Contents of an east coast earth quake kit

2 Valium pills to get over the shock of having survived such a massive earth quake lol

one get out of laughable youtube video where you scream like a little girl card

one change of underpants after you soiled yourself

one $50 gift card to replace the china set you got at walmart

one plastic chair that tipped over out side on your patio

one prepaid cell phone with 500 minutes on it so you can call your family and all of you can have a good cry

one friend who tells people that the earthquakes are much worse out on the east coast because of the bedrock lol

one paper bag you can hyperventilate into

one photo of Haitian and Japaneses people giving you the finger