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Heartbroken... AGAIN

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posted on Sep, 21 2011 @ 03:43 AM
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Originally posted by blackmetalmist
Well the fact that he was older was kind of attractive. Im 29, he was 43. He's been married twice and both of those times, he cheated on the women he was with. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that we broke up. I have alot to offer someone and maybe all he was going to end up doing was making me wife #3 and then cheat on me too


I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but here goes.
"He was married TWICE and cheated BOTH times." Isn't that enough of a red flag? Consider yourself lucky you got out now. blessing in disguise is correct.




posted on Sep, 21 2011 @ 03:43 AM
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I know how these goes I just got dumped out of a 4 year relationship with my now ex fiancee its a dang mess.



posted on Sep, 21 2011 @ 05:23 AM
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reply to post by blackmetalmist
 


I know the feeling hun, stay strong and keep positive, as you know I'm going through something similar at the minute.

Things can only get better



posted on Sep, 21 2011 @ 05:43 AM
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reply to post by blackmetalmist
 

Well there the answer to your wonderment at this guy having no interest in what you think or have to say .

Your 26? and hes 43 old . Guys at that age really are not interested in the mind of a 20s something . Surely you know that and what they are interested in ONLY if they are with a young lady your age .

I guess you just learnt the hard way about daddies



posted on Sep, 21 2011 @ 10:58 AM
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reply to [url=http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread754847/pg1#pid12371112]post by blackmetalmist
Dear blackmetalmist,
I can only feel sorry for you together with many other ATS members.
I also had a relationship a while ago. We actually just got bored from eachother and that ruined everything. You can try to be nice, you guys can spend great times in the bed and surprise eachother time to time, but if the osmosis doesn't float between spirits it's like a tree that's not watered. We all have our unique personalities, of course it appears on different levels. We have to learn to respect eachother and if this means we have to stend out of the way, then probably the most respectful is to do so, because relationships are originally long term investment and we can't expect from others or from ourselves being forced in a life that doesn't suite. I still respect my ex girlfriend and i think she is a great person, but of course i know that i never could live a life with her as i use to.
I think the biggest problem was here the lack of recognition of your ex's point that he hurts you so much as he did and from your side that couldn't realise he won't ever be able to adopt to your interest.
I was suffering long, we sunk into one complete dull boredom and both of us were unable to make fair steps towards a good solution that could deliberate us from being trapped between tolerant loyalty and struggle. The only way towards both of our happiness was to make changes. And i had to learn the hard way that you can't change anyone unless they are willing to change. My advice to you is firstly to try to forgive him to ease up your emotions so you can look into your future with a clear mind and heart and won't fall in the mistake looking for the same faults in your future beloved one. The other is: try to adopt. Be wise and expect tiny diletations in your way.
And don't forget! There is ONE out for you too!




posted on Sep, 21 2011 @ 02:43 PM
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Originally posted by Death_Kron
reply to post by blackmetalmist
 


I know the feeling hun, stay strong and keep positive, as you know I'm going through something similar at the minute.

Things can only get better


I know
it sucks being us right now... but it's ok, im already starting to see the light among the darkness. I'm a true believer in destiny. I was with him to learn a lesson and now i did and of course now i wont make the same mistakes again.

I hope things do get better, for you also !



posted on Sep, 21 2011 @ 02:45 PM
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Originally posted by Anusuia
reply to post by blackmetalmist
 

Well there the answer to your wonderment at this guy having no interest in what you think or have to say .

Your 26? and hes 43 old . Guys at that age really are not interested in the mind of a 20s something . Surely you know that and what they are interested in ONLY if they are with a young lady your age .

I guess you just learnt the hard way about daddies


Yeah, i think that was the problem we had. Well i'll make sure that this time i date someone with no baggage or drama. Or way older than me for that matter



posted on Sep, 21 2011 @ 02:48 PM
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Originally posted by blackmetalmist
I know
it sucks being us right now... but it's ok, im already starting to see the light among the darkness. I'm a true believer in destiny. I was with him to learn a lesson and now i did and of course now i wont make the same mistakes again.

