posted on Aug, 31 2011 @ 10:47 PM
so, thoughts, both writerly and otherwise.
i'll try and segregate your words and mine, but stanza by stanza seems like the only way to reply.
In Consequence and Irony
leaving me with the very readerly pre-question, consequence of what and, curiosity as to the juxtaposition of irony and consequence, one seems by its
nature non serious, the other, essentially so.
When we seek to imply,
that we have found undying truth,
then clearly we conspire,
to provide a lie as proof,
when we seek to imply
undying found truth
then clearly we conspire
providing lies as proof.
the 'that' in your line, really fowled up the meter for me reading it aloud. it undersells the rhythm you establish earlier on, and I think may be
totally unnecessary. then again, maybe it is. all a matter of taste and sound.
conspire says lies to me, and it seems a little quick to return to the same image. i'm also curious about the we.
To each his own,
so it's been said,
surely this phrase,
belong's to the dead,
i think this is the beginning of a really great stanza, and that there are maybe four lines missing in-between 'said' and 'surely.'
For one small coin,
cannot be flipped,
to land on luck,
for those unfit,
so far you've had 'we' and 'the dead' and now there's the 'unfit.' none of these three characters are very favorable folk are they? and what
would the coin be, who would be flipping it, why would they?
The spectrum only widens,
to conceal the obscure,
for this is our fate,
the demise of the cure,
you never established that there was a cure. the only thing I can find is in the earlier stanza when you saw 'we offer lies as proof.' then, the our
is the communal reader from the earlier we? then the demise is the end of lying? the end of fake proof? the demise of the cure then, being, the end of
truth? is truth concealed behind a widened spectrum? it's been called a light a lot?
Embrace the destruction,
of even a thought,
for this is our land,
we're all doing it to ourselves, huh?