Need help forgetting an ex

Ahhh, anyone out there can give me advice on how to forget my ex girlfriend? I'm in my 20s and seeking advice from the older generation, I need like a mentor figure on how to move on.

computer games.
funny but true,
use alot of your concetration and take up alot of time, helped me alot.

reply to post by mattrat


I'm a big fan of Diablo III, I'm pissed off its not out yet man =/

reply to post by mattrat


Thanks a lot for the advice by the way, I appreciate it dude.

reply to post by Unvarnished


I'm not part of the older generation but I can tell you that the approach of attempting to forget an ex is close to impossible. You never forget them, especially if you had been with them for a long time. What you can do, however, is let go of the relationship and find new connections. Join a club, sports team, something which improves and expands your social connections. Try to be around friends more during this time, being alone will only bring up more feelings of attachment.

reply to post by Sentience365


I guess that's my problem, learning to let go and not have any emotional attachment, I just want to feel unattached and not have to worry about anything anymore.

Do you have any advice on how to let someone go and eventually just become unattached to them? That would help a lot.

reply to post by Unvarnished


First of all...just know...you won't ever entirely forget her.....as time moves on .....memories of her will be remembered less and less...but every now and then a song, a comment by someone etc. will remind you of her.

If there is anything you have to forgive her for....work on that... and forgive her. Also...get involved in community activities...volunteer at places where you know you can really help with things that you are interested in.....contact your local (United Way) office...they have a lot of volunteer opportunities. Through volunteering you will meet some new and interesting people...who may perhaps become new friends.

reply to post by Unvarnished


Human beings are social creatures and we become attached to each other very quickly creating strong emotional bonds (not that I need to tell you that). The best way to sever one bond is to create another. This serves two purposes: 1. You don't let loneliness eat you up. 2. You gain a new relationship, a substitute for what was lost or for what you're trying to eliminate.

Time is what you're going to need, as much as I'm sure you don't want to hear that right now. Put the building blocks of your new life in place and comfort will follow. There is nothing new under the sun my friend, we've all been through this and you can take comfort in the fact that it WILL get better.

reply to post by caladonea


Thanks a lot Caladonea, I guess you're right I'll never forget her, I just hope time will help me become unattached to her. I guess its wise not to jump into the dating game right away and work on myself right? I just feel like crap and its like a big hurt to my ego that she broke up with me. I refuse to contact her because I'm angry, would that be the right thing to do, cut off all contact?

reply to post by Sentience365


You're absolutely right Sentience, time is my only friend now, she contacted me last since the breakup and I haven't contacted her since and I'm not planning too. It feels like a big blow to my self confidence, I guess that's something I have to work on.

reply to post by caladonea


I feel like if I forgive her I'm just letting my guard down, is that what is stopping me from letting go and finally moving on?

Strip club, LOL totally joking. dont do that! Stop putting your focus on your ex and start thinking about the perfect person for you. no one specific but in general every trait you would love in your companion. see yourself living a happy life with this person. feeling completely fulfilled more then you had ever thought possible and start preparing yourself for such a relationship. learn from this past relationship and jot down things you liked and didnt like about it and think about how your next will be better. Im not sure if it will work for you but its seem to help a little with me..atleast lately. if you do it let me know how it works out for you!

reply to post by Unvarnished


She broke up with you...so it is obvious ...she is moving on. As I stated before....forgive her....if you do...things will be easier mentally and emotionally for you. It will take time. Just because she broke up with you...doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you....I suspect you have many good qualities...it may be that the fault lies with her...she may be a shallow superficial person...and not really worthy of you.

I think taking time for yourself...and being good to yourself...and learning to be your own best friend....loving yourself is most important.

I stand by my earlier suggestion....volunteering....be open to making new friends.....

reply to post by Unvarnished


Once you get passed the initial sh*tty feelings you'll find new confidence. It stems from the fact that you haven't been an autonomous single guy for a while. Once your autonomy is restored you'll wonder how you ever functioned in a relationship. That is...until the next one comes around

Originally posted by Unvarnished
reply to post by caladonea

 

I feel like if I forgive her I'm just letting my guard down, is that what is stopping me from letting go and finally moving on?

Yes...it is. Forgiveness is not letting your guard down....it helps to let go of the past....and move on.

reply to post by caladonea


Yeah, long story short, I'm overseas in medical school and she emailed me saying she lost feelings for me and saying that I was putting much more effort into the relationship than her. I just don't get it. I understand I'm far away but still I don't know how people just lose feelings oversomeone. I just really feel like she is being selfish.

reply to post by Sentience365


I hear ya Sentience, you're definitely right, like my mind is telling me not to take her back, I just feel like after a breakup I could never take someone back because my trust in them is broken. Like for some reason, I don't trust chicks anymore I don't know why.

38y/o here.

If you truly love her, you will never forget her...but you WILL get over her.
The best thing to do is what NOT to do.
Dont call her, dont check her facebook/google+/myspace...NONE OF IT EVER.
Delete her number out of your phone. Not to forget it, but just not to see it.
Work as much as you can and go out with your friends as often as you can.

Dont be alone.
Avoid her. If you see her out...leave. Pay no attention to her, who she is with or what she is doing.

The first couple weeks are the hardest.

Im not sure about how religious you are, but often times sex can help you get over an ex.
Sounds weird, but the feeling of being wanted and desired by someone else builds your confidence tremendously. Especially after a breakup with a loved person. Confidence is shot.
Dont run out and date anyone though. Wait a few weeks to get used to her NOT being there before dating.
When you feel ready...date. Date alot. And spend time with friends. Whether it be playing video games, going to the bar, movie, gatherings, camping....whatever it is that you and your pals do. Stay busy.

It will take time....but dont ever think that there is no one else out there.

One day I'll wake up and it wont hurt anymore. ~Maroon 5

reply to post by concerned24


I definitely tried that, and I guess I was really biased on my list because the good things outnumbered the bad things. I guess I really have to try harder, my brain is like idealizing her and putting her on a pedestal, I just want it to stop because its annoying as heck!

reply to post by Unvarnished


She obviously cannot handle ...the long distance romance/relationship. She sounds very immature to me. She does also sound a bit selfish and I am not saying this next thing to hurt your feelings but...I suspect she is already dating again.

Focus on your studies....make some new friends....move on...