posted on Sep, 9 2011 @ 01:40 PM
I used to deal with very low self esteem.
Over the years my sense of self has grown, and ive become exactly that which i most admired in others; the ability to just be carefree.
Nonetheless, i feel a profound feeling of gratitutude to God for initiating this growth and enabling me to function normally.
Now, some people would criticize this approach as self deprecratory. What should you feel greatful? Youre just coming to know yourself again. This is
just how things are; you deserve this and you have nothing to feel greatful about.
While i can understand the fact that this state is natural and normal, i still cant explain how it came about. Why at this age did i become more
spiritual? Why did i go through this, that led me here, which caused me to go through this, which led me to read this, study that, which led to my
great insight into my essential and self growth and liberation from my problem.
I see this unknown as being beautiful, caring and benevolent. Which seeks our good, no matter condition we are in. My knowledge, and certainty, that i
deserve this spiritual state that im in, does not prevent my from being greatful.
Its just odd that two contradictive perceptions - i deserve this, and yet i should be greatful for it, can dwell in the same spot. Both true. Both