Where Have all the Real Women Gone?

Hello! I am a 36 year old, modern day Canadian woman. I do not, and have never conformed to the olden day definition of a woman. I was raised to be independent and self sufficient, which is who I am.

I don't expect a man to open a door for me as I am more than capable of doing it myself. In fact, I find that I hold doors for more men....weird hey?

I have been married to a wonderful man, my best friend actually, for over 11 years and we do not have any kids. We both work very hard, but also enjoy traveling and spending time with family and friends.

I sometimes feel pressure to answer the age old question as to why I don't have kids, or why I don't want any. Children seem to be the stereotypical goal of women, and I feel this is wrong. Why can I not strive to be a top CEO like countless men in the corporate world? Why must I reproduce to prove my worth?

Now please do not mistake my comment above for putting down any woman who wishes to have children. I give you all the credit you deserve...I could not handle being a full time mom as it is far too much work. I would take the stress of the corporate world anyday over trying to raise a child in today's day and age. I have many girlfriends who only wanted to be a mom, and are the best moms out there. I could never do what they do and have told them this many times.

Basically what I am saying is that I feel a modern day woman is still a true woman regardless if she is a stay at home mom or a corporate executive. Choice is the key word here, and I feel that any true woman is capable of deciding what is right for her

As for idols, I don't believe in using any hollywood women as idols. My idols are my mom, grandmothers, sisters, and girl friends as they show me the diversity of true women.

its so wrong for the young girls of today to idolize and worship the drug addicted whores of hollywood and the mostly talentless slutty singers and entertainers of todays meat market music industry

I guess I am a cross breed between old fashioned women and modern women.
I am a mother, and if the situation allowed, would prefer to be a homemaker. I own more dresses than I do jeans, but I could care less about shoes. My views on relationships are a cross between modern and old fashioned as well. I believe in men being the provider and the protector and women being the nurturer and homemaker, but I also believe in equality when it comes to to decision making and finances. I bake but I am also quite the handy man, or should I say handy women, when things need to be repaired around the house. I am not the kind of dainty women that needs to be rescued from bugs, or gets squeamish about baiting a fishing line, and I'll gut and clean my own catch thank you very much.
Now, if someone could please explain to me why that bothers almost every man I have dated? Men complain about women complain about them going fishing, but then complain about the woman going fishing . In my last relationship this was his biggest complaint.

in the past, a man could be loved by a loyal and honest woman just for holding a job,writing her love letters and giving her flowers that he picked somewhere while walking to her house...now a man can have a woman "tell him what he wants to hear" and make believe she loves him for a little while, if he pays her rent and or buys her a car and or hands over his pay check every week and this will go on until "a new man" with "more to offer" shows up. then suddenly her true colors will come shining through and her "act" will begin, with her "fabricated fights"and her "crocodile tears" and her "staged arguing" that will result in "the old man" being tossed aside, because its all about $$$ these days,not real emotions...its really sad.

reply to post by calstorm


With everything you said, where do you provide the man you are dating the one thing he needs? You may call me crazy, but a man needs to be needed. You do all the cooking, cleaning, handy man work, take care of everything your self, and provide for yourself. Where does that leave him? If you fish with him, you don't even need help gutting or baiting.

I've been married for 14 years. I came close to getting a divorce. In some of our most heated arguments he point blank say I'm not needed around here. What use am I except to bring home the money, and politely speaking have a tussle in bed. It took me awhile before I really got clued in on it. He needed to be needed.

Yes, our relationship is complex as any will be. It did help to start to need him. Just saying it did nothing. I had to prove it by asking him to do things I knew I could do. With that and marriage counseling I realized that I wasn't fulfilling his needs, and he got a hold of some anger issues. The heated arguments are mostly gone, and you never need me hasn't come up in a very long time.

Even though I can do it, it is nice to sit back and let him take charge and do things. Then I have time to focus on other things that need done. I look back on my previous relationships, and those of my friends and family. Yes, with most men there seems to be a need to be needed.

With the fishing, the only thing I can think of is that they may see you as intruding in on their time alone to be with nature, or to bond with their buddies. You like fishing and he likes fishing, you can do it separate or together. Not everything should be done together even though both of you enjoy the same thing. Sometimes a guy just needs some space to himself. Sometimes it is good that a guy has a hobby outside of his relationship that he can enjoy.

