly. She will learn them either way - wouldn't you rather be the one that teaches her? She will be a teenager before you know it and you will not be able to control what she does. The best thing you can do is steer her in the right direction and teach her how to make the right choices. I bet if you knew half the stuff girls at that age are actually doing your heart would certainly skip quite a few beats.

As for these books the teachers are picking out, sadly enough they are accurately reflecting today's society - like it or not.

reply to post by WeBrooklyn


I don't think you are overreacting at all, I'd be extremely ticked if my daughter who is 11 was reading a book that clearly is for an older audience. Children are being exposed to adult situations more and more and I do not for one think it's benefiting this generation.

While we cannot keep our kids in a bubble having them exposed to certain subject matter at an inappropriate age isn't doing them any favors, they can begin to feel entitled to act like adults versus children. I would be headed to the school as well, a quiz that asks 10 year olds why didn't John want to have sex with Katie?

Yeah, it's not uncommon for 12/13 year olds to be having their first sexual experiences these days. I think if I had a 10 year old, I'd want her armed with as much knowledge as possible.

Could you give us the name of the book? Just so we can see in what context these words were used.

reply to post by fenceSitter


I understand thats going to come but the fact of the matter is, she is not even a preteen at 10. Or a young adult. She is an adolescent, a CHILD. When the time comes, I would be more than happy to talk to her about it...when its TIME which wasnt NOW.

I have never been a fan of keeping innocenece as long as possible. I believe that this is one of the reasons we have the educational system we have today in the US.

I have never been a fan of keeping children their “innocence” as long as possible. I believe that this is one of the reasons we have the educational system we have today in the US. I can’t tell you how many times every week that I don’t hear, “It’s not fair!” from young adults.

This book you describe really does not address the child’s education and should be removed. This is your realm to teach, not the schools. Myself? I would do my darnedest to get that teacher fired or at a minimum, disciplined.

Parents need to talk to their children and raise them wisely. Provide discipline, guidance and teach them the ways of the world.

Life is not fair.

reply to post by fenceSitter


I do agree with the points you make but trying to shield your child from the ills of the world is admirable up to a point, naive or not.
Personally I'd have gone ballistic at the teacher. I'd somewhat expect that sort of thing to be offered to teenagers not 10 year olds.

reply to post by WeBrooklyn

As a parent of a 10 year old girl, I want to hold on to her innocence as long as I can.

this line says it all to me, you want to try and hold on to your girl as the small child she was, when in reality she is growing up and this scares you!

god forbid people learn new words and concepts from books! ... where is the internet when we need it!

There is plenty of time to discuss such subjects, but at ten, this isn't the time. There are age appropriate books out there. Children should be allowed to be children.

I would really like to know the name of the book. I can not make any statement about it with out knowing what it is about.Plus it sounds like a good read.

The whole 'they are gonna learn it anyway' so don't shelter your children at all argument is like saying, Institution knows what's best for my child, their level of development and curiosity better than I do, the parent......hell why do we not just deposit kids with institutions and pick them up at 18, because apparently we have no say anyhoo.

Not all 10 year olds are ready or even want to know that information, personally I think having an open relationship with your children means using your superior knowledge of said child to discuss their curiosities and arm them with information and knowledge that suits them personally....versus a one size fits all 'tell-a-thon' on all subjects.

reply to post by sweetstuff

posted on 28-9-2011 @ 10:19 AM this post reply to post by WeBrooklyn
I don't think you are overreacting at all, I'd be extremely ticked if my daughter who is 11 was reading a book that clearly is for an older audience. Children are being exposed to adult situations more and more and I do not for one think it's benefiting this generation. While we cannot keep our kids in a bubble having them exposed to certain subject matter at an inappropriate age isn't doing them any favors, they can begin to feel entitled to act like adults versus children. I would be headed to the school as well, a quiz that asks 10 year olds why didn't John want to have sex with Katie?

Thank you. In 3 days I had to explain porn and good pot to my kid. What teacher in their right mind puts a question regarding sex on a quiz??? Last week while my husband was at work a 12yr old girl ended up giving birth on the floor outside and found out her parents had no clue she was even sexually active! I see things like this all the time so it's only right to let my child be a child until the "talk" comes. It should have been up to me, not the teacher and through a book at that. She isnt even explaining anything in the book to these kids so what is the message they are getting out of this?!???!

I totally understand where you are coming from....as a parent you want to keep them innocent for as long as possible. You want to shelter your child from knowing things that don't seem appropriate for their age. Honestly, if that had been my oldest child, at that age, I would have been down to the school by now to have a talk with the teacher. I have learned child by child that you can't shelter them as much as you would like to.

