How To Deal With Mean People

We all deal with mean people in life, some more than others. In fact some of us may even be considered mean to others. I don't really see this topic talked about much here, so I thought I would bring it up. If someone in any given situation is mean to you, how do you handle it? Do you respond with anger or peace?

Sometimes its hard to not get angry, especially if someone is being persistent in trying to be mean to you.

honestly, ill be mean back

Treat them the way they treat you. Or just avoid the whole situation completely.

Originally posted by binkbonk
[SNIP]

Warning in 3..2..1...

Ontopic:

Really depends on the situation.
I'm a very peacefull person and only been in a fight once, instigated by another perso. Being hostile towards a friend for no reason..

Some people say violence isn't the answer.
I say sometimes it is.

Remember Casey?
(the kid who got bullied?)

Prime example.

If you don't know casey, look him up.
Epic!!

He should be in MMA

If someone is being "mean" to you, be mean back twice as much - twice as fast - twice as loud.

If someone is being "rude" to you, kill them with kindness -

- Or like Dr. Hannibal Lecter would say "Eat their liver with fava beans and a nice chianti."

Originally posted by Ralphy

We all deal with mean people in life, some more than others. In fact some of us may even be considered mean to others. I don't really see this topic talked about much here, so I thought I would bring it up. If someone in any given situation is mean to you, how do you handle it? Do you respond with anger or peace?

Sometimes its hard to not get angry, especially if someone is being persistent in trying to be mean to you.

The whole trouble with this subject is the term "mean"..... it's kind of relative.

Define mean? What you perceive as mean might be an other man's idea of straight forward.

In any case, if you encounter a "mean" person.....talk.

Peace

I read something the other day about a mother telling her child that if someone is mean to you or offends you, you should rise your soul up so high that the nasty actions and words can't touch you. I'll try to remember this next time someone is an arse to me.

I find sometimes that if you are nice to the people that are mean to you they get very confused and don't know how to respond.
I do it all the time at work. I deal with the public a lot and always know when someone disslikes me (for some unknown reason, human nature is weird...) so I instead of being nasty I would talk back with a nice smile and a have a great day sir.
The look on their face is priceless everytime!

■Rocco: How did you do that?
■Spike: You’re tense, I’m calm. You apply excessive force and I control that force through fluid motion. That means relaxing the whole body so it can react instantly without resistance—no, without thought. Do you see now? It means becoming like clear water.
■Rocco: Water.
■Spike: Right. Water can take any form. It drifts without effort one moment, then pounds down in a torrent the very next

I too have found that reflection is the best defense against offensive personalities.

I grew up in the city of Chicago and wore glasses.....and learned this lesson very early on.

If it's all talk, give it right back.

Most loudmouths cannot take what they spew and will move on to a more submissive victim.

If it comes to blows then ALWAYS get the first punch in and give it back ten fold ! Heavy Emphasis on the 10 fold !

There is Nothing like getting bug eyes of shock from an astonished bully when they're staring up at you from the ground !

And Most of all ....Don't Live in Fear. Life is too short.

PEACE

In my opinion, the best way to handle a mean person, is through understanding exactly why that person is being mean.

It is very difficult for a mean person to affect you negatively if you what they are going through. On top of that, when you aren't affected anymore, the mean person stops being mean because the springboard is dead. Win-win

Even the kindest people are mean sometimes. Once you identify your own 'triggers-of-harshness', they are more easily spotted in others. You get reminded that we're all fighting our own battles, and the rest is water off a duck's back.

In healing yourself, you dis-arm others

And I agree that, even if you work at it, there is still that damn tipping point. I try my best to be kind, but some days.....some people.....

reply to post by Ralphy


Well to "deal with it" you first have to "deal with yourself" as ultimately you can alter your responce to the percieved "meaness"...

By "deal with yourself" I mean you have to understand that it is your perception of their actions/words that triggers the "meanie" alarm in your head...It is infinately easier to change ones self than someone else...

basically the key is not to "deal with them" but to "deal with yourself" in the sense that you can walk away, ignore them or more importantly ignore your ego that is telling you to "do something about it", laugh it off, become oblivious, redirect YOUR attention...DEAL WITH YOURSELF...

I work with the criminally insane and some of the most diffictult people imagineable, ultimately to avoid going home from work feeling horrible I have to alter my perspective and "deal with myself"...

at least thats how I handle it...

I smirk, light a cigarette and walk away. If someone is being mean to me, they are going out of their way to do so. I don't need to waste that energy and time to entertain them.
Just like another poster had mentioned, all you need to do is reflect on yourself like water.

The person being mean is like an obstacle in a river, if you think of yourself as that body of water, all you need to do is move around the object. If the object persists in getting in the way of the river's flow, eventually it gets destroyed.

Bullies for example are like persistent obstacles, and deserve no quarter once they have reached the breaking point. People who are just mean to everyone and general A-holes, are like logs and stones in the river, easily maneuverable past.

