I AM lost

I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

Last night after work, I attempted to find some "truer" way of being. I identified every distraction, fought it, and ended it, until finally I was just sitting in the dark of my apartment, staring out the window... then I closed my eyes.. and fell asleep for 18 hours.

lol... and this is not the first time this has happened to me.

I keep reading posts by people who sound so much like me, these people who have awakened to the "truth" of this existence. but they almost always claim to somehow just "know" why they are here, they know their purpose. I do not, so I get the feeling I must not be fully awake yet... so its rather funny that every time I try to wake up I fall asleep.

It seems there are two voices in my head, a light and a dark, positive and negative. and my life is a balance between them. but what the hell should I DO? cant I do anything? am I supposed to discover a point? how can there be a point?

I always just confuse myself... till I fall asleep. lol.

any advice?

reply to post by BohemianBrim

just my two cents, important for good life: good food, good sleep, good stool, exercise, lots of fresh air.
you cannot go wrong with these ingredients.

Maybe it is more of a process rather than single moment, and discovering the awareness of these perspectives at first kind of confuse, along the lines of dualism. I would say take that awareness and apply some self control over it, not in how it unfolds, but what you do with it after it does. Try not to cling to any negative that arises within, just recognize it and let it go. Perhaps your mindset has allowed you to step back and see the workings of your own mind. That is a step towards higher awareness, and the next step is learning what to do with it. Constructive contemplations can bring harmony into our existence, but part of the process is passing through all that we perceive, and naturally that includes some woes and wonders. I'm a fan of the Taoistic idea of Wu Wei,More, not that it is the only way to live, but incorporating it into my life brings a sense of balance.

peace,
spec

The point is merely to experience and to learn.

I know how you feel, it is frustrating to feel that life happens around us and we often find ourselves spectating.

When I feel that my input is irrelevant I try to focus on the collective mind.

I try to feel love, peace and transmit the feeling to us all, to encourage peace.

Then I see on the news that everything is pain and suffering. I still try.

We must keep hope, even when there is seemingly none because there is always something to hope for.

We do affect others, even on the web, we just have to make each interaction a positive one. That way we experience more positive feedback.

Just my thoughts on it.

reply to post by BohemianBrim


Your very act of questioning it puts you ahead of the game in many aspects. The most harmful thing you can do is struggle. Simply allow yourself to be confused and don't rush it. Also remember that you have all the time in the world. Literally.

reply to post by BohemianBrim


I think you can´t force that what you are looking to present itself to you.

I think that in time, realisation will come, if you follow your own path.


You say you fall asleep, can you remember your dreams, if any?

Originally posted by BohemianBrim
I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

Worrying comes from things that have been or are yet to come. Ignore the worrying and switch your mind to freeflow......Enjoy the ride.

Just my 2 cents.

Peace

reply to post by BohemianBrim


Everywhere you go, there you are.

reply to post by Cuervo


I'm with Cuervo. I'll also say that if you can laugh at life you are doing it right.

reply to post by BohemianBrim


Is this about some new age ideology? What did you fight?

Everyone who answered so far seems to be in on something that I have no clue about.

thanks for the advice everyone, and the helpful encouragement and energy.

my question could have been better asked as... "what would GOD do?"... and if you know what i mean you know what i mean... its almost like asking.. if I were my own hand, what would be the best thing to grab hold of? lol. its strange... *sigh*

Originally posted by Bleeeeep
reply to post by BohemianBrim

 

Is this about some new age ideology? What did you fight?

Everyone who answered so far seems to be in on something that I have no clue about.

ill give you a clue, what is the only thing you can possibly know for sure?

"I AM"

after that, YOU ARE on your own. haha.

Originally posted by CaptainInstaban
reply to post by BohemianBrim

 

You say you fall asleep, can you remember your dreams, if any?

edit on 14-8-2011 by CaptainInstaban because: (no reason given)

i had MANY dreams.. i think one involved washing my car and enjoying how bright and shiny the paint looked.

but i mainly remember the last one.

i was a small child(a girl i think) and i had a sibling with me(maybe she was the girl, hard to tell).. and we were following our grandmother around, and she was an old asian woman.

we were making dinner.. but it was like it was another world. it seemed like 1800s asia but on another planet.
she was going to make bread, but first she had to cut this chunk of grass covered dirt out of a wet field. the dirt was floating on the water like an island, and people just cut these small rectangles out..
and while we were doing that we had soup(or maybe it was later, it was odd-dream time where things were jumbled together).. and i was playing with what i thought was pasta.. but then realized it was a squid or something... i would put it in the soup water.. and it would float around. then i would pull it out with chopsticks, and it would freeze like stone. and there was this blowfish i was playing with, it was so tiny in the soup, but when i played with it it kept getting bigger.. it was bright red with spikes and i was pushing on it trying to get the spikes to pop out... then i had the horrible HORRIBLE realization that it was alive and that i was hurting it, and how could i eat things like that? and i asked my grandmother if they were alive and she said yes.. then i woke up still feeling horrible.

not sure if thats about anything really.. but it was pretty vivid.

reply to post by BohemianBrim


You are asking,'What should I DO'.

Are you looking for a direction in life ? What career path to follow ? Are you trying to find your place in the 'outer world' ? If so, maybe you are looking in the wrong direction. Everyone is here for a specific spiritual/soul reason.
Some are destined to be great historical figures. Most are not.

The most important 'work' you can do is on yourself. Self improvement. Discover your emotional/spiritual weak points. Be honest with youself about your character defects, and work to eliminate them.

