Show your colors! What is your favorite football team?, page 4

Buffalo Bills Don't Know What The Hell To Do With 2 Wins

BUFFALO, NY—Following their thrilling 38-35 week-two victory over the Oakland Raiders Sunday, the Buffalo Bills expressed confusion over what the hell they were supposed to do with their two wins now that they have them. "I hope we get to keep these, because a lot of the guys really like these wins," said quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, helping teammates build a special shelf in the corner of the locker room where the team intends to keep the wins. "I bet you if we lose this week the league will try to take them away from us, but we're not going to let ’em. We love these wins." As of press time, several players had asked head coach Chan Gailey whether the NFL had a rewards program in which wins could be cashed in for flight upgrades or similar prizes.

The Onion

Some recent draft news.

Wayfron P. Jackson:
6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Texas in the last ten years.
Loves rap music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most "you knows" during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name. Signed with Tennessee .


Quinticious Jenkins:
6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state scoring record out of Triton High School , Dunn , N.C.
Also led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm. Signed with Auburn .


Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell:
6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler , Texas . Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well.
Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red brick." Signed with the University of Houston .

Woodrow Lee Washington:
6' 8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children.
Mother claims Woodrow and child No. 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found innocent because: "The dude said somethin' bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20/20. Signed with the University of Oklahoma .

Willie "Night Train" Smith:
6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old.
Thinks the "N" on Nebraska 's helmets stands for "Nowledge," but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing No. 32 jersey since it matches his score on his SAT's. Signed with the University of Alabama .

Tyrone "Python" Peoples:
6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges.
Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six colleges. Likes wild women and red Cadillac's. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company. Signed with University of Miami .

Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali:
6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester Lee Jones until he discovered religion.
Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville . Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)
Signed with the University of Florida .



Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar alarm.

reply to post by Ceriddwen

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I can't wait till 12:00.....

reply to post by MemoryShock

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3-0. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I doubt anyone saw that coming.

reply to post by StealthyKat

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Hey Kat,
I'm glad your Saints won.. I remember when the Vikings lost to you guys two years ago in that play off game. Very cool. My Vikings team lost, yet again...big sigh.

Originally posted by TheLoony
reply to post by MemoryShock

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3-0. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I doubt anyone saw that coming.

I picked them to win...but damn if they didn't make it close...they are the real deal this year...

Buffalo is 3-0!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah!!!

Takes the sting out of losing a fantasy football game this week...

reply to post by StealthyKat

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I had to work, as usual, on a Sunday. Missed the game, missed the score, saw you say they won, and my day was made! Thanks Kat for the news. Of course, I knew they would win. LOL

reply to post by queenofsheba

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Yeah... I was worried the first half of the game I must admit! But they came back the second half like gangbusters!

reply to post by Ceriddwen

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It was a great game! Don't feel bad, I always miss the night games because I work nights

reply to post by ReadyPower

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As much as I love my Chargers I'm worried about the recent plague of injuries that hit the team. Bob Sanders, out; Nate Kaeding, out; Mike Tolbert out and questionable for this week; Vincent Jackson, limited practice questionable.... If we can't get healthy by our bye week the rest of the season is going to be sketchy at best.

For our division, and trust me this is painful for me to say, the effing Raiders are looking like damn good football team. Keep your eyes on McFadden, that boy can run... he's averaged 10 yard per touch!!! Scary good... especially since we have to play them twice!

Phillip Rivers needs to get his crap together too. He looked lost last Sunday. If it wasn't for Ryan Mathews we would have lost for sure. Win by 3 against the Chiefs???? NOT GOOD.

College Sports--more of the dirt comes to the surface--Lady Vols and Univ. of Tenn. on parade
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The Greatest Sports record ever and the Curses that have made it so...
  Posted 19 days ago with 1 member flags

It\'s All About The Letter...
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