Slipping down the rabbit hole.

I am writing this as I am looking for advice. This year has been to say the least a negative on all fronts. Almost died in January from spinal meningitis and in August had emergency surgery not once but twice in 3 weeks on my kidney. I feel emotionally wasted to say the least. Being at deaths footsteps in January opened wider the door that has always been marginally opened in paranormal/mystic/metaphysical sense. It was then during the meningitis that I dreamt of a person dying only to read about it two weeks later and it was exactly was I had dreamed about down to the finest detail. I've experienced many interesting things since January that I am still struggling to put a name too or classify which brings me to the current time. During the second surgery I had a vision that I really have been unable to stop thinking about and after that numerous dreams every night of the same person and same scenarios. I've read that dreams are the subconscious minds way of trying to deal with something a problem etc. I am an artist by trade I have degree in graphic design and I am a writer by hobby. I find that right now my creative flow is completely zero. So I am looking for some members who have had similar issues and want to lend some advice as right now I am really do not know how to proceed or what exactly to do. It would seem that I have come to a cross roads in my life and I have to pick a direction.

reply to post by w810i


I've been there a few times. At first I tried to ignore it, but it doesn't always work that well, and sometimes things can rear their head and catch you off guard because by ignoring it, in a way, you're almost not expecting it because you discount it from existing. I'm not saying it does or doesn't, I am skeptical about it, whether or not it's my mind running off a cliff or whether I'm actually experiencing things.

I found the best way to cope, and really correct yourself, with it is to accept it for what it is. To accept that there is more to life than what you can touch and see and feel and smell. That there are really no limits. That said, however, just because you embrace it doesn't mean you have to constantly deal with it. If anything, it allows you to move along. The thing you have to tell yourself, and also truly believe, is that you shouldn't let yourself be susceptible to negative thinking or feeling. If someone is giving you a hard time at work or in line at the DMV you can either ignore it or tell them to, "shut it". Why should you have to deal with it, right? Maybe things are happening things to you for a reason, but there's ultimately a point where you have to say, "Hey!... this is enough!" The truth is, you have a life to live; there's no point in wasting it. Don't let anything or anyone or any thought get in your way.

It's a process, but the point is: Don't give up.

You are power. You are strength. You are more than this body. You are a force to be reckoned with.

reply to post by w810i


Often in times of severe illness the door opens to these experiences and it is not always easy to deal with. You have both the illness and the strangeness to deal with, both at the same time. Not an easy situation as often doctors are totally unable to help. They help the physical illness but are mainly helpless with the spiritual door that has opened. This can lead to despair.

I found Eckhart Tolles words very helpful. He states we have a Life which within it has a life situation. Our Life is our eternal spiritual oneness but our life situation is our human situation, yours at the moment is as you stated in your OP. We can use our life situations for spiritual enlightenment by totally accepting our situation and living completely in the Now. By surrendering without any reservations we find an inner peace to whatever our life situation holds for us. This then leads to an inner strength, the spiritual strength within which exists beyond illness and life situations.

There are no problems in The Now so any worries or negative thoughts can not survive as negative and anxious thoughts require a past and future to survive. By focusing on The Now and refraining from thinking anxious thoughts they can no longer survive. Those "what if" or "what was that" thoughts have no power in The Now. Surrender to your situation, accept it and it will transform itself.

Transmute your suffering into consciouness, allow your acceptance to bring inner peace. You sound a very strong person and I wish you well, none of this is easy to deal with , nobody asks for it but once it has knocked upon our door accepance is the only way.

Originally posted by w810i

I dreamt of a person dying only to read about it two weeks later and it was exactly was I had dreamed about down to the finest detail.

During the second surgery I had a vision that I really have been unable to stop thinking about and after that numerous dreams every night of the same person and same scenarios.

i think i speak for a large number of people when i ask,

will you please tell us the details of your dream? the person and event that occurred? and also please tell us of the vision you had? and the numerous dreams which followed? i am greatly interested in hearing about this from you.

Here is what the dream was about:
www.abovetopsecret.com...
Here is the vision during surgery:
www.abovetopsecret.com...

Ive been able to deal with it mostly until the most recent surgeries then everything went sideways the dreams started and it is always the same thing. Perfect absolute happyness that disolves into sadness and anger. I never dreamt about this person until right before I had the surgeries and then ever since I have had been dreaming about them.

I read the power of the now not too long ago. I like the concept and was employing it until I got sick. Over all right now I am pretty lost.

