Well, dear friend, where to begin....
It began August 30th in a strange way. I was on a business trip of all things. I'm not going to go into great detail, but let's just say I've had
an addiction to a few things for over 20 years. One was marijuana, the other caffeine- and I mean extreme amounts of both. Before leaving on the trip,
I made the decision to quit both immediately. I stopped both Sunday, August 28.
By the time the 30th came, I'd depleted all the energy I had. This was mainly due to the fact that from August 28 to September 5, I simply could not
eat. The withdrawal symptoms were terribly bad (minimum 12pk Mountain Dew for about 20 years- I wonder why...
). The afternoon of the 30th began,
and by then most of the mental and emotional barriers I had spent my whole life erecting were gone. The level of openness I felt was overwhelming to
say the least, but I had no strength left to attempt to block it. In the meeting I started feeling what I could only describe as "the essence of
every living thing" in the room. I could almost feel what others felt just by glancing at them, and it was rather unsettling. The afternoon meeting
ended, and I assumed that I would feel better after going to bed early. I was wrong......
I woke in the morning exhausted from what felt was a "waking dream" that ran all night. But something was different. While I still felt terrible
from the withdrawal, I felt an "energy" in myself I had not felt before. Most of my dream was spent examining/contemplating the world's problems,
the terrible suffering that is occurring globally, and possible solutions to these problems. Even though I had severe problems of my own, something
gave me strength from concentrating on others' plight instead of my own. This was 5 days in for me, and I had a total nutritional uptake of less than
1000 calories and drinking only distilled water.
This feeling I had intensified the more I focused on others and less on myself. Since I liked they way it made me feel, I immersed myself in the
problems of the world's human population, trying to figure out some way to help. By Saturday I was home- and about 10am CDT- it happened. I was
watching the Global Consciousness nodes live when a level of, well, euphoria I guess, hit me so hard I started laughing uncontrollably. It was if I
felt every conceivable emotion simultaneously, and while you may think that is a bad thing, I can tell you it is not. I instantly realized that we
humans and our mere thoughts are THE problems in the world, and the physical and material effects were just a byproduct of that.
I felt everything around me become one, which I now know is exactly what we are- ONE. I have no way to explain it- I simply accept that it is. We are
not meant to understand everything in the universe, and the moment you stop looking for all the answers is when the answer comes to you in all it's
beauty. All I seem to care about now is trying to ease others' suffering, making the world a better place for all of us. I wrote a response to
someone in a thread some time ago, but never truly grasped the meaning of it until now- "The world needs what we can be when we are no longer afraid;
when we know who we are, and why we are, and what we want; when we are no longer looking for reasons to live, but can simply be."
All I do know for sure is something happened that changed me at the very core of my being. I am not a Bodhisattva, a religious fanatic, or any other
descriptor used to stamp, signify, or classify my existence. I am a living entity that, while here on this world, believes in life above all other
things. I love my life, but would give it to save another, regardless if friend or foe, because IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. It is my supreme hope
that my story helps others see the world for what it really is, but I also know that each person must understand it for themselves. Understanding our
own existence cannot be told or taught- it must be discovered and realized in one's own self. It is intimately unique and personal for each
individual, requiring one to face the worst attributes of one's self, acknowledge our flaws so to look past the self, and committing to the path of
the betterment of humanity.
Love to all of you, but more importantly- HOPE.