So I guess the best way to deal with mean people, is to not deal with them at all.

Kill them with kindness!! This has always worked well for me. It throws people off balance and they don't know how to respond when you stand there and do nothing but smile a sugary sweet smile and be extremely friendly.
Let me give you a quick real life example, it was also one of the scariest moments of my life!!!

It was Dec 23rd 9:45 pm and I was working in a convenience store that closes at 10 pm. My coworker and I thought we would slip outside smoke a cigarette and take some boxes to the dumpster when we notice that there is a guy crouched down in the seat of his truck thats parked next to the dumpster. It was literally freezing cold out that night and we were concerned about the guy so we walk up to the truck and he moved.. we screamed.. he screamed and stepped out of his truck. He said he was waiting on a friend so we told him to come inside grab a cup of coffee and warm up.

My coworker opens the door and walks in, Im holding the door and motion for the man to go on in and warm up when I notice that he is wearing a hoodie with that big kangaroo pocket in front with something bulky in it. He grabs a cup of coffee and my internal radar is going all "bells and whistles" in my head over his bulky pocket. So I strike up a friendly conversation! Asked him if he was warming up any, offered him some home made cookies that a previous customer had brought to us earlier that evening. During the 5 minutes of conversation I learned several things. that he was out of work and had a bleak Christmas before him. During all this I kept trying to get a better look at his pocket when ever he wasn't looking my way.

At one minute to 10 pm my coworker lets him know that we are closing and to get himself another cup of coffee for the road and bags up a bunch of left over cookies for his kids and he starts walking to the register and is going to pay for his coffee. I told him no, that the coffee was on us and he starts looking really nervous - indecisive and is fumbling in his pocket. And I'm thinking to myself.." this is it we are going to get robbed...god I hope he doesn't shoot me for a couple of lousy bucks." When my co worker walks to the front door and motions him out he turns a bit and I see the handle of a revolver poke out of his pocket. Now I'm sweating bullets right about now and wish him a peaceful Christmas and tell him that the New Year will bring him new options in life yada yada and i know that he knew that I knew he had a gun in his pocket because he looked instantly all sheepish, he wished my a Merry Christmas took the cookies and his coffee... hung his head and walked out the door.

I will never forget the look on that mans face. To me it said that he couldnt bring himself to rob two nice people who were concerned about him and who took 5 minutes of our busy day to make some small talk and send him off with coffee plus yummy cookies.

After we locked the doors we called the police and the owners to let them know and you know what? THE POLICE NEVER SHOWED UP!!! Two scared to death women standing in a dark store and an armed man in our parking lot and the police couldn't be bothered to do at least drive by!!!!


So Always smile and be friendly even when someone is being mean or rude, it throws them for a loop and makes them ultimately rethink their actions. You can always rant and rave about it later with your friends.

Originally posted by Ralphy

We all deal with mean people in life, some more than others. In fact some of us may even be considered mean to others. I don't really see this topic talked about much here, so I thought I would bring it up. If someone in any given situation is mean to you, how do you handle it? Do you respond with anger or peace?

Sometimes its hard to not get angry, especially if someone is being persistent in trying to be mean to you.

yes, you are right that sometimes it's very hard not to get angry...
but, every time when i would respond back with anger i would later regret it!

so my advice to everyone is to respond back with peace
it's not the easy thing to do... but, it pays off in the long run!
and then you can sleep better too

As has been said it really does depend on the situation, but basically you've just got to keep your cool. If they're too stupid/stressed to realise they're being rude then responding in kind is pointless and will just aggravate the situation. Chances are they know what they are doing and have chosen you as a target because you have victim stamped on your forehead. In fact OP, no offence but you chose the word 'mean' which just sounds childish, like you're going to run off to mummy so she can stop the big meanie being mean. It's tough because when someone speaks to you like you're a child, it's in our instincts to respond as a child but being petulant just makes it more fun for the meanie.

Your emotions are your own, don't let them flap around in front of people who may take advantage of them.

reply to post by SilentE

I find sometimes that if you are nice to the people that are mean to you they get very confused and don't know how to respond.

Bingo.....hahaha! It's sometimes hard to do in the heat of the moment, but what you said is very true. It throws them for a loop. It's also fun to watch someone's reaction when you're arguing with them and they point out some error or "fault" on your part and you agree that they are correct because they usually presume you will come back fighting to defend yourself. People HATE that....especially those who thrive on drama....lol

Be the bigger man and walk away from them, no point wasting your time and energy on such people.

Whatever you do in response to such behavior is reasonable, if it seems appropriate for the matter at hand.

Although, counter actions may seem disturbing to some it will benefit you one way or the other. You will never know unless you've experienced it.

That does not mean you can start trouble for the sack of experience. The point is, whatever you say in response, is reasonable and appropriate if situation calls for it.

But do have in mind that you are capable of neutralizing confrontations in any given situation...