Ok guys before I go again the latest @sonion Report....
Breaking News: The Open Paradox is clearly explained by a straight talking Professor
While a lot of confusion surrounds the closed nature of the Open site, one Professor of Cyrptogymnasticology has come forward with a clear
"It's so simple!" exclaimed Professor Bud H.A. Trance. "Let me spell it out for you... When we come to the realization that we are [@ans], and
activate our fpiny, the palm of our hand will catch on fire. We will then start singing a Beatles song, thinking it's a camp fire, and at that point
the veil will be lifted in a Pi clockwise motion. A cat will appear and clouds in the sky will draw the symbol .[....]. In the glimpse of a right eye,
we will feel safe. Now, that wasn't that hard, was it?"
Interested citizen, Gee Rower, who is currently doing a PHD on "The Importance of finding the right Beatles song to explain and deconstruct the
social paradigm of homo non-sapians"
sighed in relief:
"Duh, so easy...why didn't I SEE it?" she said. "So, now I just need to watch for the 'sign'? Or is it the 'realization'? Or just the palm flame?
Wait...the cloud? Was I supposed to set my alarm clock, cause, ummm, I'm sorry, I forgot to. Oh, bother! I'm sorry I was such a dense pupil. Maybe if
I get some blue skin it'll help my fpiny immensely!"
Professor Trance nods wisely. "You see," she clarifies further, "the reason why your fpiny hasn't been activated yet, is because you have been
focusing on the material, so you have been missing the point entirely."
The Professor was also at pains to point out that all anyone has to do is locate a Middle Town church with the flying saucers above it and sit there
calmly with closed eyes. Then just go within, and the realization will come. She also warns that the exercise must be undertaken on a Monday. She
says: "Make sure that the palm of your hand lights up on a Monday, otherwise the effect will be too powerful and you self-combust into thin air."
"There is nothing at all to worry about here", according to Professor Trance. "Other than a box with a cyanide bottle about to break, there is
absolutely nothing to worry about at all."
Tnt Ar Heel, Pâtissier and concerned citizen was not so convinced: "The problem is I have to bake a cake and so I will need to open the box to get my
ingredients. The cyanide is a slight concern and Health and Safety will not be happy if there are cat hairs in my cake!"
The Professor smiled knowingly. "The trick here is to eat the cake before you bake it. Then you have nothing to worry about."
Ms Ar Heel smiled happily at this and said joyfully: "It's clear as mud now and so while it's not baking I'll do some extra research on manual 9."
Meanwhile the residents of Occupy the Furniture sent a message to say that they were not at this stage prepared to come out from behind the sofa,
because in their view the box was and wasn't still there and they had no wish to experience and not experience being poisoned by cyanide at this point
in time. However they agreed to continue to discuss Beatles songs and agreed that Gee Rower could mediate from behind the chair. They collectively
feel that if they hit upon the right song then they may emerge and march as one to the Middle town church, where they will share an acapella version
of the chosen song with the aliens.
"The long and the short of it", explains the Professor, "is that it all comes out at 42. I'm not worried about the Occupy the Furniture group. There
will always be slow adapters and as long as they march on a Monday then it is unlikely that they will come to any harm. There have been too few
instances of total self-combustion to date to rate them with any statistical significance."
Professor Bud H.A. Trance will be speaking at the Forum on Clear and Open Speech in California this Monday. To read Professor Trance's full paper on
the Open Paradox you can go to her website.*
*Please note that access to the site is restricted to people who are experienced levitators and who can prove that they are both members of a
Secret Society and are currently in deep cover in a clandestine highly classified operation.
edit on 31-10-2011 by Mara5683 because: