Originally posted by AussieAmandaC
I don't have migraines any more either (and I've had them since a little girl), perhaps you are still in the process of choosing what you want to
Blessings of peace and love to you sister
Despite appearances at times, I've been awake for quite some time. I was born much as I am now, conscious, seeing, aware and awake and only periods of
maturation of what is, have altered that. This most recent time being only the latest in several 'growth spurts' I've enjoyed or endured through and
the first of them to be so non consentual - basically, the first one to be abusive to the privacy of my being.
Regardless of what has been done to me and to my body, I am very aware that I am what I was meant to be, right here and right now and that more, I
know that knowing that, is very important. I dont feel any need to choose any other 'me' . I am me. I am who and what God intended me to be and
they/perps or those who would prosthelytize for one spiritual view or another, cant change that and havent.
I already know that I am not the one who has the problem that needs fixing in this situation..not the one who has to overcome or go for healing..I am
not the sick one, I am not the criminal. I am just one of millions of unfortunate recipients of the terrible consequences of someone elses unfixed
problem, unchecked sickness, unresolved pain and criminal behavoiur - which are problems I as one of their victims, cannot help them with and will not
condone by proxy via silence and sacrificial lamb syndrome.
Yes I was injured..greatly so by whta has happened to me though I have found healing from my injuries in my own way..and that is an entirely different
matter to the healing I speak of above.
As far as I know..its not gods/spirits/the divines will that men rape children, and while I choose not to self imolate on their doorstep or seek to
murder them in despair and nor do I allow the pain of experiencing them power to control my choices, that doesnt mean I am forced to embrace them or
to love them.
I reject these crimes as a result of disease and a primary vector of disease not a part of human nature...not as bedfellows.
While yes I can agree that we humans are connected 'through the chair' in the universe..we are formed as distinct individuals who have made distinct
choices and so are unique expressions of life and accountable individually for our own choices. " The devil made me do it' just doesnt cut it...these
criminals chose their path and I dont believe I am them or ever will be. I also dont hold to 'oneness' theories and fears as I have been there..done
that and have already long stepped out from the invitation to inaction and 'bliss' those peach clouds tempted me with, to be here today as I am
I also have already let go a great deal of my personal anger, I had to in order to heal my injuries and to save my own life and that of my children. I
have stayed or rather was pushed for a time into productive nurturing inner and outer environs and in that time, allowed as much forgiveness as I and
the divine and I in tandem were able to accomplish in my life.
The anger that remains, is tied to me yes, it is also non local. What good my healing if others remain in suffering? How can I enjoy a guilt free
bliss while kids get raped every day? I am compelled by teh spirit that is to actions not words.
Far from some noble personal righteousness..I am acutely aware this deep anger exists within the song of planet itself in every vibration every
chord...through every cry of an unheard raped and beaten child.
It is a primal wound not of my own making being constantly torn open to BE felt...and if this anger is there..then it is..perhaps for a reason, I dont
know. I do know I am impelled regardless of what I think, to accept its presence as much as any other emotion or presence in my life. To learn and
honour its role in life.
A lack of acceptance of just that, basically a wishful active denial of its presence, didnt 'help' me...wont help another child being raped right now
here today. This, this present moment is where I live and act, not 'wait to live' or rely on the actions of others in some other place eventually.
This now is where my choices and actions matter. Silence and inaction ..harms...more it condones and is an inaction taken against the child.
I cant do 'get rid of it' spiritual politics...anger fear hate etc are as much a part of life as joy peace and love...I dont fear them I accept them.
They dont choose for me. I already am well aware that light and dark on this sphere are one and the same whole. I dont choose to enage with or in
either of them lightly.
I already know man doesnt descerate himself more when he does evil as much as when he tries to do 'gods work'. So I am nor trying to be god or do gods
work in making a stand for chidren and ensuring our survivor presence is felt.
I am not like you in my capacity or willingness to love those responsible for these crimes against life and while I can be empathetic, I am certainly
NOT sympathetic and nor do I wish to be. The sickness of paedophillia continues on this world because we allow it to..no other reason.
The paradox of the love being given by well intentioned people to perpetators is not helping it to stop, it is empowering them to go on to use this
silence as justitifcation to continue to avoid their own confrontation with justice. I dont enable this deciet today. Paedophiles themselves see the
act of rape as an act of love..this tells me that love is not a solution to this issue..only a direct invitation to its continuance.
I cant/wont, as I know it hurts the perp and the victim both to deny accountability for this crimes here and now. It delays resolution and only adds
to the burden overall of despair and anger. This awareness is enough for me to back away from that ultimately self serving pattern.
I know I am not god, however, in expecting our silence, our goodness, our love, expecting sacrifical lamb like reactions from us, these criminals and
those who are stilll fearing and supporting them in ignorance, are essentially demanding that we act as if we were Christ himself. I say no to that
demand in my life. I am just me, and I will not hand these people through silence or acts of twisted fear or twisted spiritual logic, a fresh bullet
to load again the gun that will be used to shoot me or another child today in order to feel 'better' or ' more comfortable' - spiritually or
Why not bring about an increase in justice in the lives of paedophiles as we do for murders etc...with courts and sentences, restorative justice
programs etc...What is wrong with that? Why should childhood sexual assault be 'special' - why should assault by clergy come under a 'different'
banner? Are they not as human as you and me? Men and women who have committed crimes? Why are they given this special sanction from you? Their actions
proove they are not holy people..so why shield them and the so condone crimes undertaking by them in 'gods name'?
IMO, if you truly want to love these people who commit these crimes..love as the human you are loves not the little gods some wish we were might wish
to...then you'd not be denying them the healing power of justice inhte presentmoment, the relief of facing what they did and of making amends before
You'd not send them or their victims on to their makers still wounded, or fear giving victims the chance to be heard, to feel ANGRY and find they are
validated and supported instead of whats happening now - 97% of all inmates in prisons here in Oz are CSA survivors, 86% of all psych inpatient are
How much longer do victims have to be the ones to bear the shame andbe balmed when they are blameless? They ought not to for a m,oment yet most spend
lives in just sucha state thanks to social silence and fear.
How long do these children have to suffer and accept punishment for anothers crimes in our society while perps go socially supported and walk the
planet right now, essentially having their due sequestered in some other realm some other day? What if it were a thief or a rapist? These men are in
sitting in prisons now..why are child abusers any different?
In denying justice here and now, in seperating paedophiles from natural restorative justice here and now, you only prolong the suffering both sides. "
Good intentions" and wishful spiritual thinking dont heal people...dont help people. Good actions do.
I was given a brain and reason, intuitive self defence mechanisms to be employed in the absence of clear right action, for a reason. So I dont ( yet )
go doing a Boudecea on their asses despite a desire to do so. Just as I know today my mirganes are due to a wider nerve bundle in my cortext and
electromagnetic sensitivity..nothing else....they are not spiritual or emotional and dont disturb me as much as before.
I am though, also not some wounded bird waiting to be reborn. If ever I DO chose to act in and on my primal primacy, I would, in faith but not for it
and I'd do so knowing I would stand solely accountable for those actions, alone.
ymmv and I thank you for your thoughts...I do see what you mean, I just dont see things that way.
edit on 9-4-2012 by Rosha because: (no reason given)