My husband loves racing, but I hate it. He watches it, and I do something else. There was a time he was able to go to the track and watch it. It was an overnight trip, and I waved by as I was scheming my personal alone time for myself. I will sit down and watch some football with him every once in a blue moon, mainly when the Steelers are near another super bowl.

Other than that, you will either have to ask the men while you are dating them, or think back on all the arguments you had and take some clues from that.

One of the hardest things to do, and yet one of the most informative things to do is to really listen during an argument. Not only listen to the words, but the implications as well. What being implied isn't always negative. The other person will say it out of hate and anger intending to hurt you the most possible. Later on if you can separate the emotions from the words, and take a good look at what is actually being said/what he is complaining about.

Depending on what the complaint is, there are choices to be made. 1) Ok, I can see his complaint. Now how can I address it? 2) We need to talk about this issue in more depth. 3) This can't be resolved, and he is out the door, or if married we need counseling.

As far as the topic goes, I can see the point of the question. For me it is not the point that women traded their skirts for pants, are more self sufficient, or hold jobs. It may have been idealized in movies, but women seemed to know how to have a grace and poise about them selves that could make plain women beautiful and someone to contend with. They seemed to know how to handle themselves better, and say what they mean with all the force men could without having to degrade themselves to use swear words.

I know grace, poise, and edicate use to be taught. Over time it stopped being taught, and not all mothers passed their knowledge down to their daughters. The same with cooking. Really, how many women can make a different decent home cooked meal not from a box every day? Have we lost our patience to do so, if we know how.

What do we teach our daughters about such things, and how to handle themselves in public? Is it that we only really teach the basics when we take our very young children out to a public restaurant, and teach them how to sit still and be quiet as not to bother the other patrons? What do we really know about being poised and elegant and the power it can have in a society that has thrown grace to the way side? We can only teach what we have been taught or take the time to learn if possible later in life before you have to teach your children. It seems they are learning more through their peers, school, and the tv shows they watch which can be a scary thought.

What do we teach our daughters about how to handle themselves around boys when they go on dates? Do we really teach them anything beyond don't do this with a boy, and here take the cell phone. If tries anything, get away to a safe location, and call me. That is unless you are really paranoid and hand your daughter mace to take along as well.

I believe this was true back then, and still has bearing today. The more poised, elegant, and classy a woman presents herself as, she has a better potential to find a better and more suitable mate than one who presents herself as more crass and rude with undertones that most men are to be mistrusted.

Real women are alive and well...we know who we are and it takes a special kind of man (few and far between) to truly see us.

There is an old saying: "Be a lady in public, and a whore in the bedroom." Any man worth his weight that can handle a female with those qualifications...well...would be worth investing time in. I respond to "class"...I treat others as I would enjoy being treated, ego's are left at the door...we were made to walk beside our men, not behind them or in front of them...

reply to post by Mystery_Lady


Oh, don't get me wrong, just because I can do some of the things listed doesn't mean I want to do them, I would love for a man to do the plumbing, mow the lawn and fix the car. Men in my neck of the woods just don't seem to know how anymore.

Originally posted by calstorm
reply to post by Mystery_Lady

 

Oh, don't get me wrong, just because I can do some of the things listed doesn't mean I want to do them, I would love for a man to do the plumbing, mow the lawn and fix the car. Men in my neck of the woods just don't seem to know how anymore.

I hear women would like rednecks, ........you know, if it wasn't for the fact they are redneck.


Country folks seem to know how to do it all.
When I lived in some of those rural areas most of the guys were the almost stereo typical guy of the old days.
Strong willed, able, protective of all women, and good parents.
Sadly though I believe there is a class warfare that likes to portray such people as not only threatening to women, but to everyone in general.
Contrary to popular belief they don't all slap their wives, drink heavily, watch NASCAR, and have rotten teeth.
They also won't eat you if you make a wrong turn.
They are definitely "hick" as hell though. But tough as hell too. Most of them were some really good guys.

