Haunting Connection to Another Person

reply to post by LooksLikeWeMadeIt

Now, your response has my senses all atwitter, LooksLikeWeMadeIt, but I won't elaborate. You either know what I'm inferring or you don't. I will say that it's rather arrogant of you to assume that people who are grieving a loss are incapable of making positive contributions to society, don't you think?

You are absolutely entitled to your opinion and since I was the one who invited your comments, I have to try to accept them as graciously as possible. With that said, I can assure you that NONE of the assumptions, insults or comments you made to either me or the others were correct, and that for all the good I do for other people, in spite of my generalized mistrust, I lose not one single second of sleep at night. As for the other poster to whom you referred, I can only say that genuine honesty within the context of trying to help another, especially in an environment of possible scorn, is one of the most unselfish acts I've witnessed in a long, long time.

I wish you well and hope that you yourself live up to the high standards and generalizations you impose on others.

TG

EDIT: Meant to comment on your interesting signature. Teddy Roosevelt was quite a man, usually bright, articulate and fairly motivational in his philosophies; except, of course, in certain generalizations of other people. He misconstrued the adjective "timid" and failed to grasp that the true nature of one self-proclaimed as timid is often just a facade one choses to display. He did take a rather regal photo during his day though...

Wow, I can't believe it hasn't been said yet... so I'll say it! Even though I don't believe it! *grin*

Maybe you two were somehow connected in a past life? Ok, I'm shaking my head at myself because I don't even know that I believe in past lives, but I suppose it could make sense.

The ONLY reason I bring this up is that I went through a very similar thing once and although it has been four years since I last saw him and two years since I last talked to him, sometimes I miss him so much that I just about can't stand it, and I have absolutely no idea why! At first we shared everything... every thought, feeling... we didn't hold anything back. Eventually, I saw through him I came to think that he was absolutely insane (for several reasons that I don't have the time to go into) but even so, I still think about him almost every day. I don't want to talk to him. I DEFINITELY don't want to see him, but I still wonder about him and hope he's ok.

Over the years, I've done some big time soul searching and the past life connection thing kind of popped up. The ONLY reason I entertained that as an option was because I couldn't come up with any other explanation and I kind of started reaching, lol! I'll never necessarily believe it, but who knows...

On a more logical note, I once heard someone say that if you ever truly love someone, you'll ALWAYS love them, no matter what. I guess this is probably a better explanation.

It was so strange reading through your OP because until the part where you said you were only just friends, it was basically MY story! I could have written the same thing! I was in love with him though and he with me. I'm glad it's over now and I hope to never cross paths with him again, but I still wonder about him and wish him well.

reply to post by timidgal


Well unfortunately, I have been "that guy" once before. I know I endanger myself to being disliked by others on this thread but... maybe it will provide some insight to you.

I'm 22 now and when I was 17 I made a huge mistake regarding a girlfriend that I loved. It was so strange now that I look back on it, I was sitting in chemistry class one day and I had seen this girl before hanging out with other friends of mine but I have never talked to her. I thought to myself "I'm going to date her" there was a familiarity about her. Eventually we dated and hit it off quite well, we dated for a couple month's and I was bothered by how serious it was getting. I also had felt that I wasn't totally satisfied at the time so I broke it off for both reasons. There were a couple other girls I liked but nothing ever came of it. Needless to say I remained intimate with this girl throughout the summer and into my senior year in HS.

Then I made a huge mistake.

One night I was drunk with her at a party and I told her that I missed her and that I loved her (I even considered asking her to marry me, but thankfully decided against). The next day she called me and asked me if what I said was true, I denied it all because I was afraid. Of commitment, and of the possibility that I had found the "one" too soon. Afterwards we had a huge fight and I yelled and said regrettable things and I eventually learned from a friend that she would never date me again. I also had told my friends intimate details between the two of us and I'm afraid she eventually found out. I was so cruel, and I regret it so much.

Eventually I had another brief shot at dating her a couple years ago but she has found another guy whom she really likes and has been dating for two years. I have many dreams about her and I always feel tortured when I wake up from them because they revive all those feelings I had and still have for her.

Now we are so different I'm not sure we could ever date again. But sometimes I still hope, but her happiness is what I wish for the most. I continue to try to move on, but haven't had a whole lot of luck really...

