I haven't had a chance to read through the thread yet, as I've been avoiding it. I realised that if I was going participate it would have to be from a
place I've stored away.
In my own life, a few things had happened long before that would bring out the suffering reality of the hopelessness many others may never
I've experienced those losses. If you have too, then you know. If you haven't, you couldn't, and that's the way it is.
My story begins earlier when my fiance tragically lost her life at the age of 28, and my sister a year before that.
Driving to work the following week, it hit me like a brick, I completely lost my fear of death. It was just gone, and hasn't come back. Struggling
with myself, I didn't want it to be true, but it was.
That isn't to say I'll live the rest of my life doing wreck-less things without any reprisal though, I still don't like pain. When you lose someone so
connected, a part of you dies, but you can also gain the understanding just how finite and valuable each and every person's life is.
Ten years in, and I still can't accept the fact that there's nothing in this world I can do to bring her back.
I couldn't possibly leave out this part of the "story", as it was the single most important part that made that day such an emotionally powerful
experience, because I knew.
I knew that tens of thousands of family and friends were about to go through what I had been dealt, and I lived it with them. I've never talked about
it until recently, and with people I don't even know, here on ATS.
On to the events.
A couple weeks before 9/11, a game called WWIIOL was set for a release on 9/12. They had created a chatroom where many of us gathered in anticipation
of the unveiling, I went by the name of "leadman". One night a person joined the conversation and started furiously damning the U.S.A. and spewing
some of the most incredible hatred I have ever heard in my life, hands down.
He specifically said, "We're going to use your own planes against you"!
I tried talking to him, but there was no reasoning whatsoever. The dialogue, and his demeanor went from bad to worse. I was so disturbed by his
violent remarks, that I actually tried to copy and paste the conversation, but the text wouldn't copy to a clipboard. (I hadn't learned the alt-insert
Fast forward to 9/10...
I was back east for a birthday party, and boarded a plane for the trip back to Los Angeles where I snapped this photo. I didn't get home until about
As tired as I was, I layed down on the couch with the TV on and quickly fell asleep. When I awoke, I was laying on my right side and wrenched my left
eye open a bit to realise I was staring at the smoking WTC building.
I jumped up, called my dad, and told him to turn on the TV. As we were talking on the phone we watched the second plane hit the other tower. I
cancelled work that day, and sat there glued to all that was happening with a couple friends.
I'll never forget the screams over the phone of my fiance's mom saying, "We thought we lost you!" as she knew I was on a plane into L.A. that day.
I knew the world had forever soured, and told myself we were about to go change the name of a country.
I also saw Tom Brokaw say "Now is the time to be angry", and remember feeling wronged when it didn't even take 20 minutes to introduce the word "but"
into the broadcast.
Just knowing what so many of the survived were about to go through made my heart grieve. It wasn't a weight I could even offer to carry, and my own
emotion was taxed until it hurt.
When I went to the closet and put on the only shirt I thought could honor those fallen, I knew it didn't mean much, but it helped... a little.
I almost didn't post, as the story is as much about myself as it is the day, but it's the only one I have, so no regrets.
another thousand words...
edit on 11-9-2011 by lernmore because: spelling