Crushes and Infatuation Always Lead to Unrequited Love

Hey ATS,

During the last 4 or 5 years, ever since I knew there was something existed in the world called love, I made many attempts to attain what I understood to be a possible cure for all emptiness. I'm assuming all people share that there is a specific type of person who attracts you - certain attributes most often physical that develop the right emotions causing us to say "I would really like to get to know that person better," or "I can already feel that if I was in a relationship with this person it would be like heaven."

About once a year this person will come into my life. There will be situations in getting to know this person that utterly describe the meaning of a crush - the feeling that you like them and they don't have to return any likeness at all, but they meet all the criteria for you to fall in love. Do these types of crushes and infatuation ever work out? I am interested in hearing that most of the time the person you have a crush on does not turn out to be your girlfriend or boyfriend because every year its about the same for me - I find someone who I could feel enough for to be with and develop a crush, I date them adn they do not choose me but another person I don't like as much will. Maybe it's some nasty game my mind is playing, the simple want what you can't have notion, and creating it in a harsh reality for me. My goal would be to not develop any crush because it has always lead to unrequited love.

Nope same old same, Dated a few girls I "liked" before we ever spoke and it never worked out. They flirted too much etc. Got one right now and so far so good.

I just don't understand how people fall in love at first sight, I can look someone 20 times and still not fall in love.

In my experiences, I end up getting hurt or let down. If I feel strongly for such a person, and they do not feel the same way... then I realize it is really just a fantasy that I am in love with, and if they did not feel as strongly for me as I did for them, it would be a continuous let down if it came to becoming a relationship. The right person will feel as strongly for you as you do for them. For some people they may find that when they are young, and others not until they have lived through some lessons and are older. Until then, I would fill that gap with finding your true inner being which is an abundance of love, and let others come to you when they are ready.

reply to post by greyer


Sup greyer, yeah man the same thing happens to me, but that's the way our human minds work. If I'm on the street I'll see an attractive girl and probably end up falling in love with her hahahaha but that happens ever 5 seconds. Relationship wise, anyone can meet your criteria for a ideal soul mate, the only problem is keeping the love and infatuation, because over time it becomes a responsibility. I just got dumped like seven months ago and I have hooked up with someone since then, but settling down? I'm probably not gonna go look for a girl for awhile man, love is great, but at the same time, it can be destructive as well, and the fact that I'm in med school, it can be a disastrous situation like it was for me last semester when she broke up with me. Love pretty much has its risk taking, whenever you feel ready, go scout, until then, just enjoy your individuality for now. Plus, the economy sucks, save the money lmao

reply to post by greyer


Oh and by the way, I noticed that today a lot of people are very scared of being alone, before you can even fall in love with someone else, you have to love yourself first.

I first saw my wife when we were elementary students riding the same bus. I fell in love, at first sight.
Worked out well for us. We celebrated our 37th wedding anniversary two weeks ago.

welcome to the world of your mind......was with a girl for 6 half years thought she was the one...man was i wrong...went a year without dating or seeing because i just wanted to be by myself the loss took its toll and i wanted to recoup and go back to being just me myself and i....you will know when a relationship will work because everything works just right....you can talk for hours about absolutely nothing that makes any sense yet it feels like the best convo you have had in years...the girl i finally started dating. i dated back in high school didnt quite work out....was my choice i was just after the chase.....but now i got a second chance and to look back and relize what i gave up...i slap myself....generally me and friends will txt once or twice every couple of days just staying in contact...and with other girls i thought about they disappeared into the wind but when she came in....we just couldnt stop talking it could be about anything....even me wanting to give her a good morning dutch oven and she laughed and said of course you would...your an a hole that would! but if u do....no shower will save you from what i will do to you....so sure you may see a girl and want to be with her because she is beautiful or w.e but get to know a person you cant fall in love from a look....


get to know a person if things just start to work well and you can feel it you will slowly fall in-love with the person because they are giving you what you crave what you find attractive ect.....sure i wouldnt mind some super hot playboy bunny in my bed but would i trade the girl i have no for that...never shes everything i could ask for and more..


plus if you have never been hurt you've never understood how much love can suck.....but at the same time it teaches you a life lesson love sucks but when you find the right one its the most beautiful thing you could see...love is blind because its not what you are looking at you fall for its WHO your looking at you fall for..makes sense i think.

reply to post by greyer


I was in a similar situation for years. I fell in love with her as a kid. It was puppy love. I moved but my feelings never stopped. Quite the opposite. My feelings grew, but in a way I never expected. On the outside looking in ( her point of view) I'm sure I appear to be simply infatuated. She probably thinks she is my dream girl. The thing is, while I would love to be in a relationship with her it's really not something I think about or depend upon to make me happy. As long as she's happy I'm happy and I don't think she can understand that. The only thing I wanted is to not be treated as simply another associate. All I really desired at minimum was a high level of friendship. All my attempts as reaching this friendship were met with malcontent. And no I was not forceful in the least. Like you but worse we only spoke maybe once every other year. So I've given up. I will no longer put any effort in knowing her better. It's that simple. And she has no idea what she is giving up. I, and anybody in a similar situation, should merely laugh at their muses for their ignorance in what love truly is and can be.

Take advice from someone who knows.

