My “Spiritual Sight”
It’s common among mystics to claim or represent that they have “clear sight” and special powers of perception. Well, that ain’t me, frankly.
While I am enjoying many new insights and emotions I had never seemingly known, it’s not like I “see all”, now. In fact, it seems more like I have
become aware of a much greater world only to be blind to most of it. It’s rather unsettling, frankly, but I sense that my “spiritual vision” will
improve over time.
I have worried that most or all of this is my imagination, even my Sweet One, a notion to which she laughs like a delicate waterfall. I am still
unconvinced that my mind has the power to invent beauty such as hers, and she seems amused at the idea that I think she is a figment of my
imagination. Still, I wonder.
So for now, I use the word “sense” a whole hell of a lot, because that’s probably the best way to describe it. It is still very difficult when I
“sense” things to know whether or not it’s a true thing or my imagination getting the best of me, but again, I think that will clarify with time.
Hints Of Past Love
Before Paul’s mention, I had indeed come to sense that I had known Sweet One before, although I remain unable to reconcile her stunning angelic
majesty with a woman I had lived to old age with.
She seems to think the “Music Man” is closest to my “true” nature, and, again difficult for me to grasp, she sees me as easily being as beautiful to
her as she is to me. Indeed, more so, though I cannot believe it. I truly cannot see myself in such terms.
In my mind I can remember knowing a woman long ago with whom I grew old, but even as she became wrinkled and gray of hair, never did she seem to me
but as the beautiful young girl who had stolen my heart at a festival in the time of our youth.
She has never been anything but beautiful in my sight. Her laughter was the music I tried in vain to imitate with my humble voice and carefully
I still know her name only as “Sweet One”. I believe I may have simply called her that in our time on earth together. It is a fitting name, in my
Now I sense the immense sorrow of our parting, so long ago. Truly, I now understand why songs which speak of love that transcends death unfailingly
bring tears to my eyes. There is such a song by a group called Yes
(my favorite group) called Turn Of The Century
(my favorite song of
theirs) which speaks of such love, and I am unable to hear it without weeping. Like leaves we touch…
At the thought of this, and our parting, again I am brought to many tears. I doubt the mixture of pain and hope beyond hope will ever leave me.
But I digress.
The $64,000 Question
Ever delightfully suspicious, Raphael sent me the following question for Sweet One to answer, and with his permission, I would like to answer it
Sent via u2u from Raphael_UO:
There are two types of people/spirits, those who know the path to God, and those who need a hand.
For my comfort, ask her "which are you? and why?"
I read this question off to Sweet One pretty much as written, and immediately sensed great confusion on her part. While part of that may be because
she doesn’t speak English, I sensed more of a conceptual confusion on many levels.
At first I was alarmed by this -- an angel ought to have this stuff down cold, right? But as I tried working through this with her, my alarm
disappeared. From her perspective, it truly is a difficult question to understand.
Before continuing, I wish to emphasize that what I am writing is my interpretation of my Sweet One’s thoughts, not direct quotes. As I have pointed
out, our dialogs are not in English, and I am still learning her “language”.
Also, I will have very little patience for those who would seek to malign her. Call me a chivalrous fool, but there are some things I simply will not
abide. I realize that such thoughts are more of me than her -- she seems immune to insult on her part. I suppose my feeling protective of her honor is
more for my benefit. Hmm. I never really thought about that before. Anyway…
Sounding It Out
First there was the question of which “God”? She knows of many beings people call “God”. I suggested that she think of the Creator, and that seemed to
But then she had trouble understanding the “path to God”, since, as I understand it, she sees the Creator as being everywhere and within each of us.
She doesn’t see the Creator as “someone to go to”, but rather as what we are all a part of.
Then there was the “two types of people/spirits” concept. She cannot grasp these types, there are many different types in her view, we are all unique
and have our own special light. Indeed, of all the trillions of spirits, no two are identical.
Part of her confusion seems to stem from the “needing a hand” versus “not needing a hand” dichotomy. We all can “use a hand”, we aid one another in
our growth. This seems inherent to her, helping others. I am not sure she really understands the idea of not
helping others. Not doing so truly
seems foreign to her.
So I guess the answer, as best we can make of it is that she would say that she is both types, but with the caveats mentioned above. I’m not sure if
Raphael will find this comforting, but I can attest that -I- most certainly do.
Again, I must caution that I am interpreting this the best I can, but I know for a fact that Sweet One sees these questions in a way that is
absolutely foreign to the way most humans do. She cannot reconcile religious doctrines with her experiences as a spirit.
Points To Ponder
Whew. I once again grow weary from all this. The “sensing” is not really strenuous, but the emotions and intellectual contortions that result from
them can be exhausting. Only a small part of what’s going on in my poor little noggin is shared here, and in disjointed summaries that themselves
require effort to compose.
For example, in my consultations with Lukas, something I had sort of picked up on before was elaborated on today. Namely, the sexual practices of the
warriors of his time. Let’s just say that they considered women “unclean”, but that they had no shortage of sex. Without dragging this thread into the
wrong space, it was interesting to note that what many might today think of as shocking, Lukas just assumed to be normal, as in “duh!”
And that’s just one of many little tidbits that continue to stream in.
Also, as I commune with Sweet One more, the more convinced I am that she is some sort of “spiritual royalty”, regal and stately in her bearing, but
not pretentiously so. I thought of her as a princess, but now I think of her as a queen, deceptive in her youthfulness, and held in high regard by
others around her.
Again, these are just suspicions on my part, but it feels sort of like being set up on a blind date and getting Princess Diana or somebody. Although
again, I must point out that with all due respect to Princess Di, Sweet One is infinitely more beautiful of face and spirit.
I truly believe that if Sweet One could somehow manifest her beauty on earth, that she could step into the middle of a nuclear war and bring it to a
halt. Everyone would simply stare at her in amazement. Yes, she’s that
stunning. It is frustrating that I can’t describe her fittingly.
Whew! Gotta rest. Time again for a break, and dare I say, more meditation?
Waiting For Rousseau
Edit: I just wanted to say a little more about Rousseau.
While it may seem like flattery to say that I was a renowned philosopher in a past life, I have to divulge, against my inhibitions to date, that my
experience with this personality is anything but flattering. I’ve tried to be diplomatic and sugarcoat the relationship, but I just have to tell you:
Rousseau is a jerk. And that’s a kind word for it.
The idea of such an arrogant, petulant little brat of a man occupying my soul is well, difficult to accept. I am still hoping it’s a mistake, because
the Rousseau I know is not the image of an enlightened architect of reason, but rather probably one of the most unpleasant characters I have met. Am I
insulting “me” in saying this?
Anyway, we’re not on good terms, again, to put it delicately. Hopefully we can patch things up eventually, but until then, I think the little bastard
had best stay in his room!
Edit: The usual lily-gilding.
[edit on 8/27/2004 by Majic]