Can a mother have her name removed from her adult child's birth certificate?

reply to post by lbndhr


So where's the dad in the picture, or has that been covered? How's things with the dad? I would hardly be surprised if it was poor.

Originally posted by Turq1
reply to post by lbndhr

 

So where's the dad in the picture, or has that been covered? How's things with the dad? I would hardly be surprised if it was poor.

edit on 20-8-2011 by Turq1 because: (no reason given)

Well he dont hate his dad, his dads wife dont like any of his children so, she dont like this one either. He is in his dads life whenever she allows it. O this wife his dad has is number 3 sense me.

Essentially No you cannot remove your name as you were the co-signing witness that "registered" your child as chattel property of the state.

How do you know he actually raped someone? Were you there? If he wasn't brought up on charges, then how do you know for sure?

I was a manager of a mental health organization who only provided care for the severely and chronically mentally ill. These people had no chance at living a normal life. Our objective was to keep them from trying to kill themselves or doing harm to other people. Even if your son has an (undiagnosed) mental disorder, this doesn't make him so evil that you wish he was dead.

What you described hasn't been so "God awful" to disown him or wish him harm. I wonder what he would say about you? Having a mother who hates you like you do, probably screwed him up more than anything. Think about it, not sure how your relationship is with your mother, but if you had a mother who would rather you be dead, that is serious abuse on your end. Were you the type of mother to tell him of all his faults and how he "couldn't do anything right"? Why on Earth would you post (what you claim) to be a legal question on a forum like this? By you doing this, it only proves you are the sick one, not your son. There are legal forums you could posted the question. Too bad you didn't give him up for adoption as he might have had a chance at turning out better.

reply to post by lbndhr

I wish i had an abortion when I found out I was pregnant. I wish he would fall off the face of earth.

I have always held that the bond between mother and child was nearly incorruptible. That doesn't mean that all mothers and children will hold this course, but certainly most do.

I know I was a heathen when I was a teen. I gave my moth more gray hair than she got from plain age.

The only instances of such document changes (that I am aware of) are court issued in the case of adoption... when the biological parents seek anonymity.

But you could just have your name changed and move someplace without telling anyone exactly where...

OP, Are you aware of the saying "The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree"? In case you're not, well, it may be genetic, it may be how his father acted or it may be how you acted or combination of the three that produced this child in the way he has turned out. To say those things you are not accepting the nurture responsibility part you played. Many people see their children turning out this way and take action, obviously you didn't. I have seen this over and over but the parents never want to accept their part in it. So, you failed him, you disappointed him, not the other way around. Sorry the truth hurts.
ETA: I just read the rest of the thread, things changed dramatically when he was 14? Did you take him to a therapist/ dr anything? Now I can pinpoint where you failed him, if you did not. If my child became a nightmare at 14 I would have taken him to every dr and therapist in the city till someone could help him JMO as a mother.

reply to post by Open2Truth


That's certainly a bigger challenge in terms of the law. In a quick - and I mean really quick - peek, most of the precedents were about the attempts to remove the father's name because of updated/corrected paternity information. In those cases, the age of certificate issuance was a big deal - in other words, after so many years it didn't matter if you really weren't the dad - your name would stay there. Your situation would be even more problematic from a legal perspective. Also, this is almost certainly a case of state law.

There are things you can do to demonstrate your severing ties, and it sounds like you've done many of them - due to his age you would not be held accountable anyway, legally, unless you were actively complicit and/or negligent in the (potential) illegal act or its planning. Socially I understand its a whole different ballgame.

My suggestion is that you find a family law specialist, on referral from a trusted source, in your local area. Assuming your finances are tight (mine certainly are) - most reputable attorneys will schedule either a no-cost or low-cost initial consultation where you can, in confidence, get your answers.

In the meantime, I strongly recommend that you find a support system, in some form or another, of others who are faced with similar challenges, or at least can help you deal with the emotional burden that your experiencing. That is, I would suggest, the most important task ahead of you - to focus on your own journey and healing.

Good luck - and hang in there!

Originally posted by curiouswa
Too bad you didn't give him up for adoption as he might have had a chance at turning out better.

Maybe and maybe not. What makes a psychopath that has no feelings or empathy for another human being? Is it determined in the womb through biological development or shaped from outside stimulation or even total indifference?

Originally posted by Onboard2

Originally posted by curiouswa
Too bad you didn't give him up for adoption as he might have had a chance at turning out better.

Maybe and maybe not. What makes a psychopath that has no feelings or empathy for another human being? Is it determined in the womb through biological development or shaped from outside stimulation or even total indifference?