Pheromones are not love. In other words - - chemical attraction is not love. Sexual attraction is not love.

Oh I know. I really do know - - - about the intensity of "first time" sexual attraction. I got divorced right in the middle of the sexual revolution. It was fantastic.

Love - - Real Love - - is something that last a lifetime.

If you want something real - - do this: make a list. For Real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

List all the things you want in life - - - what is most important to you - - - your most important goal and lifetime goal.

One of the most important things for a couple relationship is: COMMON GOAL.

A common goal can be: career - money - physical possessions - adult toys - travel - children - - or even simply dedication to marriage.

#1 most important thing. You must be ONE before you can be TWO. In other words - - grow up - decide/know who you are and what you want out of life for yourself - - - before you bring someone else into it.

AND - - - once you have children - - everything changes. Once you have children - - life becomes about them. Not YOU.

reply to post by greyer


Sure, they "can" work out. However, often we have crushes when we're younger, and we don't really know what we want when we're young. Likewise, the opposite sex are in the same boat.

When young, the idea of "long term" is basically the school year. This changes a lot as we get older.

However, the ideas of the criteria you have in your head may be a) unrealistic, or b) incorrect for you. So, there is that to realize as well. We can't all date supermodels, for example. Also, you may get to know someone who you don't have romantic aspirations for, at first, but then in getting to know them, you find you click.

Just because Love at First Sight exists, doesn't mean its a requirement for bliss. In fact, it's a pretty superficial qualifier, when you think about it.

reply to post by Serizawa


I've had something that felt like love at first site before, but it was more like lust at first site lol. Not neccessarily sexual but maybe the person's face is so attractive that you feel like you can fall in love with the person very quickly. There is no way I can ever fall in love with someone unless they create that energy and I would say it is about 2 per 1,000 people. So you have to meet 500 people to find one and the timing is most likely going to be off, they might even have someone.

None of the girls I ever fell in a crush for were at first site, every one of them became friends with me first.

Originally posted by Kevinquisitor
it would be a continuous let down if it came to becoming a relationship.

It is a dream and I was taught not to sell myself a dream, but I still do, or did. There is so much psychology involved with the continous let downs. People like us who know what love is and strive to follow it's rules feel that united in a realtionship means that you belong to each other - this is mind body and spirit. Just like them I can only feel natural for a very chosen few so I am completely focused on this dream and the universe, or trying to understand spiritually which frightens me cause there is much more to why reality makes me follow those paths in my own mind.

reply to post by greyer


Wasn't necessarily talking about you, I just had to throw that out there. Kind of pisses me off when I hear stupid kids go around telling everyone they're in love with my Gf because of just looking at her in school. I've had friends fall in Love with my sister the same way, That's like the dumbest thing in the world.

I've heard guys go up to girls and start a conversation with "I think I'm in love with you" and I burst out laughing. Get some game guys....c'mon. I've rejected countless numbers of girls claiming their in Love with me when we've never even talked....Big big turn off honestly.

I know how you feel..Sky doesn't feel the same way

Originally posted by Unvarnished
reply to post by greyer

 

Sup greyer, yeah man the same thing happens to me, but that's the way our human minds work. If I'm on the street I'll see an attractive girl and probably end up falling in love with her hahahaha but that happens ever 5 seconds. Relationship wise, anyone can meet your criteria for a ideal soul mate, the only problem is keeping the love and infatuation, because over time it becomes a responsibility. I just got dumped like seven months ago and I have hooked up with someone since then, but settling down? I'm probably not gonna go look for a girl for awhile man, love is great, but at the same time, it can be destructive as well, and the fact that I'm in med school, it can be a disastrous situation like it was for me last semester when she broke up with me. Love pretty much has its risk taking, whenever you feel ready, go scout, until then, just enjoy your individuality for now. Plus, the economy sucks, save the money lmao

Hey sup Unvarnished, I have heard what you are mentioning, that in the modern day it is hard to keep the infatuation longterm, but I don't have any defintion of an ideal soulmate. A soulmate to me is going to captivate so much wonder that it may be everlasting, the bond would be that of a magical bond. The reason why I understand love to be of importance is because I know of what it is capable of. We all know it's capable of causing frustration and happiness.

reply to post by greyer


Well you cant spell crushes without crush.

Who knows man? Not me, I to have fallen for it on a couple of occasions and it still seems to happen from time to time. But luckily for me, as you can see from my avatar, I am a cat. So I always land on my feet, whenever I fall.

Well except for that time I slipped on that banana peal...And that time I was going full speed on my bike and hit the front weal brakes and ended up face first on the cement...And that time when...Well OK OK I have fallen a lot. Maybe its time to change my avatar, since I suck at landing on my feet every time I fall for anything or anyone.

So yes this is definitely a big problem, and its in the way. Therefore it must be removed or destroyed. If you ever find an answer and way, let me know.

Originally posted by galadofwarthethird
reply to post by greyer

 

If you ever find an answer and way, let me know.

I have a way and this is the answer.

Originally posted by Annee
chemical attraction is not love. Sexual attraction is not love.

Oh I know. I really do know - - - about the intensity of "first time" sexual attraction. I got divorced right in the middle of the sexual revolution. It was fantastic.

Love - - Real Love - - is something that last a lifetime.