Is it to much trust or not enough i cant decide!

So there is an ex that i have that i have been going around in circles with for about the past 3 years. Why? Well id have to say its because i love her. Sure ive loved before but for whatever reason this paticular person has a incredible strong hold on me. I am absoulutly not the person who wears their heart on their sleeve, as a matter of fact im quite the opposite. I have a steel cage around mine most of the time and thats not say im cold hearted i definately am not. I get along great with people and listen and give as good advice as i can and want to see people make it in life ..but when it comes to matters of the heart i tread carefully.


Having said that ill go ahead and say this. In the past i have let my heart love only to an extent and then cut off the pathway( yes i realize that is unhealthy) and over the years i got better and better but still stoped myself from going all the way so to speak lol. I will try not to be graphic but this is relative to this situation. It used to be that i could only have sex and the thought of making love was out of the question, even if i loved the person greatly. There was another relationship i had prior to this one and i really wanted to make an effort to "make love" to them..and this is about after 4 years of dating, the time came and i failed miserably. I tried, i went into it telling myself this is what i wanted to do and my body, mind and heart stoped me. So i accepted that if it were to ever happen it wouldnt be because i thought that it should it would be because it was right.

Well when i met the one im currently talking about we will call her "Laurel" I honestly thought it wouldnt last that long lol. But as time passed i felt myself opening up, unknowingly i might add, to her and it became about love..and not just the in love feelings..it was pure love..selfless love lol for the most part. I wanted to help her in any possible way i could. emotionally, anyway that she needed me. At one point when we were engaging in activity lol if you catch my drift, a phsyical sensation came over me like ive never expirenced. I felt like we were melting into each other and i felt electrified with every touch and i took extreme notice of every detail with her..from the beat of her heart to the look in her eyes every single detail. Afterwards it had dawned on me. I MADE LOVE. lol. at the time i was just utterly beside myself. Questions like " why her? we havent been dating that long" and " How could i just open my heart and soul like that without thinking it through" then i rememberd what i had told myself before about it being right and not being something i thought i should do. Ok so in my heart it felt right and obviously my body agreed too. Now Alittle about laurel. She is a beautiful person inside and out HOWEVER getting her to be forthcoming about her emotions is like pulling teeth! I have seen her genuine . Her actions really do speak louder then words the big problem is Regardless of how much she loves you she doesnt like risking being vaunerable lol who does this sound like? (me) . but see i have come leaps and bounds. The truth is this. I know she loves me but the problem is she is incrediably indecisive about what she wants to do. She wants to be happy but on the other hand doesnt know if she could handle it. I understand that this is a personal problem within her self that she is going to have to work through and cannot be forced and im not forcing. We have left each other "mostly me" because i cannot take the back and forth on what she wants..i feel i cant trust her when she says i love you and i want to share a life with you or when she says that shes changed her mind.

I recall 3 times now where she has called me to tell me that she is changing that she is working on her emotional problems and that she is trying hard to progress and that she wants me with her. then she reverts back to backing out. I got in contact with her the other day and yet again she says she is progessing still. and that she was still trying to figure out the situation with me. At this point i know ill always love her..i may be the fool but i always will want to be there. Even if there was some chance of getting together now i wouldnt take it simply because she is not ready and i tend to wait on her..hence the past three years and i wait because i have hope that she will figure out exactly how to communicate her feelings in a healthy way. and when she gets to that point and states that it will not work out with us ill be fine..but until i can get that closure im kind of in a rut and my heart just wont let her go. Ive tried EVERYTHING. ive had other relationships..ive tried to be angry..ive tried praying about it lol ive broken soul ties. NOTHING seems to help and the only conclusion i can come up with is that im not supposed to let it go. i feel there is no other way to free myself of her. Either im trusting way to much by continueing to be there or not enough to listen to what she says..lol but i like i said thats complicated in itself because one minute its day and the other its night and its maddening to me because i want the stability and she struggles with that but she is saying she is making effort to change that. I sincerely hope thats the case. But ideas on what to possibly do? Also, sorry for making this such a long post. believe me i could have made it way longer lol.

reply to post by concerned24


Wall of Text is a wall. Dude... space out your paragraphs more.

i believe the saying is if you love them let them go if they come back its ment to be...comes into play and for the most part it can be true and others it wont...it seems like you love the girl and not just the kiddie love..real love where they are your world and you would gladly take a bullet without a second thought....but if shes not ready there is nothing you can do...you can go about your days and hope maybe she makes it threw and can commit if not then sadly its a loss cause...im not saying give up on her but let things just flow if it works awsome if not atleast you can hold your head up and say " I Tried"

reply to post by TsukiLunar


My apologies, Will remember that next time. and thats dudette. thanks

reply to post by Calex1987


Your exactly right, and that was my thought after we split up three years ago..however its been 3 years and shes still coming around lol granted she still isnt ready but the fact she is still around should mean something i guess.

Crazy people aren't worth your time.
Bolt.

reply to post by concerned24


well maybe your meant to be friends heck even best friends maybe...me and my best friend along time ago tried the dating thing and it just was not working....so we gave up and became really good friend and 10 years later you cant separate the two of us..we are best friends and have been since..so sometimes things work out a different way for the better...only time will tell if you have any more questions feel free to ask and ill do my best to answer ither in messages or on here its your call

reply to post by Calex1987


You have a message

reply to post by concerned24


well if u want you can send me your e-mail in private cuz apparently i cant send private messages after 3 attempts haha....i copy'd the last one so i didnt have to retype it again -.-