I hope things do get better, for you also !


You know where I am if you want a chat



posted on Sep, 21 2011 @ 03:39 PM
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I was with him to learn a lesson and now i did and of course now i wont make the same mistakes again.
reply to post by blackmetalmist
 


Life is a lesson...soo soooo true!!

Whether it is a boyfriend or someone you just met at the store....male or female....
People come in and out of your life all the time. Who YOU decide to hang out is YOUR choice. They are not always meant to stay in your life though. Have you ever heard the saying "people come in your life for a reason and it may be only for a season"?

It is up to you to decide if any relationship is worth another minute and if you think it has potential... then by all means, see where it goes. Red flags will pop up sometimes and when they do..it is up to you to make a quick decision whether or not the red flag is a "deal breaker".... if you decide it is a deal breaker (cheating, addictions and such) these men (or women) go to the "friend zone".


We are all riding out this adventure we call life. Life can be a lot of fun and filled with tons of laughs and it can also be filled with a lot of heartache!! What makes a relationship that has broken up a mistake? It is only a mistake IF you learn from it and not make it again....if you continually find yourself making the same mistake it is then called a habit.
Choose wisely my friend!


One more thing to remember. NO MAN is worth a tear. If you find yourself shedding tears over some dude then know he is NOT the one for you. Obviously people will indeed disagree so a cry here and there a couple of times a year should be expected but not something that is done often!!!

Peace and love to you and may you find reasons to smile today!!! xoxoxo

Jenn



posted on Sep, 21 2011 @ 04:06 PM
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reply to post by MamaJ
 



Thank you Jenn! I think the part that hurt me the most is that he wasnt able to express what he felt. I tried to speak things over with him and tell him "Dont hold it in, just tell me if you dont like something!" or tell him to talk things over before they became more complicated. He didn't do it... he actually did the complete opposite. He would ignore me for days and would disappear. This happened quite a bit throughout our relationship and i simply could not take it anymore. All i wanted for him was to speak up and tell me what was up. Apperently, he wasn't nor will ever be that type of person. I even cried in front of him a few times telling him to never do that again because it hurt me and he promised he wouldn't.. what did you he do a week later.. Same ol thing.



posted on Sep, 21 2011 @ 04:56 PM
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Originally posted by blackmetalmist
reply to post by MamaJ
 



Thank you Jenn! I think the part that hurt me the most is that he wasnt able to express what he felt. I tried to speak things over with him and tell him "Dont hold it in, just tell me if you dont like something!" or tell him to talk things over before they became more complicated. He didn't do it... he actually did the complete opposite. He would ignore me for days and would disappear. This happened quite a bit throughout our relationship and i simply could not take it anymore. All i wanted for him was to speak up and tell me what was up. Apperently, he wasn't nor will ever be that type of person. I even cried in front of him a few times telling him to never do that again because it hurt me and he promised he wouldn't.. what did you he do a week later.. Same ol thing.


My ex was older (13 yrs) and he sounds like your ex.
Some men are like that though...not good at expressing them selves.

I have learned over the years and I want to share what I have learned.


Always be honest and let them know what your feelings are but only IF they are of concern AFTER pondering or analyzing them. You have to be precise with these thoughts that you manifest into action (words) though....

Tell them your rules every time one of them is broken. By all means though, pick your battles.

3 strikes (red flags) you're out!!!! Once you have told a boyfriend something a couple of times it should sink in, it really should. But....they are a different breed so you have to treat them as such.


You say.....this right here (what they did or didn't do) is a red flag. I am weighing the pros and cons and I am not sure I can deal with this. Let me tell you why......and then tell him!! See what he says. Ask him, how do you feel about it? If he gives a good response then see if he follows through. If you don't like the response, either send him to the 'friend zone' or speak more about it and see if they eventually give you the response you are in search for. If they don't....send them packin girl!
Time is precious...move on.

