Another Sleepless Night
My dear Sweet One has “stepped back” to give me a little room, just off my “radar screen” as it were. I know she is there, but as is her special
talent, she can be present there without being in the way. Gotta love that in a woman.
So many things come to mind as I muse tonight. Little things falling into place, little details. I know I have complained of the inadequacy of words,
and I still do. But some things do seem to bear translation reasonably well.
I’m trying to avoid “stream-of-consciousness” posts, so I’ll see what I can do to organize these little tidbits as best I can. As it is, I’m sure I’ll
have about a dozen u2u’s from Raphael in the mailbox when I log in tomorrow, bless his heart.
Paul And The Solists
While I hate to say something that may seem to compromise my cherished skepticism, it would be dishonest for me to not speak to this matter plainly,
so here it is.
Based on a variety of things I have experienced today, recently, and in general, I think Paul is being 100% honest in his statements. That is not to
say he is without errors, none of us are.
But there is, frankly, almost no doubt left in my mind that he believes what he is saying. More profoundly, I have seen and experienced things not
covered here or in u2u’s that confirm his veracity in unexpected and subtle ways.
There have been spiritual contacts today that can best be described as “acknowledgements”, spiritual nods of the head or paying of respects from
beings that I sense are very noble in their manners and intents.
The notion of respect toward me is unshakable. It’s kind of like saying “hi” to a friend without interrupting his work. There have been several of
these throughout the day from different beings. Their aspects seem to be that of wishing to give regards without interfering with my meditations.
It is not
“welcome aboard” or “glad you’re with us” or anything resembling that! More like “nice to see you.” It’s really quite charming.
So for those of my fellow skeptics reading this, I would say “Yeah, assume Paul and Majic are in cahoots.” But in truth, this is still not the case. I
wish to learn more about TSOL and its activities, but I’m in no hurry, and though I am effectively buying into a lot of TSOL concepts, I don’t feel
any sense of obligation, other than to return many kind regards.
They do indeed seem to have some significant “heavy-hitters” -- assuming these beings are in fact “members” -- I sense connections but it‘s not like
these beings are wearing badges or uniforms. They are who they are, plainly enough. It almost seems wrong to refer to them as “they”, but they do know
one another and communicate as they wish. Definitely not
a “group mind”.
I can say that my sense is that TSOL is way too free-form and egalitarian to be a cult. These are not vacuous groupies, but brilliant souls of like
mind, each very unique and with their own senses of purpose outside TSOL per se.
They don’t “work for” TSOL in other words, but have common purposes in their paths. I am at a loss for a common human social analogy.
Anyway, I thought I should mention that. Make of it what you will. I am hoping the reader will consider this with skepticism, as always.
The Voices In My Head
Many little tidbits about my past lives seem to be filtering in. While I use a flippant subheading title usually reserved for psychotics, I am quite
confident that what I am experiencing is not psychosis. Being a skeptic, naturally I did and will continue to keep an eye on things though, lest I get
too “out there” for my own good.
So far, I feel fine, and, in fact, have a stronger sense of my individual identity in this life than I did before. I had previously worried that I
might somehow be “taken over” by past life experiences and “lose my identity”. Far from it.
These past life personalities are like separate people to me. I see them as “them” not “us”, though when I turn my thoughts to them I sense emotions
and other attachments that are too intimate to attribute to acquaintances. But I sense no diminution of who I am in this
Indeed, it’s like I’m simply getting to know myself better.
Just as my life is not an open book -- even to me at times -- neither are theirs. Getting clear ideas seems partially obfuscated by translation of
thoughts from a form meaningful to them to me. They seem to “think in my language”, but not exactly. There are language “tidbits” that get dropped,
but Lukas, for example, doesn’t really seem to “think in Greek” per se, although I am fairly certain he spoke that language in life.
They have perspectives which are all radically different from mine, and many things do seem to get lost in the translation. A lifetime represents,
well, an entire lifetime of experiences. Even if I had “high-speed access” to these guys, it would take a great deal of effort to sort things out.
Moreover, I’m not sure that’s where I should be focusing. After all, I have my own life to live, right here, right now. So no, I doubt I’ll be
“channeling Rousseau” any time soon. Perhaps especially Rousseau. Sigh.
Also, though it may sound bizarre, I must, as a skeptic, consider that they may not be entirely honest or forthcoming with me. Not everyone is honest
with themselves, let alone other “versions“ of themselves.