Originally posted by w810i

I read the power of the now not too long ago. I like the concept and was employing it until I got sick. Over all right now I am pretty lost.

Try reading it again. Eckhart Tolles books contain pure presence which is why we can read them over and over again. Each time we read them they give us more answers. Have a look at the part titled Transforming Illness into Enlightenment on page 180 and see if that helps.

Become the watcher of your illness instead of the experiencer.

Originally posted by w810i
Here is what the dream was about:
www.abovetopsecret.com...
Here is the vision during surgery:
www.abovetopsecret.com...

I never dreamt about this person until right before I had the surgeries and then ever since I have had been dreaming about them.

Originally posted by w810i

dreams every night of the same person and same scenarios.

thank you for pointing me toward those threads, answered my question interesting read,

so what person is it that you cant stop thinking about? the officer from the plow incident? or the driver of the plow? or are you refering to the beings of light? or is it a whole different person and whole different scenario? if so i'd like to hear that also,

assuming it is the officer then you may be thinkin about it with some form of guilt, possibly the fact you had seen it happen before it did makes you feel as though you may have been able to prevent it, but believe me it is not your fault, you could not have known that the one dream out of the many was a real future event, and even if you did, how could you have known who where when all the details needed to intervene, and if you had even known that, it is still not your fault, you werent driving the snow plow, the man who was arrested was. the guilt lies on him,

maybe there is another reason you cant get it off your mind? or maybe i have missed the mark on what it is that you cant get off your mind?

if you feel like you have to keep thinking about it because there is meaning to it that is lost on you thus far, then only you will be able to satisfy that with your own thoughts,

so as i indicated with my numerous question marks .?. i am a bit confused to some of the details here, please clarify for me the points i questioned?

and thank you for sharing your experiences with us, i know such things can be very personal, makes you feel like your putting yourself out on a limb, have strength

After the shock of reading about my dream..I got physically ill and was weirded out for quite away. I finally got over it by researching everything I could about dreams coming true and the probability of such a thing happening.

As for the other dreams. They are of my sons mom. Extremely torturous like living in a nightmare every night.

Still looking for more advice

The Buddha went through a near-death experience by intentionally depriving himself of food and water and material comforts. When he realized that this would only lead to death, he ate a meal to regain his strength and tried again. This was when he meditated under the bodhi tree for 7 days and gained enlightenment. I bring this up because first it takes a traumatic experience to realize the deeper truth of life, and without that jolt of suffering we could not awaken to a higher purpose in life. Using your story as an example, my condolences to your health issues, and I would like to say that if it weren't for those things, perhaps you would not have come here seeking help. When people are content they tend to not seek philosophical answers and instead "veg out" in front of the tv, not caring what they spend their life doing. It is only when we come close to death that we find a deeper strive than simply enjoying sensory information and start to really question the deeper significance of life. So view this as a blessing in disguise as a way to get serious about the real meaning of life.

reply to post by filosophia


I agree very much with your post. It is also important not to make a drama out of such suffering and instead use it for enlightenment. It is far better to become the watcher of illness than allow it to become a story of the self.

I just honestly feel like I came out of the operating room with a passenger. Something that is sucking everything out of me. My ex and I share custody of our 1 yr old son and honestly the only time I am happy and feel good is when I am with my little boy. The rest of the time it feels like I am literally struggling to keep my head above water and not drown in everything Ive dealt with this year. My emotions are all over the map. I cannot think of anything Ive gained from these two illness's. I find myself questioning a lot of things lately. If I had gone this direction instead of that direction etc

reply to post by w810i

This could shake out as depression. Talking to a professional wouldn't hurt and if antidepressants are called for, for a bit...to get you past some serious business...that's ok, too.

As to the apparent psychic manifestations, I'd suggest keeping a journal. That's a pretty good tool for sorting out life's difficult moments as well. These are mundane suggestions, I know, but they can go a long ways towards sorting yourself out. And that's what you're looking for, right?

Honestly I wouldn't even know where to begin as far as talking to a professional ya know? As for the dreams i have a pretty good recall in the waking hours and they just seem to not have a point other then torturing me.

reply to post by w810i


I've honestly felt like I've had something latch on to me before. It fed on my fear. Or, as far as I'm concerned, it might have well been the manifestation of my fear. I got rid of it by simply, firmly telling it to go away. You must tell yourself that you are in control. You must feel it. Know it. I had lost the fire in my eyes and things became dark, but I've brought it back, brighter and stronger than ever, and you can too. I can tell you, once you find that light again, something like this will never hold you down again.