It so doesn't matter what makes them, it is in fact known there are indicators of the type of behavior labeled as psychopathic and it is the parent's job to recognize when their child has an issue, whatever it is. In the case of the psychopath, there really is not much a parent can do but get it diagnosed, chances are they will have to be "treated" when they have actually done a crime. There is no treatment btw, it just means taking them off the street, which can only be done two ways, mental hospital or prison, and it is very difficult to do either one until they actually commit a crime. You can put them into a mental hospital as a parent but once they are 18 they have to release them. But I don't think tht your child was a psychopath because it would have been evident from very young, not as late as 14 it would have escalated by 14 but it would have been evident much sooner.

Originally posted by curiouswa
How do you know he actually raped someone? Were you there? If he wasn't brought up on charges, then how do you know for sure?

I was a manager of a mental health organization who only provided care for the severely and chronically mentally ill. These people had no chance at living a normal life. Our objective was to keep them from trying to kill themselves or doing harm to other people. Even if your son has an (undiagnosed) mental disorder, this doesn't make him so evil that you wish he was dead.

What you described hasn't been so "God awful" to disown him or wish him harm. I wonder what he would say about you? Having mother who hates you like you do, probably screwed him up more than anything. Think about it, not sure how your relationship is with your mother, but if you had a mother who would rather you be dead, that is serious abuse on your end. Were you the type of mother to tell him of all his faults and how he "couldn't do anything right"? Why on Earth would you post (what you claim) to be a legal question on a forum like this? By you doing this, it only proves you are the sick one, not your son. There are legal forums you could posted the question. Too bad you didn't give him up for adoption as he might have had a chance at turning out better.

id tell ya more but people are very judgemental

Originally posted by ldyserenity
OP, Are you aware of the saying "The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree"? In case you're not, well, it may be genetic, it may be how his father acted or it may be how you acted or combination of the three that produced this child in the way he has turned out. To say those things you are not accepting the nurture responsibility part you played. Many people see their children turning out this way and take action, obviously you didn't. I have seen this over and over but the parents never want to accept their part in it. So, you failed him, you disappointed him, not the other way around. Sorry the truth hurts.
ETA: I just read the rest of the thread, things changed dramatically when he was 14? Did you take him to a therapist/ dr anything? Now I can pinpoint where you failed him, if you did not. If my child became a nightmare at 14 I would have taken him to every dr and therapist in the city till someone could help him JMO as a mother.

edit on 20-8-2011 by ldyserenity because: add

Oh another judgement I feel inclined to defend. I know I wasnt a perfect parent, no one is, I did create a pretty good life for him. From good schooling, religion, social activities, and plentyof love. As I had stated I dont believein spankings, I would do things like sit in the corner 5 minutes, or take a favorite toy or friend away for a week. But, to say the apple dont fall far from the tree is casting a HUGHE judgement on this situation. He may had shown signs of psycho/socia path as a child, but then again some 29 years ago how much attention was played into this? at the time he was a child in school he was in special educational classes from a learning disability, he was born with cronic asthma always in the hospital... I didnt have time to not tend othim. Shtz He was so sickly I couldnt hold a job more then a month because I had to be at the hospital or at home tending him. He grewup fishing camping, he was huck fin lookalike winner when he was 9. He went to summer camps. again I know i wasnt a perfect parent because NO-ONE is. But I was ok a parent thats for sure. I never ever touched my kids in anger. I never ever belittled them to bring down their self esteem, (saw alot of parents doing this)
Lets think of casey anthony, did her parents know she was psycho, socialpath unempathic demon, murderous type as a child? no they didnt. but heck know that I think about it, look how harshly the parents were judged...

Originally posted by OtherSideOfTheCoin
reply to post by lbndhr

 

Quite simply you are a bad mother.

I am sorry but any parent who writes something like this is a bad parent, you wish you had an abortion, sorry that is just sick. Have you ever considered that he may have turned out the way he did as a result of you bad parenting you should be endeavouring to help your son not cut him off like this.

I know I don’t have the benefit of all the facts but any mother who writes something like this probably did not deserve the gift of a child in the first place.

I know I am being harsh, but I am sorry I feel a need for both your sakes to tell you to pull yourself together and sort stuff out with your son. No matter what you are always going to be his mother so sort your relationship out with your son.

edit on 20-8-2011 by OtherSideOfTheCoin because: (no reason given)

You cant help people that dont want to be helped - Her son sounds like one of these people.
I think your being very harsh yourself. the "gift of a child" Hmm, a gift from who exactly?
Personally i dont believe people should air their dirty laundry in a public and quite frankly, i think a mod should close this thread down - It has no purpose on ATS.

Yeah the divorce thing and the dad having married 3 times after sounds about right. Hopefully he was/is close with his dad now.

