posted on Sep, 2 2011 @ 10:55 PM
New time poster and long time lurker. I didn't ever think I would be able to catch up so that I could finally post. Whew ... that was all quite
enlightening until all the fighting erupted. Almost made me want to throw the towel in because I was getting distracted and could not get centered
enough to want to continue. I lurk here and a few other boards but have never joined any of them - I have my reasons. But something about this
thread spoke to me in a way that none ever have. I probally won't have much to offer in the way of ciphering clues but I do want to share a few
things I have encountered along this journey we life.
Before I begin - I ask that you excuse my lack of commas and other common mistakes I make. I get excited and forget grammer rules.
I am for a brief moment going to mention religion and then move on - so please don't bash me. I knew as a child that I was different in some way. I
never felt like I belonged anywhere in this world or felt much love. I was made to go to church every Sunday and every other day that something was
going on there. I knew something wasn't right about the way that people conducted themselves and I always felt emptier by the time I was allowed to
there. I could not wait to turn 18 so I would be free of this place and could make my own decisions. Finally that time arrived. I was bouncing
outside myself - so to speak. I WAS FREE!!!!!! I still felt empty and searched a long long time within religion to find my home. That time never
came. Along the way I got married and had a daughter. She is and always will be the light of my life. Not sure if I could have survived this life
I was so dead set against religion and all the pain that I felt from it - because I had always felt I had been lied to. I was dead set on going down a
different path. This I did. I was partying, doing drugs, getting tattoos and much more. Then one day something happened to me that almost destroyed
my life all together. I lost custody of the most precious thing I held dear to my heart in this world - my daughter. I truly wanted to die. Not
sure how I survived it but I did. I fought like a mother lion would - I imagine - if she had lost her cub. But to no avail did I succeed. No matter
what hoop I jumped through - it was never good enough.
I think I went through this test to show me patience - after all it was never my strong suit. But I also believe that my daughter and I had a purpose
in this life that - not sure as yet to what that is but I am sure it will find me one day. I have a Native American heritage and so does my daughter.
I have always been in sync with nature and have always felt one with it. My daughter is the same way. I sometimes have feelings that something is
going to happen to her - most times when I bring up this feeling to her - she is in cohoots with one of her friends to do something that is not really
that safe. I also have very lucid dreams - that shake me to the core. Some I can remember and some I can't.
I remember one very vivid dream that I experienced not too long ago involving my daughter that I awoke from at 4:44 a.m. - never will forget the time
- I had been seeing that number a lot at that time - and right now that makes me wonder was that a sign of what was to come? - anyway I had a dream
that I had seen my daughter in a car with a strange man that I didn't recognize. I followed them because I had this feeling in the dream. When I
caught up with them the driver had went into a dark alley. When I got to the car the driver was gone and my daughter lay there dead. I went to touch
her and immediately woke up in tears and sweats. I got on the phone to call her and tell her what I had seen. And told her no matter what for the
next few weeks to not get into a car with anyone she didn't know. She then filled me in - that the boy she is dating wanted her to sign up as escort
because they were needing money - and she had signed up that night. My heart fell and I knew this is why I had dreamed that. Needless to say I made
her promise not to do that. If she needed money I would help her.
So with that being said - recently I have been researching to seek the truth of what I am. I have read many different books and websites that
resonate within me and I will go into more detail in a later post. I would like to thank each and every one of you for this thread. It has helped me
in my journey and I am so thankful this thread and all of you were put in my path. I feel the love, peace and light when I here. I have plans of
doing the manual with a friend of mine day after tomorrow. She is excited as I have been telling her about some things I have read. We are very
close and she is seeking truth as I am. Feels so good to find like minded people even if they are behind a screen.
Again thank you ALL!!!