When I moved to the country, over 10 years ago, with my 6 children, I was shocked to find out that K-12 ride the same bus. I didn't like it at all. Let me tell you the education my kids got on that bus was remarkable. One night at dinner, my 1st grade daughter looks at me and asks "Mom?....what's a blow job?" I almost fell over! I asked her where in the world she had heard that!? She replied "on the bus". At 6 I didn't think I wanted to explain that one. So I basically told her that one day when she was older we could talk about it, but for now, I would prefer if she didn't use that word because it was inappropriate and not a very nice word. She excepted that and that was the end of the discussion.

In all honesty here, if these things don't come up with you, they will with other kids. I would much prefer to teach my kids what things mean, and talk about it vs some kid telling my child what their version of something means and letting them get educated from peers. That's just me. I was not that way with my oldest child, not even close. I thought I could protect and keep things from him until I felt it was time for him to know something. Didn't quite work that way.

What is your daughters reaction to learning these new things?

Originally posted by WeBrooklyn
reply to post by sweetstuff

 

posted on 28-9-2011 @ 10:19 AM this post reply to post by WeBrooklyn
I don't think you are overreacting at all, I'd be extremely ticked if my daughter who is 11 was reading a book that clearly is for an older audience. Children are being exposed to adult situations more and more and I do not for one think it's benefiting this generation. While we cannot keep our kids in a bubble having them exposed to certain subject matter at an inappropriate age isn't doing them any favors, they can begin to feel entitled to act like adults versus children. I would be headed to the school as well, a quiz that asks 10 year olds why didn't John want to have sex with Katie?

Thank you. In 3 days I had to explain porn and good pot to my kid. What teacher in their right mind puts a question regarding sex on a quiz??? Last week while my husband was at work a 12yr old girl ended up giving birth on the floor outside and found out her parents had no clue she was even sexually active! I see things like this all the time so it's only right to let my child be a child until the "talk" comes. It should have been up to me, not the teacher and through a book at that. She isnt even explaining anything in the book to these kids so what is the message they are getting out of this?!???!

The fact that she isn't even explaining what's going on in the book and any associated dangers with pot, or sexual activity tells me the woman needs to be fired, at the least, re-trained. I'm guessing she isn't a parent herself? Just a hunch. People will jump on the bandwagon to say, "oh you are hurting your child by sheltering them from such things" yet, look around you, has open and free knowledge (sex ed has been around for a while ya know) about all subjects helped the current teen generation? We have tv shows like 16 and pregnant.....yup, sorry, I want my daughters to get their information from me, someone who loves them instead of a brainless dingbat in an institution and that's my right as a parent, as it is your right.

A 10 year old is right at that age where they start to learn about things like that. By the same token, a book like that is inappropriate for a child that age.

Her being in one of the top schools means that they probably are giving them a curriculum that's 2-4 years ahead of the norm for their age, so that's probably where having such concepts and language in their books is coming from.

Further, your daughter being taught by an 8th grade science teacher says a lot. She's used to dealing with teens and thus her curriculum is likely to unintentionally slant towards that age group because it's what she's used to.


I'd say go talk to the teacher and see what's up. I seriously doubt that such curriculum is normal, even if she is being taught on a higher grade level than normal.

For the positive responses, thank you.

For the ones saying I'm naive, I might be wrong but it seems like maybe you have no kids...

When I say I want to hold on as long as I can, I know that time is very close. Lets have the talk at 13, maybe depending on her maturity and understanding. Not 10 and this is why kids are getting older younger, having sex younger, thinking they can make every decision on their own because of people like you that think its ok because they are going to learn it anyway....

What a shame a kid cant be a kid anymore huh. My kid was 9 less than 3 months ago, she really needs to know about weed and sex? Cutting school and smoking?

If you think thats ok, please dont procreate and add to this problem....

Originally posted by Night Star
There is plenty of time to discuss such subjects, but at ten, this isn't the time. There are age appropriate books out there. Children should be allowed to be children.

I agree with you and the poster...I mean, when I was kid girls at this age were introduced to "Are you There God? It's me, Margret." about a girl dealing with her period...controversial at the time...

It sounds like the book is not a good choice for a ten year old if indeed it talks of primo pot, teen sex, porn, etc.

Unfortunately, most 10 year old know those concepts already...
The real danger is believing your children DON'T know some of this...it's called school - they learn it there...

CJ

It is bad enough that we have to be even discussing this. It is even worse when you read some peoples reactions to parents having lost control of when the child is ready for these big steps in life. We seem to be degrading at an ever increasing rate a modern society should be trying as hard as it can to keep these realities away from the innocent until the individual parent deems it ready. The parent knows the child, not the system.

Some kids are ready at that age, most are not but this is up to the parent.

I had my innocence stripped from me at a very young age.

Look how I turned out, I am a sex addicted transsexual!

We are all being led by each other and the powers that be to total degradation.

Frightening times indeed when you take a step back and look at the entire mosaic of this modern age.

reply to post by jrkelly77


The book is called Breathless by Jessica Warman. It does seem like a good read I have to admit, but not at her age...