What kind of man do you see yourself with FOREVER?



posted on Sep, 22 2011 @ 11:47 AM
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reply to post by Death_Kron
 






posted on Sep, 22 2011 @ 11:49 AM
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reply to post by MamaJ
 



Thank you for your words. I do have a better sense of understanding now than i did a few days ago. I guess part of me didnt want to believe it but now that ive accepted the TRUTH instead of wanting to hear what i wanted to hear.

Thanks everyone for their support



posted on Sep, 22 2011 @ 05:53 PM
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reply to post by blackmetalmist
 


I am going to reply to this thread the way you replied to mine, I thank you for that. Yeah, it sucks when you care more about the person then they did for you and in the end they are just merciless and leave you hanging like that. As everyone on ATS has been telling me, you will be fine as time goes on. It will be hard, but in the end, when one door closes, another one will open, you just have to let your heart heal and stand up from falling down.



posted on Sep, 22 2011 @ 05:57 PM
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Originally posted by Unvarnished
reply to post by blackmetalmist
 


I am going to reply to this thread the way you replied to mine, I thank you for that. Yeah, it sucks when you care more about the person then they did for you and in the end they are just merciless and leave you hanging like that. As everyone on ATS has been telling me, you will be fine as time goes on. It will be hard, but in the end, when one door closes, another one will open, you just have to let your heart heal and stand up from falling down.


From the looks of the replies, and posts shes made..she doesn't seem to damn heartbroken to me...


I know..some of you think I'm a biatch... but I call it like I see it...this girl is playing some of you guys on the board..like you're putty in her hands.

I tell you no one who is TRULY heart broken starts flirting, and fishing for single guys ..I think it was about her 5th posts down this thread where she started asking if they were any single available guys on the site.

Hey..its all good to try and find singles on this site..if that's what you're looking for....I don't have a problem with that..but please..leave the "I'm so heartbroken" BS behind..

I know.. I know....I'm such a biatch...some of you are thinking.

Well to those who agree with me silently...heres a toast to you..(clinks glass)

edit on 22-9-2011 by gabby2011 because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 22 2011 @ 07:00 PM
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Originally posted by gabby2011

Originally posted by Unvarnished
reply to post by blackmetalmist
 


I am going to reply to this thread the way you replied to mine, I thank you for that. Yeah, it sucks when you care more about the person then they did for you and in the end they are just merciless and leave you hanging like that. As everyone on ATS has been telling me, you will be fine as time goes on. It will be hard, but in the end, when one door closes, another one will open, you just have to let your heart heal and stand up from falling down.


From the looks of the replies, and posts shes made..she doesn't seem to damn heartbroken to me...


I know..some of you think I'm a biatch... but I call it like I see it...this girl is playing some of you guys on the board..like you're putty in her hands.

I tell you no one who is TRULY heart broken starts flirting, and fishing for single guys ..I think it was about her 5th posts down this thread where she started asking if they were any single available guys on the site.

Hey..its all good to try and find singles on this site..if that's what you're looking for....I don't have a problem with that..but please..leave the "I'm so heartbroken" BS behind..

I know.. I know....I'm such a biatch...some of you are thinking.

Well to those who agree with me silently...heres a toast to you..(clinks glass)

edit on 22-9-2011 by gabby2011 because: (no reason given)


Oh dear Gabby.... Here's my words to you. First of all, I am not playing anyone nor do i have any personal gain for playing anyone. The men that have left me comments on this thread have nothing but supportive unlike you, a woman. Now you dont know ME on a personal basis and I dont know YOU on a personal basis but i can sense that you have some kind of issues that you need to work on. I'm not sure if maybe a woman took your boyfriend away, or someone cheated on you but it looks to me that you have this hidden anger towards men leaving me comforting comments. Get over it. I've read some of your other comments on other threads and you seem to be a typical troll that goes around starting arguments. Maybe that's what excites you i dont know. So that's my advice.

Its quite flattering that you think I'm that important that i have everyone like "putty" in my hands but i hate to burst your bubble and tell you NO. I dont have that attention that you seem to think I do.

