posted on Sep, 8 2011 @ 01:56 AM
I am observing increasingly a rise in sexism lately- against men. Maybe it is because I am a woman and find myself in groups of women often, or on
discussion boards which are highly populated by women.... but I hear a lot of anti-masculinity stuff that surprises me.
It surprises me because these same women can be very aggressive against sexism when it comes to women ! I am surprised they do not see the
I know it is not just my own observation, I talk to men who struggle with this attitude all the time- their woman wants them to be non-aggressive,
non-violent, gentle, integration-minded instead of separation-minded, peaceful and non-conflictual.....
But then they are mad when the guy doesn’t stand up and get aggressive in some situations- be forceful in confronting an abusive landlord, or
standing up to an abusive boss, getting aggressive with a male friend who talked trash about him or his wife......
There are some men today that have really bought into the new man idea and have worked hard at integrating their inner woman, learning things like
passivity, like compassion..... doing the chores once considered « womans work » like staying at home to take care of the children and do housework.
They remain sensitive at all times, alert to the womans needs in the most subtle forms, and avoiding conflict at all turns.
I know a few couples like that, and in each case, the woman has ended up having affairs or at some point leaving him. One couple I know were the
perfect modern couple- she worked, he stayed at home with the kids. They ate only healthy and organic. They did weeklong hikes in nature coupled with
regular periods of fasting. They were in touch with nature, sensitive, intuitive. Then he started suicide attempts. She got sick of it and started
having affairs. Then she left him. It seems he was just acting out what he was doing inside- he had been trying to kill off his masculine side all
along. It seems inevitable that would also become manifest through the being that is their couple!
Then there is the sad call of the « nice » guys, that ever wonder- why do I never get the girl ? Why do they always just want to be friends and go
for the egotistical jerk ??
It is a paradox for the men, who come out the loser either way in relationships.
The sexism is sometimes veiled, or subconscious, as when women condemn « people who are competative » or people who are combative, selfish,
aggressive..... of course we all have these traits somewhere in us, but men usually have it more pressing and conscious, whereas in the past, women
have projected their anima upon their partner. Well now they have it manifesting through them instead. Which is all well and fine- except I find they
are not acknowledging it (so not mastering it). They are being aggressive, combative , selfish, all the while they are voicing condemnation of it !
It is the schism that grabs me, the lack of integrity, that has become prevalent and widely accepted and encouraged.
They don’t want to mommy their men, and but they do want him to protect the family from threat. They don’t want him to stay at home and be lazy,
but they do want him to be ever alert to their needs (spoken or not) and focused on them. They don’t want him to be oppositional, but rather
constantly search integration, peace..... but they want a guy who will stand up and have some balls.
Perhaps it is just the natural swing of the pendalum- we left a period of sexism towards women, and so now it swings the other way. I find it hard to
watch without pointing out what I see.
I don’t know the answer. I myself have percieved a conflict within at times, between being irritated by my husbands aggressive and competative
urges, and then noticing I also like that he defends himself and what is his against threat actively. I want him to be sensitive to the needs and
feelings of others, but it drives me nuts when he so sensitive I need to repress my own complaints or feelings for fear of traumatizing him. I want
him to be compassionate and understanding of others, but it bugs me when he so easily influenced by friendly salespeople or whiny friends asking for
help that it turns out they didn’t really need.
In my own self examination, I found that my intellect is attracted to those are similar in mind to myself. But my body seems to be attracted to those
that are the opposite of myself. This makes sense, as far as biological reproduction is concerned, of course. But even when it comes to the
non-physical parts of relationships, contrast can be complimentary and a source of balance !
So I acknowledge both these feelings and end up usually being able to just let him be as he wills from one moment to the next. If he gets too full of
himself and has begun to push his limits into my space, I tell him, and he pulls it back immediately. Recently someone tried to con us, and we caught
them, then they caused us to lose the sale of my business and we lost a lot of money. He ended up having a hostile confrontation with the guy that
almost went to fists.
I did feel this was a bit over the top, but reminded myself that I like a strong protector soemtimes and this feels right to him. But I made a few
jokes and snickers about it as being unecessary. Until I got to hear the men in the village talk about him- he had risen in respect ten fold, as the
man in question was much disliked and distrusted, and everyone was afraid him. In mens worlds, they get the need for aggression, violence, and
hostility at times. I admit it baffles me in the moment. But socially there is a whole dynamic of masculinity which has hierarchy that opposes the
feminine view of all as equal.
This had him on a testosterone rush for days, liek a gorilla that keeps on banging their chest and shaking trees in their surge of force. He started
to be a bit of a dick to me and being inconsiderate. I got pissed and let him know. He immediately went back to his more balanced self the next day
(and it has remained so ever since).
I don’t know where I am going with this. I guess I am still trying to digest my feelings and thoughts. I don’t understand the recent rise in women
wanting a metrosexual or « sensitive guy », but feeling unfulfilled with them too. I understand having a conflict with these two desires inside, but
I do not understand going into denial or refusing to acknowledge one of them, so that it ruins relationships subtly and in sneaky ways.
Am I totally off ? Have no others percieved this problem ? I am in France, so perhaps it is a french problem ? I was thinking it is not, as I have
communicated and listened to a lot of friends around the world struggling with same. I have watched it happen with my relatives.