Look it's quite simple.
A 'real woman' always wears skirts/dresses and heels - deven though they might make it difficult to walk and cause physical damage.
Her goal is to look perfect at all times even when she has three toddlers clinging round her legs.
She stays at home and always has a meal on the table for her husband when he comes home - her main role in life is to make him happy.
She can turn from homemaker to slut at the drop of a hat.
She keeps her mouth shut when she has the answer to a problem because she knows it is just not done to appear more intelligent than him. Apart from which it might make him feel insecure.
She was born to sew and cook - and knock out children by the dime. She can do all these things naturally!
She politely looks the other way when he takes a mistress (after all she is just too damn boring).

I jest of course

The real women are here and thriving.

But any woman who uses Lady(excuse me, not a lady) Gaga as her role model is not a real woman.

Originally posted by catwhoknowsplusone
The real women are here and thriving.

But any woman who uses Lady(excuse me, not a lady) Gaga as her role model is not a real woman.

This does remind me of a man I fancied who said women should not be pressured into wearing make up, tight clothing etc. So one night we went for a drink and I made an effort to look 'natural'. He spent the whole evening staring at a woman by the bar. She was getting on a bit and had bleached hair and make up put on with a trowel. But she was quite trim and wore a see through blouse. I reminded him of his words. 'I know' he said, 'but the brain says one thing and the body says another'.

reply to post by starchild10


Well,

Let us say that men are not ruled by their brains when it comes to women.

So when he said his brain told him one thing, he meant that that unreliable and uncontrollable organ told him another.

Poor men, it's not their fault (laugh).

Originally posted by catwhoknowsplusone
reply to post by starchild10

 

Well,

Let us say that men are not ruled by their brains when it comes to women.

So when he said his brain told him one thing, he meant that that unreliable and uncontrollable organ told him another.

Poor men, it's not their fault (laugh).

Rubbish!

I have been without a woman for 18 months and have never been happier.

I am being pursued by two women at the moment who dont take no for an answer.
I have told them repeatadly that I am not interested, but that does not seem to penetrate their tiny minds. The more I say no, the harder they try and it pisses me off no end.

I have tried to be nice, and nasty, and as Im a 6ft 5" skinhead you would think that would put them off? Nope!

Even men can say no.

Dont get me wrong I would not mind a tumble now and again but I do not sleep around and am not ready for a relationship as I still love my ex.. Once that gets better then I will date, but will not be pressured by predatory women either.

No means no, even for men.

Originally posted by catwhoknowsplusone
The real women are here and thriving.

But any woman who uses Lady(excuse me, not a lady) Gaga as her role model is not a real woman.

Originally posted by Holly N.R.A
Real women are alive and well...we know who we are and it takes a special kind of man (few and far between) to truly see us.

There is an old saying: "Be a lady in public, and a whore in the bedroom." Any man worth his weight that can handle a female with those qualifications...well...would be worth investing time in. I respond to "class"...I treat others as I would enjoy being treated, ego's are left at the door...we were made to walk beside our men, not behind them or in front of them...

Basically what I said, dear cat...

As for Lady Gaga...heh...she is who she is...if she is meant to be an "icon" to young women...then those little girls still have a lot of learnin' to do, eh?

Originally posted by mnmcandiez
I'm a woman and I find it insulting that you think I'm a fake one.

Lol..

Marylin Monroe was on the cover of playboy with nudes....what's a "real" woman?

edit on 8/19/2011 by mnmcandiez because: (no reason given)

edit on 8/19/2011 by mnmcandiez because: (no reason given)

A "real" woman is the same thing as a "real" man. Sadly, to be either one of those is not as fashionable as it once was.

It's dangerous to think of people as being 'not real' to me.
They just have different priorities.

Being a woman for me has been tricky. What was expected of me at 20 is far different from what's expected of me at 44.

I feel sorry for the modern woman, confronted with so many images of perceived beauty. The media bombards young girls with unnatural images, that bring on eating disorders and create insecurities for young women. I don't know why women buy the beauty and fashion magazines, must make them feel depressed after going through one.

michaelinmi.wordpress.com... [ no more toy guns or playing in the dirt for boys, no more dolls and dresses for girls ]

Originally posted by woodwardjnr
I feel sorry for the modern woman, confronted with so many images of perceived beauty. The media bombards young girls with unnatural images, that bring on eating disorders and create insecurities for young women. I don't know why women buy the beauty and fashion magazines, must make them feel depressed after going through one.

The same reason men try to be tough guys. It's all a facade to meet cutural expectations.