As for the heartbroken, I'll be the first one to personally tell you that after giving it much consideration and thought, im REJOICED that i got rid of unwanted baggage in my life and that yeah.. maybe after all heartbroken isnt the term to use now. Everyone who responded and left me comments made me realize that I didnt need that kind of person in my life. I failed to see that in the beginning but thanks to everyone my self esteem has highly risen and now i feel that i can go on with my life.

That being said, no i dont think you are biatch. Your'e just an angry person with some personal issues who needs to take them to professional help instead of assuming things about someone you dont know. We all know what happens when you Assume. You make a you know what out of yourself.



posted on Sep, 22 2011 @ 07:11 PM
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reply to post by gabby2011
 


Come on now, even if her story is 100% BS who cares??? She's getting attention from guys because they either sympathize with her or they could have the hots for her, maybe both... That make you mad? Jealousy is a very unattractive quality in a person.....



posted on Sep, 22 2011 @ 07:20 PM
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reply to post by blackmetalmist
 





Oh dear Gabby.... Here's my words to you. First of all, I am not playing anyone nor do i have any personal gain for playing anyone. The men that have left me comments on this thread have nothing but supportive unlike you, a woman. Now you dont know ME on a personal basis and I dont know YOU on a personal basis but i can sense that you have some kind of issues that you need to work on. I'm not sure if maybe a woman took your boyfriend away, or someone cheated on you but it looks to me that you have this hidden anger towards men leaving me comforting comments. Get over it. I've read some of your other comments on other threads and you seem to be a typical troll that goes around starting arguments. Maybe that's what excites you i dont know. So that's my advice.


the only issue I have to work on is being brutally honest...and your sense about me..is very wrong..no one has ever stolen a man from me...

Have I left a few in the dust... after too many red flags...yep..

No..I don't have an issue with men..I think they can be gullible though..

I don't start arguments either..like I said..I have a problem with being honest...doesn't mean I'm always right about things...

You say I'm a troll for stating my mind..and I think you're trolling for male attention..under the guise of being heartbroken.

Honestly..I don't think I would have had a problem with you ..if you could have just been upfront about your intentions.

Just say.."hey..was in a relationship where the guy and I weren't on the same wavelength..am really into conspiracy theories ,and wouldn't mind meeting a guy that can relate" I would have had a lot more respect for you had you done it that way.




Its quite flattering that you think I'm that important that i have everyone like "putty" in my hands but i hate to burst your bubble and tell you NO. I dont have that attention that you seem to think I do.


yeah..you're probably right on that one..I definitely overstated the "putty" part...and there are too many smart men on ATS.




That being said, no i dont think you are biatch. Your'e just an angry person with some personal issues who needs to take them to professional help instead of assuming things about someone you dont know. We all know what happens when you Assume. You make a you know what out of yourself.


Considering you weren't very good at reading the personality of your ex..for over a year..I hardly think you qualify as a decent judge of my character.

For you information, I'm not an angry person..(I was at one time..after awakening to some ugly truths about this world)..but I have come to terms with it..

As far as assuming goes...yes..please don't make an ass of yourself by assuming you know what my problems are...because you really don't.

Good luck with your life...and I do sincerely wish you happiness.




posted on Sep, 22 2011 @ 07:25 PM
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Originally posted by jheated5
reply to post by gabby2011
 


Come on now, even if her story is 100% BS who cares??? She's getting attention from guys because they either sympathize with her or they could have the hots for her, maybe both... That make you mad? Jealousy is a very unattractive quality in a person.....


I don't have a problem with her getting attention, and if they have the hots for her...good on them..

I just don't like manipulation, and I see her as a manipulator.

And why the hell would I be jealous ?... I have no interest in anyone here, and I don't need or want attention of that nature from anyone on this board.

Only an immature mind that thinks that way would suspect it of someone else. Please ..don't judge me by the way you think and feel.



posted on Sep, 22 2011 @ 07:35 PM
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If she is manipulating people, then to what end? I mean everyone in here has responded with general concern and kindness, even if the story isn't real many people can relate and can look at the responses and know that people are here on ATS willing to give someone support no matter what their problems are..... Isn't that the most important thing we should take from our time here????





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