This is truely the most difficult work any person can do, but if undertaken with an unshakable desire for spiritual knowledge and advancement, immeasurably more rewarding than any big salary 'job'.

reply to post by BohemianBrim


What you are or what you are experiencing every one of use are in to it deeply.
It doesn't matter how many people clam to know the answer of your trouble of being, it remain that you are the one that can change the world around you.
Do I talk nonsense ?
Not at all.
You leave a lone and have difficulty to grasp the need of your ego, for the simple reason that your ego desire has been blurred by your better self (I just call it this way...you know what I mean!).
To cut a message short, you are in transition, you have all it take to get things sorted for your realisation... Never forget, it is not about been better as you are perfect...
It is about realisation of your moment.
See the simplicity of life as you where a child once and know about it.

Good journey.

My advice would be to just keep busy. Dwelling on that stuff can lead to getting depressed.

reply to post by BohemianBrim


Oh. God kind of truth. I don't think anyone really knows that kind of truth.


I use a computer-like reality. It helps to explain a lot for me. You're welcome to this idea if you want. It fits pretty good with all kinds of unexplained stuff....

In my computer-like reality, god made us for entertainment or companionship, one or the other is the most probable for me. I think the reason we have to live is so that when we are judged we will understand why we are judged the way we are. Instead of him creating robots who only think the way he wants, he gave us freewill to make us more interesting, but he only wants those with freewill who freely choose to act in a certain manner and worship him.

I also think he doesn't dwell in this reality - only his power, and things he chooses to come into our reality can exist here. So basically, if he were to appear it wouldn't be him but it would be like a avatar of him. I think ufo with aliens in them are materialized or rather sent to our reality bearing angels from one of his other computer-like realities or dimensions. Some alien encounters are from fallen angels aswell so don't confuse all ufo with just angels or just demonic.

And then you just plug in other unexplained or philosophical ideas from there. Things like miracles and ghosts and stuff can be explained like cheat codes and demons.


Anyways. Good luck in your quest for truth.

Originally posted by BohemianBrim
i had MANY dreams.. i think one involved washing my car and enjoying how bright and shiny the paint looked.

Think of life as being a collection of journeys. Each of these journeys have an entirely new destination, with the opportunity for undiscovered experiences and opportunities.

In the real world, we often associate journeys, with cars.

This dream then seems to imply that you are actually happy with your current 'life-vehicle'. You are proud at how you are approaching your life, maybe due to many new understandings of the world around you?

I think that you might just feel down because that shiny new sports car is in the garage, rather than being exposed to the world.

Carpe Diem!

You are experiencing spiritual alchemy. This is the dissolution of what does not belong. We are in a world of opposites. Yin Yang is what you are describing as being at odds. In the Gnostic texts, this is described as right and left. Left pulls you to the material world and right pulls you toward God. This is also what is described as the consuming fire of the flaming sword that protects the tree of life in Genesis 3. The refiner's fire is God working on you. This shows that you are the second of the three persons listed below:

1. Spiritual beings who are at the end of the process of refinement.

2. Physical beings who are in process.

3. Material beings who will never find salvation.

The fact that you are troubled is a good sign. This means you are searching. Read these verses from the Gospel of Thomas:

(1) And he said, "Whoever finds the interpretation of these sayings will not experience death."

(2) Jesus said, "Let him who seeks continue seeking until he finds. When he finds, he will become troubled. When he becomes troubled, he will be astonished, and he will rule over the All."

If you want my commentary on this book, read here. LINK

I can save you time and much reading. After 20+ years of searching, I have come full circle from the Bible, through the wilderness of worldly philosophy, and then back again to the Bible. Stick with the Bible. It is the root of the seed to find God. Your journey is a human experience. You are not a human being having a spiritual experience. You are a spiritual being having a human experience. This is necessary for alchemy and the purpose of nature to take its course. Rejoice. You are where you need to be. The Bible says to overcome the world. This is the point. Remember who and what you are and you will return sooner rather than later.

Confess the Son and seek the Father. This is the point of living. It is not a joy ride. It is a journey through the wilderness, living in a tent. The tent is a temporary vehicle (body) that is used to sense the story of nature. Luke 10 is the point of it all: love God and love others. Live your life searching and God reveals Himself to you.

Why does he not just shine the light directly on you so you can see? You would be blinded. The flaming sword does its work as you live. It is possible to speed the process if you search your heart by rightly dividing the word. This word is the Bible. Study to show yourself approved unto God. Reveal this by your good works. Run from darkness and seek the light. That's about it.

Good luck. My Blog LINK

Originally posted by BohemianBrim
I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

Last night after work, I attempted to find some "truer" way of being. I identified every distraction, fought it, and ended it, until finally I was just sitting in the dark of my apartment, staring out the window... then I closed my eyes.. and fell asleep for 18 hours.

lol... and this is not the first time this has happened to me.

I keep reading posts by people who sound so much like me, these people who have awakened to the "truth" of this existence. but they almost always claim to somehow just "know" why they are here, they know their purpose. I do not, so I get the feeling I must not be fully awake yet... so its rather funny that every time I try to wake up I fall asleep.

It seems there are two voices in my head, a light and a dark, positive and negative. and my life is a balance between them. but what the hell should I DO? cant I do anything? am I supposed to discover a point? how can there be a point?

I always just confuse myself... till I fall asleep. lol.

any advice?

reply to post by SuperiorEd


Please enlighten my ignorance ; superiorEd stand for what?

Thank you.

Do you truly want to know or is this just an exercise in receiving opinions? You mentioned that there were two different sides, one light and one dark, this is quite true. The majority of the people in this world would rather that things be in the shade of gray. A good example is the term "white lie", in truth there is no such thing. It is either the truth or it is a lie. Truth is white (light) and a lie is black (dark) no matter the amount of truth contained in the lie. 99% truth and 1% lie is still 100% lie no matter which way you want to spin it. It either is or isn't.

In the end it is up to you, do you really want to know?