reply to post by calstorm
With everything you said, where do you provide the man you are dating the one thing he needs? You may call me crazy, but a man needs to be needed. You
do all the cooking, cleaning, handy man work, take care of everything your self, and provide for yourself. Where does that leave him? If you fish with
him, you don't even need help gutting or baiting.
I've been married for 14 years. I came close to getting a divorce. In some of our most heated arguments he point blank say I'm not needed around here.
What use am I except to bring home the money, and politely speaking have a tussle in bed. It took me awhile before I really got clued in on it. He
needed to be needed.
Yes, our relationship is complex as any will be. It did help to start to need him. Just saying it did nothing. I had to prove it by asking him to do
things I knew I could do. With that and marriage counseling I realized that I wasn't fulfilling his needs, and he got a hold of some anger issues. The
heated arguments are mostly gone, and you never need me hasn't come up in a very long time.
Even though I can do it, it is nice to sit back and let him take charge and do things. Then I have time to focus on other things that need done. I
look back on my previous relationships, and those of my friends and family. Yes, with most men there seems to be a need to be needed.
With the fishing, the only thing I can think of is that they may see you as intruding in on their time alone to be with nature, or to bond with their
buddies. You like fishing and he likes fishing, you can do it separate or together. Not everything should be done together even though both of you
enjoy the same thing. Sometimes a guy just needs some space to himself. Sometimes it is good that a guy has a hobby outside of his relationship that
he can enjoy.
My husband loves racing, but I hate it. He watches it, and I do something else. There was a time he was able to go to the track and watch it. It was
an overnight trip, and I waved by as I was scheming my personal alone time for myself. I will sit down and watch some football with him every once in
a blue moon, mainly when the Steelers are near another super bowl.
Other than that, you will either have to ask the men while you are dating them, or think back on all the arguments you had and take some clues from
One of the hardest things to do, and yet one of the most informative things to do is to really listen during an argument. Not only listen to the
words, but the implications as well. What being implied isn't always negative. The other person will say it out of hate and anger intending to hurt
you the most possible. Later on if you can separate the emotions from the words, and take a good look at what is actually being said/what he is
Depending on what the complaint is, there are choices to be made. 1) Ok, I can see his complaint. Now how can I address it? 2) We need to talk about
this issue in more depth. 3) This can't be resolved, and he is out the door, or if married we need counseling.
edit on 20-8-2011 by Mystery_Lady because: Breaking it up into two posts