I Hope this has been insightful and not too dull.

reply to post by gemineye

The first few lines of your post made me laugh. It's amazing how this site has a way of inciting many of us to think or say certain things in the moment which, in retrospect, we end up shaking our heads about as we silently say to ourselves "did I really say that?".

Hey, you never know and that theory is just as plausible as any other (this coming from the person who put the Wicca spell comment into the OP). I described my connection to him in an earlier post as preternatural and that was an appropriate description. BTW, I've seen and experienced too many unexplainable things over the course of my life to rule out ANYTHING including psychic vampires, backlash from spells or past life connections. I truly do believe in those things, as much as I believe in each person's innate ability to know what's best for him/herself and if your gut said to stay away from him in spite of your love for him, you gotta go with that.

Life is a whacky thing, huh? Anyway, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts - TG

reply to post by timidgal


Timidgal, As I have also had the similar thing happen to me in my life, I know what you're going through. I am also of the Wicca faith and can tell you that in my experience that if the person puts a spell on you without asking it goes against our faith, be safe in knowing this person will or has already been served repercussions, as it is part of my beleif if you do this it will come back on the spell caster negatively. (not the person the spell was cast for unknowingly, meaning it won't affect you but your friend who did it).
Honestly I want to know what the "him" is faith wise. Is he Pagan/Wiccan/Voudian? I would say that he cast a spell on you to attach himself to you. This is what I thought of when it happened to me, still do, even though the person in my situation is actually a christian, but even they can sort of cast a spell if you will. All they have to do is concentrate on you and attracting you to themselves and since thoughts are things, they will tend to work. It's part of "The Secret" that's why in the Wiccan faith it is strongly recommended not to concentrate on a certain person, but certain Qualities you'd like a mate to have, because it can backfire on you, and that tends to anger the person who put so much "thought" into that person they wished to attract, also, it never turns out good.
I hope I have been helpful, and hope I didn't come off redundant.
~namaste

reply to post by asmall89

"Dull" is the very last description that comes to mind and "bravely kind and giving" are right on spot.

I think that men and women are just wired differently and you're certainly not the first man to explain to me how scary taking that final leap is to a man (regardless of age BTW) or that men often do or say mean and spiteful things to hide their true feelings; however, many of the thoughts and regrets you admit to resonate with me; I guess they are the words I yearn to hear from him but know that I never will. Please take this as the compliment it is intended to be - at the relatively young chronological age of 22, you have an old and kind soul. Not only did you provide great insight but just perhaps a reason to hope that there might still be one or two trustworthy men out there...

I wish you nothing but happiness in life, asmall89. Take a leap with the next special one who crosses your path and trust that she will treasure your virtues - TG

Originally posted by yourmaker
been there, still doing that. she came and went but not the feelings I developed too late for her.
she admittedly liked me a lot when we first met and I liked her too. we had such a deep connection for the longest time.
at the time I was not ready to be apart of anything though. I met her on the first day of a new school, living out of a hotel, I had just lost everything I ever owned in a house fire in the area I had just moved to and didnt want her to be hurt in any way.. she still lives just down the road I think, but she doesn't want any part of me, that's clear, because I was clear at the time, I couldn't for the sake of her, she doesn't know this though.

Wow watch Glee much?
This is their last season storyline for the "SAM" character.

People cling to these chance encounters...a moment or three of shared feelings, a beating pulse...

It's easy to hang anything you want on these memories because there is no reality behind them. They are simply pure fantasy projected on a near-stranger, somebody distant enough to never break the spell.

These "relationships that weren't" for lack of a better term can take over the mind because they can become anything you want in your mind. But the more you actually know somebody, the less you can fantasize about them because what you actually know about the person comes to fill the mind -- and usually socks over the bannister are not as fun as fantasies of eternal soul-mate-hood over coffee for 45 minutes.

When people are hung up on one of these mental obsessions with a near-stranger, it says a lot more about them than the object of their obsessions...

reply to post by timidgal


Thank you for your comments, I'm glad you think I am still a kind person.

I hope you get a chance to resolve your feelings with this guy. If anything you can look him up on Facebook to see what he's up too. Maybe he still has feelings too?

It's funny how people can just stick out in your memory no matter how brief you had known them.