So what unlucky persons name would you have put on it. When push comes to shove changing your name on the BC won't matter you and the father are still going to be held accountable in the eyes of society. He will alway call you his mother and probably blame you for his poor choices in life, it's so much easier than taking personal responsibility.

I don't believe you can do that. It's a fact that happened in the past, proves his own citizenship, and is an historical record. I don't judge you a bit for feeling angry, but the way to be rid of him is to make sure you disinherit him in a will. If you don't have a will and there are no other mitigating factors, then he would have at least a partial claim to your estate, whatever that might be. IANAL and you should see a real one, not depend on ATS for legal advice, but I believe the way it works is that you name him specifically in your will to get very little, just a token amount of a few bucks. That way he cannot say you forgot or did so unintentionally.

Stuff happens and don't take any lip from these folks who blame you on here.

Originally posted by schuyler
I don't believe you can do that. It's a fact that happened in the past, proves his own citizenship, and is an historical record. I don't judge you a bit for feeling angry, but the way to be rid of him is to make sure you disinherit him in a will. If you don't have a will and there are no other mitigating factors, then he would have at least a partial claim to your estate, whatever that might be. IANAL and you should see a real one, not depend on ATS for legal advice, but I believe the way it works is that you name him specicially in your will to get very little, just a token amount of a few bucks. That way he cannot say you forgot or did so unintentionally.

Stuff happens and don't take any lip from these folks who blame you on here.

He is wlled $1.00.

Originally posted by Bullcookies
So what unlucky persons name would you have put on it. When push comes to shove changing your name on the BC won't matter you and the father are still going to be held accountable in the eyes of society. He will alway call you his mother and probably blame you for his poor choices in life, it's so much easier than taking personal responsibility.

It is like when a single mom don't put a fathers name on the BC. It stays blank.

reply to post by lbndhr

That's certainly a bigger challenge in terms of the law. In a quick - and I mean really quick - peek, most of the precedents were about the attempts to remove the father's name because of updated/corrected paternity information. In those cases, the age of certificate issuance was a big deal - in other words, after so many years it didn't matter if you really weren't the dad - your name would stay there. Your situation would be even more problematic from a legal perspective. Also, this is almost certainly a case of state law.

There are things you can do to demonstrate your severing ties, and it sounds like you've done many of them - due to his age you would not be held accountable anyway, legally, unless you were actively complicit and/or negligent in the (potential) illegal act or its planning. Socially I understand its a whole different ballgame.

My suggestion is that you find a family law specialist, on referral from a trusted source, in your local area. Assuming your finances are tight (mine certainly are) - most reputable attorneys will schedule either a no-cost or low-cost initial consultation where you can, in confidence, get your answers.

In the meantime, I strongly recommend that you find a support system, in some form or another, of others who are faced with similar challenges, or at least can help you deal with the emotional burden that your experiencing. That is, I would suggest, the most important task ahead of you - to focus on your own journey and healing.

Good luck - and hang in there!
PS Please forgive the double post, meant this as a direct response to you but inadvertently posted it first.

Originally posted by lbndhr

Originally posted by ldyserenity
OP, Are you aware of the saying "The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree"? In case you're not, well, it may be genetic, it may be how his father acted or it may be how you acted or combination of the three that produced this child in the way he has turned out. To say those things you are not accepting the nurture responsibility part you played. Many people see their children turning out this way and take action, obviously you didn't. I have seen this over and over but the parents never want to accept their part in it. So, you failed him, you disappointed him, not the other way around. Sorry the truth hurts.
ETA: I just read the rest of the thread, things changed dramatically when he was 14? Did you take him to a therapist/ dr anything? Now I can pinpoint where you failed him, if you did not. If my child became a nightmare at 14 I would have taken him to every dr and therapist in the city till someone could help him JMO as a mother.

edit on 20-8-2011 by ldyserenity because: add

Lets think of casey anthony, did her parents know she was psycho, socialpath unempathic demon, murderous type as a child? no they didnt. but heck know that I think about it, look how harshly the parents were judged...

Yes they do and did, they just choose to lie and look retarded covering for the awful woman. They were not lying to themselves they knew what kind of woman they had raised, they just lied to the world I didn't say it was all parenting I said genetics too, however there really is nothing one can do about that. There's many factors. Being he had some problems as a kid then all I can say is he is what he is and they usually don't want help (psychopathics) and they will only be taken off the street when they commit a crime and get caught. All you can do now is to stay away from him, I don't think removing your name from the BC would do anything. But take him out of your will.

reply to post by lbndhr

Past few months. NO mother Of a child, whether guy or girl, can completely have no disregard for their child over a portion of "a few months". I have done numerous things to my mom and my life that is pretty #ed up. YET ..she still loves me! And always will. You better think about what you're about to do, regarding your relationship with your child. Just saying.