To bring another human being to this awful world..

reply to post by Night Star


Thank you so much for your response! Wonderful! Thank you so much! I am beginning to feel more and more secure!

Originally posted by KingLeoric
If you have more then one don't pick a favorite. That is the worst thing you can do to a household of multiple children. If you choose one out of 3 the other 2 will be so messed up from it they may hate you for life. Or feel like they will never be good enough. It will psychologically mess with them.

The favorite would eventually let you down anyway. Why the other 2 would be trying to impress you. And you'd never get to fully bond with the others. So their good deeds would always go without the full attention they'd deserve from you.

Beyond that children are delicate creatures they all take and individualistic approach to raising. Some kids don't need alot of punishment while others need a little more. Some kids need more love then others. You get the idea.

Sit back may attention to them and they will tell you how's best to raise them. Not saying let them run the household. I'm saying their actions,words,who they are will tell you the best way to approach them.

You got to psychologically figure them out early. Once you do that you will learn to be the best parent in the world in their eyes.

I'm no parent would love to be one day! But I can tell you from the so called "raising" I got that I know exactly what (NOT) to do.

The main important thing is listen. And be supportive. Children don't like to feel like their not part of conversation or group. Once you cut them out they may one day cut you out. Dysfunction is no way to go.

If you and your partner don't stay together. MAKE SURE you don't let them have a pos step parent. It'll do nothing but cause misery in everyone involved.

My mom has had four children with three different guys, the worst mistake my dad did was to favorize my youngest sister. Today - my dad and my little sister lives together, being junkies, a nd he has ruined her life. Just for the sake of being protective in that way that he ruined her life, and i cant do anything about it. He brainwashed his child to be with him, because of his own desires. Isn't that awful? My child, is going to have the best . I want my child to be born into a.. not utopia, but.. i want my child to believe or at least fight for utopia...is that wrong of me?

reply to post by creatureme


People are going to be people. We must never forget children are people to. We can direct them in the right paths. We can show them and tell them all the things we expect. But at the end of the day they are going to be who they are. And because they are who they are they will do what they will do.

We can sit back and say we want this and want that for our kids. But until they're raised and all that we don't know. All we can do is do the best we can as parents. They have to take it from there and do with it what they will.

And we have to be able to support them no matter what. Do the best you can on your end and you may get rewarded. Just never give up on hope and love!

Originally posted by creatureme
its wonderful! I am 25, and i am afraid.

...normal enough... i was 25 when i had my last... she's a bit older than you... i didnt want her to be my last but sometimes we dont get a choice...

Originally posted by creatureme
the world is already overpopulated.

...thats just a myth, imo...

Originally posted by creatureme
Am i being selfish? I am setting a new life to this earth, and I do feel selfish.

...i dont think you're being selfish... why do you feel that you are?... is it a humanitarian thing?... or just a moment of normal insecurity about the future?...

Originally posted by creatureme
I could easily think that this life might turn out to be a good one. A soldier for the Greater Good. But I also think, what if its not?

...you'll love em anyways... we cant all birth einsteins or knopflers and if we did, then, the einsteins and knopflers of the world wouldnt be special...

Originally posted by creatureme
I am now enjoying my last hours of consuming red wine.

...during the 70s, when i was perpetually pregnant (or so it seems now, lol), doctors approved of one glass of red wine per day in a normal size wine glass (not a giant beer stein) and not cheap junk like thunderbird wine or strawberry hills... its supposed to be good for your blood, helps ward off anemia...

Originally posted by creatureme
Sorry for being all philosophical in my last days as an individual without child.

I just finished my education as a photographer and obviously i am not going to pursuit my dream anytime soon. What do you think?

...awww... why do you think that?... kids enhance your life, sweetheart... you dont have to give up your dreams or postpone them to be a wonderful parent... imo, giving up your dreams greatly increases the odds that you'll develop martyr syndrome and resent your child and maybe their father too...

...i took my kids everywhere i went (even work sometimes) - huge outdoor concerts, honkytonks, motorcycle trips, fancy restaurants, lectures at the local university, political rallies, etc...

Originally posted by creatureme
Do you have kids? Whats it like?

...yep, got grandkids too... whats it like?... well, gosh - sometimes when looking back on my younger days, i'm in awe of how effortless and fun it was but i think thats a mom thang, like forgetting the agony of childbirth real fast cuz that new baby is just so amazing...

...teenagers are totally different story... i had easy ones and one really trying one who made me very thankful that she was the last, lol... about a decade ago, a very good friend suggested i go live with him and we could work on "whatever" and i considered it for, maybe, three seconds - because - he had a teenage daughter and there aint enough sugar or money in the world to make me do that again...

...hope for boys - they're easier to raise...

