Thank you for that info Rustami. I've been recntly examining just those things.
It's still a bit of a jumble for me. I find myself rushing off in one direction only to claw back to center and feel something akin to unwilling
feelings arising. I had decided to not wrangle and drive myself nuts with it and just accept it all...so much for that :/ Seems the bug to know has
bitten me again.
Its so hard not to judge things..to just be still and allow...to retain an open mind. Too easy to jump to conclusions.
Ive witheld a lot as I've felt it only related to me and is too weird..but having outed myself as a weirdo already I may as well let some of the rest
go too. So I wil...and all that's left will be stuff I wont ever share..private.
Again I feel a need to ask, given the obvious religous symbolism, for anyone reading to please try to keep an open mind. While I most certainly
consider myself a godfearing woman, I am most certainly not a conventionally "religous person.
Anyway...here are the stranger of the strange....and G*ds will not mine be done!
From my log.2004/5
-- I saw myself in a room of darkness. Above me to my right, a white 'doorway'. Not a door, a doorway. I "remembered" the phrase ' a door no man can
shut'. I couldnt move towards it. "So much to do first".
--- I saw a statue of the catholic maddonna..definately a statue and I recognised it as such. I remember saying to myself 'I dont bow to statues'.
-- I saw a scroll like an old fashioned scroll with names on it. A olive and yellow glow.
I saw a pen, black and slim, it was writing my name beneath my parents names. None of my other sisters' names were there. I dont know what force was
writing my name. There was no visible hand.
--I saw myself as a luminous body standing upright, several 'me's on top of one another some 'me's' trying to make me sit down. These voices from
below kept asking and demanding to know ' why are you standing there!' and I yelled downwards I dont know!! I just knew I had to. I really _really_
had to just stand there.
--- I arrived in a place it was dark all around me. I felt as if I were trapped or embeded in stone and began yelling " No!" I then saw an image of
the Mother..full regalia..red and blue, she was suspended in the air, not a statue...she was backlit by stars. The colurs were sharp and looked
'metalic' in colour..her clothes flailing in the wind. I remembered the words ' their statue began to speak'. I remained silent. I was thinking to
myself, "I will not be anyones voice or the voice of moulded stone idols fashioned by men" and then suddenly verbalised in angry voice "God directs
me not men..God directs men, not me." A definate feelng of digust, *defiance*. The vision ended.
- I saw myself beside a throne/chair and immediately was afraid and shut my eyes squeezing them tight. I felt a pressure to sit on the throne/chair
was on me from the person beside me. I would not take "His" seat. I was adamant I wouldnt and the pressure eventually gave way. I have been haunted
by this experience, the choice and why I made it.
- I was seated at my dining table, I was alone inmy house yet everything got misty and suddenly M was kneeling on front of me on my right. He was
speaking to me but I was not the one he was speaking to. I heard myself say to him " let them come". I touched his face and then passed out.
- I heard a voice in my head, clear and calm, male. It said to me " I can give you the key to the labyrynth". Weird. Nothing since..I simply replied'
no thanks, and heard " trust God" spoken worldlessly within me.. Nothing about the first voice led me to feel it was God. I remebered not long after
this the phrase "what good the whole world if you loose your soul". (All these 'timely' things I kept remembering..yet Id never read them before or
heard them before. It wasnt until 206 I studied any theology at all)
Friday, October 29, 2005
- I felt myself rise into the sky. From the greyness I saw an arm, reaching from the clouds, it was white, though around it was a pale green shimmer,
it was a human arm dressed in a white robe with long sleeves, it had several square gemstones on its sleave. A red one..a green one, a blue one. Ruby
Emerald and Saphire...I assume. A human hand.
In its hand was a wooden bowl. I felt the child within myself rouse as if from a sleep, it/the child 'squinted' turning away within me and I heard
it/the child say in a miffled voice " This isnt Jesus" this was followed soon after by my own voice, " it can only be me"...as in, 'only I can take or
only I deserve this pouring out'...I saw myself lying on my bed beneath the clouds. I knew the bowl was turned on me. A part of me still feels I was
suposed to tell a rabi and and a priest about this vision. I couldnt..for one, I didnt know who to tell and two, the intervention of others stopped me
from delivering the 'news'. I make no judgement if this was a good or bad thing. Somehow this relates to the world outer, not just self.
( cont below)
edit on 1-9-2011 by Rosha because: (no reason given)