Dark poetry

I don't know if I'm allowed to put this here or not... It is not a short story, it's dark poetry that I would like to share. If you read it, I hope you enjoy it. Thoughts, opinions, suggestions all welcomed.

If it doesn't belong here please let me know, I'm happy to delete it... Thanks!

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I have a friend, his name is pain

Tripping on power and low self esteem, like a razor cutting jagged pieces of my heart bit by bit, unholy, deceiving, pathetic and weak.

Flawed and distorted are the lies, the sweaty skin that you despise.

Parasitic and lonely, lacking self control, a dark side raging and insensitive.

Too much hate, controlling you and changing me forever.

The storm raged on and it ate me alive as I threw away trust.

Apathetic and nothing hurts, obligations that are weathered with doubt and regret, you bring down every person and soul around you. The blood won't wash off your hands and beauty is only obscene growing in your cold heart.

A total screw up... delusional hated and scarred.

Narcissistic and needy, relentless, uncaring, keeping secrets and hiding... emotionless as far as anyone can see. God how I love to hate you. So much that it grows into a massacre.

The chaos in the eyes of this sadomasochistic angel, ruin and rot in the home where so much of my blood has been spilled down decaying stairs, and countless hallways where portraits of madmen, slayers and cutters watch the sheep led unknowingly to their razor.

I will tell you for your own good, its not that good. But hey we all have to star some where.

reply to post by 8ILlBILl8


Thanks. I threw it out there from my head so... what would make it better? Any constructive suggestions?

reply to post by 8ILlBILl8


When giving a negative critique, wouldn't it be fair to at least give some indication as to why you have decided to pan the work?

What I read from your post, as far as constructive criticism goes, is a big fat zero and an unrelated whinge about stars.

reply to post by masqua


Thanks I was wondering about that myself.

I am looking for criticism… positive, negative, whatever.
If someone feels that its just bad that’s fine but a reason might be nice so I can learn something maybe?

Oh well, if nothing else it’s out here and not just stuck in my head anymore

I think its intriguing ,and seems to tell a story... in a shadowy sort of way.

It definitely is sad,and full of pain.. .. but much of life is.

I'm happy you got it out of your head and on paper...and I'm sure there are souls who can relate to the pain and disappointment it describes.

reply to post by gabby2011


Thanks for the comment Gabby, I appreciate your input.
Is that how it makes you feel personally? I think it's interesting how different people interpret things...

reply to post by Skorpiogurl


when i read it..it just seemed to portray someone who had lost trust..due to cruelty..

it was difficult to understand at some points who the author was talking about..someone else..or the author ?

reply to post by gabby2011


Thanks again!

reply to post by Skorpiogurl


Wow.
I like it. It's good to get your anger out and on paper. Getting it out like this can be healthy. It's way better than taking it out on someone!
Just try not to let the anger control you....

Overall, it's really good. I wish I could let mine out in public like this..in a good way..instead of in the middle of reptilian threads where I'm liable to get banned!