Originally posted by creatureme
Did you have any dreams you were pursuing at the time you find out you were going to have kids?

...gosh, yeah - lotsa lotsa... some i attained, some not but not because i was a mother... some were simply impossible and some were unattainable because i had an unrealistic view...

Originally posted by creatureme
I don't believe in massive destruction anytime soon, but I can feel something is going on. And that's why I am afraid.

...its common and absolutely normal to be apprehensive when you're pregnant for the first time cuz your life is going to change and you're going to change, physically and emotionally... even when i look back on my worst days of child-rearing, its all good in that it sure beats the alternative...

Originally posted by creatureme
I am also very focused to eat healthy while pregnant, do yoga (A LOT) and do stuff like play classical music and so on, for my unborn child so that it might evolve to be a more spiritual being with a more intuitive sense then I have been myself, after i entered adulthood. I do not want to create a super child, don't get me wrong please, I just want it to be born with a more deeper perspective than I did

...i sang to mine, told em stories, talked to em as if they could understand me and i didnt change that after they were born... never baby-talked unless they were sick or scared and needed to be coddled... as for whether or not we can actually influence our baby's intellect or personality during gestation - well, thats debateable... mine turned out perfect - even that one pain in the ass thats WAY too much like me - and, of course, i take all the credit (jk), lol...

Originally posted by creatureme
and I will do my best to listen to my child more than my parents ever bothered to listen to me. I might have just been a more intuitive person if my parents just would have let me be when i was a child..

...maybe... or maybe you are who you are today because of (or in spite of) how they raised you... my child rearing methods were totally different than my mother's or my mother-in-law's... they didnt breast feed and they believed if you pick up your infant when it cries, you're spoiling it... i think thats crazy mean... best advice i got as a new mother was "trust yourself"...

Originally posted by creatureme
(sorry for language, i am from Norway)

...your english is flawless...

reply to post by creatureme

Being alone, although it can be tough on some people, can be spiritual in and of itself. I was alone most my childhood with parents such as yours. I dealt with it and grew with it.

But the children need good parents that will hug them and love them, not just when they are good, but also when they are bad. May sound like a sissy but I love my kids and it reflects on them as well.

I'm 33, married for a while now, and no kids by choice.

I do have 4 nieces and a nephew. 3 girls and a boy belong to my little brother. We had a pretty close knit family unit, we all lived within a block from each other including my parents. But about 2 weeks ago, my brother moved his family a good 6 hours away.

He and my dad are my closest confidants. I wasn't prepared for the gaping void that them moving away would leave. I knew I loved his kids, but I didn't realize how much until they
were all gone.

I once believed that it was wrong to bring kids into this mess, maybe a piece of me still does, but I am only now starting to realize how much they bring to our lives.

Best wishes in your venture. I really believe the benefit outweighs the sacrifice.

reply to post by Wyn Hawks


I had to go to bed last night, I drank waaaay too much red wine. Never strawberry hills for me, only the good stuff Thank you so much for your reply, I was a bit worried I overdid my posts yesterday, just woke up, haha This helped me a lot, how many children do you have if I may ask? The thing is, I kind of feel like I haven't grown up yet my self. I don't feel like a grown up, is that weird of me? Well, plenty of weird is happening in my mind at the moment, but guess its pretty normal. Thanks again for an awesome reply!

reply to post by creatureme


The way you're talking, I think you'll do great and give it the best start and upbringing possible.

I'm a bit young for kids, still at uni etc, but I'd love to have some someday. I grew up an only child and so would like a bigger family than I had myself, and always have done really.

I don't think it's selfish to want a child at all, it's natural, it shows your love for your partner and to be honest, the amount of stuff you give up while pregnant and with kids is pretty selfless anyway.

Good luck, and I hope everything goes to plan for you

Perhaps you could ameliorate your concern about bringing a child into such a difficult world by giving a home to a child in said difficult world, made more difficult by having nobody to call their family. Just a thought - not preaching!

Whatever your decision, your child will certainly have the gift of parents who have sincerely dug deep and asked themselves the hard questions. They're usually the best parents to have, so have faith in yourself because you've already proven how seriously you consider this decision. Selfless consideration of another is the highest form of love!

New life is what makes this chaos worth living..

How dare you spread lies that this is an awful world. This is a world filled with love, with amazing creatures being born every second. Why cast aside all the wonders that occur and all the beauty that abounds because someone told you this was an awful world? Be fruitful, multiply..

reply to post by creatureme


My girlfriend and I have decided not have kids. I'm 34 times around the sun, she has been around 31 times. We just feel unless your wealthy you are just going to subject someone to a life of being a wage slave. I know maybe they will do something they love or become an awesome musician or something....but underneath everything is someone co-opted, manipulated, never at a full potential of true human freedom. Its amazing how we are on this beautiful planet but reduced/introduced to a money system, an impersonal world. I wish the world was something like the Venus Project. In todays version I would be more frustrated than happy, I would be in constant battle to protect my child from so many things that are false; junkfood, bullies, material nonsense, etc....