But this still begs the obvious question: what are they saying?
It does indeed seem that Rousseau is one of my past incarnations. Communicating with him has been quite difficult, however, because he is very
strident in his manner and seems very upset both about “unfinished business” and what he keeps calling his “follies”, which I take to mean what he
sees as failings and inconsistencies of thought in his works.
His frustration about his life is palpable. He is not a calm man, to put it delicately. I still don’t know what “Etevon” is all about, but I think it
is a place in France (or maybe Switzerland?) that has some special meaning to him. He doesn’t explain, but that does seem to be an important word to
He was no doubt a brilliant thinker for his time, but his passion definitely has its down sides. He seems very accustomed to having things his way and
is rather self-absorbed -- again, to put it delicately. I’m hoping I can calm him down eventually. We’ll see -- he is very strong-willed.
I keep getting images from this man that lead me to believe that he is, indeed, “one of mine”. Apparently his “miriadon” (or “myriadon”, in reference
to “myriad”, I presume) had specifically warned him not to pursue the marauders too far outside occupied territory, but his lust for battle and pride
drove him and his men to their fates.
The emotions that pour out of him are incredibly strong, in extremes of pride and shame that are well, “epic” in their proportions. I may be able to
learn more from him, but he really seems ruined, to me.
I think it is because of him that certain things, like acts of heroism that involve self-sacrifice, can so easily bring tears to my eyes. Nearly a
hundred men died defending him from fierce enemies, and he saw them all die very brutally in doing so. That is not something any soul can easily
The Music Man
Simple man, simple life. I can’t get so much as a village name out of him, or his own name so far. Apparently people just called him something like
“Tinker” or something like that. He has no concept of geography as we understand it, he lived his whole life in the same village, so map names won’t
help much here.
I’m guessing, and guessing is the word for it, that he may have lived in the ancient Middle East, perhaps in Sumeria, but names like “Sumer”, “Ur” and
so forth just draw a blank with this guy.
He has a calm, focused personality that came from working as a craftsman for his whole life. He has an extremely patient and relaxed manner and does
not think in hurried ways. Very laid back. He can handle repetition better than I can, to put it mildly.
I found out why he liked to make toys. He had many children, although I still can’t pin down a number, but I’m pretty sure he lived to see the birth
of several great-grandchildren, which was very rare for the times.
I think he had only one wife, although it was not unusual for a man to have more than one wife. His attachment to her was strong and long-lasting, and
she outlived him by only a very short time, I think. They may have met again after death as spirits, I can’t be sure. It’s more of a feeling than
I think one of the reasons it’s hard to pin down how many children were his is that he pretty much adopted all the children of the village, most of
whom were nephews, nieces or cousins in some fashion. He doesn’t seem to emotionally distinguish his own children from others in the village. They
were all “his kids”.
I think his objective identity may remain a mystery, but I don’t mind. He’s a very peaceful spirit, and I just like his “vibes”. I suspect his may
have been my most fulfilling life experience so far, possibly. Nice guy, he died very contented, unlike poor Rousseau!
I have a very strong impression that there are many more “chests” I have not opened yet, but all in due course. I cannot say for sure, but there does
seem to be some sort of “method to the madness”.
The good news so far: No Queens of Egypt or Atlantean Princes.
Am I Crazy Yet?
Speaking so matter-of-factly about such things as these does, if I step aside from myself and try to look at this as I would have a couple of weeks
ago, seem absolutely loony tunes to me. I don’t expect anyone reading this to believe it, except maybe Paul or others who know about past lives. Even
then, I most assuredly could be mistaken about my “little friends”.
I joke with Sweet One about her being my “invisible friend”. Certainly, I can understand why many mystics choose to keep their spiritual activities
I do wonder whether or not I will come to regret posting all this to a public Internet forum, but I do have to say that journaling my experiences here
has been clearly very helpful to me in uncountable ways. If not for Paul, I’d probably be driving a bus right now.
As always, usual disclaimers apply. I am gaining confidence about these things, but am still just a spiritual baby. I haven’t even learned how to
Also, I am sure I will want to take some time out for more “connecting with the real world.” This time of hermetic seclusion has been priceless beyond
measure to me, but it is important that I maintain a reasonable degree of “grounding in reality”.
Although, dare I say it? Reality is looking a lot different to me these days.
Edit: [Insert aphorism about imperfection here.]
[edit on 8/27/2004 by Majic]