I think it's time for a little Bill Hicks and his view on the 'Republican guard'
This is from the first Gulf war (he's dead now
The Persian Gulf Distraction
"I'm so sick of arming the world, then sending troops over to destroy the #ing arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries,
then we go and blow the # out of them. We're like the bullies of the world, y'know. We're like Jack Palance in the movie Shane, throwing the pistol
at the sheepherder's feet.
"Pick it up."
"I don't wanna pick it up, Mister, you'll shoot me."
"Pick up the gun."
"Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know
what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister."
"Pick up the gun."
(He picks it up. Three shots ring out.)
"You all saw him - he had a gun."
Gosh, since I was here, we had a war, that's pretty #ing weird, huh? A war? Wasn't really a war, you know, a war is when two armies are fighting,
so, I don't know if you could call it a war, exactly, you know. The Persian Gulf Distraction, is more like it, I think.
Pretty amazing thing, really. Bush turned out to be a major #ing demon, who woulda guessed? Remember when he was first president, he was the "Wimp
President," do you remember that? Cover of Newsweek, cover of #ing Newsweek, "WIMP PRESIDENT." Apparently, this stuck in this guy's craw a little
bit. That guy was a dynamite waiting to go off.
(Iraqi voice) We surrendah!
(George Bush voice) Not good enough.
(Iraqi voice) We run away!
(George Bush voice) Too little, too late! Call me a wimp, c'mon, #ers, c'mon! Hold him back!
Those guys were in hog heaven over there, man. They had a big weapons catalogue opened up.
What's G-12 do, Tommy?
See, it says here it destroys everything but the fillings in their teeth, helps us pay for the war effort.
Well, #, pull that one up!
Pull up G-12, please.
Cool, what's G-13 do?
Big Sears weapons catalogue. 'Weapons, for all occasions!' You know.
See, everyone got boners over the technology, and it was pretty incredible. Watching missiles fly down air vents, pretty unbelievable. But couldn't
we feasibly use that same technology to shoot food at hungry people? Know what I mean? Fly over Ethiopia, "There's a guy that needs a banana!"
SHOOP. The Stealth Banana. Smart fruit! I don't know. Once again, I was watching the #ing news, and it really threw me off. It depressed everyone,
it's so scary watching the news, how they built it all out of proportion, like Iraq was ever, or could ever possibly, under any stretch of the
imagination be a threat to us-wwwwhatsoever.
But watching the news, you never would have got that idea. Remember how it started, they kept talking about 'the Elite Republican Guard' in these
hushed tones like these guys were the bogeymen or something. Yeah, we're doing well now, but we have yet to face-THE ELITE REPUBLICAN GUARD. Like
these guys were twelve feet tall, desert warriors. KRRASH. NEVER LOST A BATTLE! KRRASH. WE # BULLETS! Yeah, well, after two months of continuous
carpet bombings and not one reaction at all from them, they became simply, 'the Republican Guard.' Not nearly as elite as we may have led you to
believe. And after another month of bombing, they went from 'the Elite Republican Guard' to 'the Republican Guard' to 'the Republicans made this
# up about there being guards out there'. We hope you enjoyed your fireworks show. It was so pretty, and it took our mind off of domestic issues! The
Persian Gulf distraction.
God, I love that guy.
[Edited on 4-4-2003 by kegs]