I live in NY, I often want to move to a place I visit....Maui, I would maybe bring a child into the world if I moved there...a place where the power of nature is at the forefront.

hey ther. my wife is pregnant (fist time) and we are ecstatic! before i never wanted one, but now i would not have it any other way!
evry night i talk to our little baby in her belly and say how beautiful its mother is and that we are very excited to meet our little baby oh and i tell the baby how much i love himher.

CONGRATULATIONS, your gona be a happy pretty glowing mother oh and telltale the dady i said congrats!
-jplaysguitar

Originally posted by earthdude
How dare you spread lies that this is an awful world. This is a world filled with love, with amazing creatures being born every second. Why cast aside all the wonders that occur and all the beauty that abounds because someone told you this was an awful world? Be fruitful, multiply..

Nobody needs to tell me how awful this place is, this is something I am observing everyday, I know this place is also filled with many wonderful and magic things, like children for instance I have had my moments where I wished I'd never was born at all. Because I see how we mess up the planet all the time. I just think that if Earth was like utopia and everybody cared for each other and produced more love than negativity, it would have been a hundred thousand times more wonderful to give birth. To create life in a completely healthy environment. Im just saying..

reply to post by jplaysguitar


Wonderful, congrats yourself! I will tell him congrats from you, and pls do the same thing for me to your wife! I am not pregnant yet tho, and its funny because I chose to tell ats about this before my family. Its the biggest secret I have ever had up to this point in life, mohahahaha!

reply to post by FrequencyDecoder


I feel ya brother! And congrats! This is exactly what I am trying to convey, I am also thinking about all the false things I have to try and protect my child from, and its going to be a hard fight. And at the same time not being overprotective and so on. I am furious at my own parents for not teach me these things/or not being informed enough themselves, its not their fault, but gawd.. There was a time it was considered a healthy thing to drink Lysol.. I feel its the same thing today, only more complicated and harder to figure out..

One of our dreams is to move outside the city we live in. The nature is so beautiful and overwhelming there, I almost can't wait for it. I do not want to live in a city when I raise my child. Nature is one of the few things I dare to trust 100% these days..

Originally posted by billy197300
reply to post by creatureme

 

I have a beautiful 8 yr old daughter. Children are wonderful. The only thing that bothers me about what you said is that you have given up on your dream to be a photographer. That will eventually lead to having regrets. You need to live life and accomplish your dreams before having a child, because after you do life isn't about what you want or dream of anymore. It's all about the child and being a parent after that. Don't get me wrong, being a father is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened in my life but I lived my life before I had a kid.

Have no regrets, life is an endless trail of possabilaties. Peace

I have 2 children. They make me fight to create a better world for them.

OP, good luck and God bless. It is the best thing that can happen to a person. My wife and I tried to imagine how our lives would be without our sons, and the answer was empty, dry, humourless and dark.

Just remember everything happens for a reason Procreation is a part of life and you sound ready to take this step!!

I have two children and they are my everything. It isn't easy, but anything worth having rarely is!! Children give you a strength you never knew you had, give life more meaning and your only wish is to protect them and prepare them for the world...whatever that may be.

Everything you do, every decision you make, will be in their best interests. You can still be your own person and they give you the incentive to be the best you can be

Look back at this thread once you have held your baby in your arms and I bet you find your own positive for every word you have written!! Being a parent changes you and for many, doubt or worry is brushed to one side and replaced with a determination to make better whatever is in your way.

I don't doubt you for one minute, you will be a great Mum!! My only advice would be to not forget about YOU, if you need time out, sleep, a blow out...have it, as a tired, unhappy Mum is not a good Mum!!

Good luck, have fun and early congratulations!!!

Originally posted by creatureme
If I could choose my parents it would.

You did, we all choose to be here for some reason or another.. That is how we got here..

Now about the OP..

I feel the same way as you, My wife wanted to have a child with me before we turned a certain age.. When she told me this I wasnt quite sure how I wanted to go about it because of how everything is messed up right now.. lack of love, compassion, and empathy towards others makes me wonder why tf I am here sometimes. But to bring another life into this game is something I wouldnt call fun..

But, I have thought about it.. The world out there is screwed up, we can teach this kid the things that are lacking in this world that way when she(I am almost sure..) grows up she will show others and her children the same thing.. Kinda like the roach effect ya know? From our 1 kid then maybe her 2 kids, then those have 4 kids and then 8 to 16 to 32 and so on.. You get where I am going with this?