Originally posted by ldyserenity
reply to post by timidgal

 

Timidgal, As I have also had the similar thing happen to me in my life, I know what you're going through. I am also of the Wicca faith and can tell you that in my experience that if the person puts a spell on you without asking it goes against our faith, be safe in knowing this person will or has already been served repercussions, as it is part of my beleif if you do this it will come back on the spell caster negatively.
Honestly I want to know what the "him" is faith wise. Is he Pagan/Wiccan/Voudian? I would say that he cast a spell on you to attach himself to you. This is what I thought of when it happened to me, still do, even though the person in my situation is actually a christian, but even they can sort of cast a spell if you will. All they have to do is concentrate on you and attracting you to themselves and since thoughts are things, they will tend to work. It's part of "The Secret" that's why in the Wiccan faith it is strongly recommended not to concentrate on a certain person, but certain Qualities you'd like a mate to have, because it can backfire on you, and that tends to anger the person who put so much "thought" into that person they wished to attract, also, it never turns out good.
I hope I have been helpful, and hope I didn't come off redundant.
~namaste

edit on 14-8-2011 by ldyserenity because: fix spelling

Not redundant in the least bit. I'm actually relieved to know that this spell my well-intentioned yet misguided friend cast did not, in some way, come back to hurt me and I can only hope that her good intentions have shielded her in some way but I suppose that is between her and her Goddess. As for him, he is christian and I get what you're saying about attaching yourself to someone by thought. What I am wondering, however, is whether you think that I could have unwittingly put this on myself by thinking about him as frequently as I do? It's not intentional and the whole purpose of this thread is to figure out if there's a way to stop those thoughts but do you think it's possible I'm locked in some sort of unintentional cycle of my own making?

reply to post by timidgal


In my case I am almost 99.9% sure that the person in my case "inserted" himself into my life in retrospect. It is possible, if you think back you will also see the same pattern. At the time I could not see that, but now I beleive it was calculated and then once they get "close" they say all the things they know will keep you, what will entice you, because they know so much about you. This is my experience, and I don't think it's a cycle you repeated, they are very apt in doing these things and they have a lifetime of practice and are fully aware, but you, he probably has already forgotten about. He just wants, more so NEEDS you to dwell, that is their intention. They are manipulators that play mind games in several ways. I believe you were lucky because he slipped, in my case, I had friends that provided my anchor to reality, instead of being swept up in a whim. It will not last, something always removes the veil. In your case he did what was unforgivable because it is his true nature. In my case I would surely have been severely burned by this man had I not had very honest caring friends who knew persons who dealt with him and been tossed aside like an old used blanket after giveing up what he wanted, their body. But thankfully the rep he had built was the lifting of the veil.
ETA: to be more descriptive, I don't think it is you, it is HIM, he's a user, and I agree quite possibly a psychic vampire.

reply to post by Never Despise

I respect your views and in general theory, I agree with them; however, this is a situation which defies logic in my opinion. In my situation, we knew each other for more than a year before he accepted a two-year position overseas (perhaps not a "short" period of time to some but short over the span of a lifetime in my view, hence my original description). Our connection was so strong that he wanted me to go with him but I had other considerations I couldn't disregard and I honestly didn't think that "love" was part of the equation for me at that point. I still don't know if this is about love but that seems to be what everyone else is picking up on; all I know is that I think about him every single day, I dream about him, I feel stuck in some depressing and unexplainable way and it's not natural in my opinion. As I said earlier, our connection was extreme and survived many challenges until I became scared by the intensity of the attachment. This happened a few months after his post expired and he returned to the US.

I wish I could just will this away with a realization that it's a fantasized memory; I'm a fairly logical and analytical person and would like to think that I could easily do that under most circumstances. The fact that I CAN'T in this instance is what precipitated my thread. This feeling of grief started the moment I severed the relationship (or whatever you want to call it) and hasn't decreased in intensity for the two years since. I'm drained and want to move on.

I don't mean to sound defensive and hope I'm not coming off as such but I'm tired and looking for any advice for outlets of relief as opposed to what equates to psychoanalysis about relationships or romanticized fantasies. Believe me, I've tried everything and have probably worn down my family and friends to no end from my sheer inability to move forward, but I have great faith in the diversity of the members on this board and have gained some new insights and perspective from many of the replies.

TG

reply to post by asmall89

Thanks for your kind wishes...

TG

reply to post by ldyserenity

This all feels correct to me and I will give it more thought over the next few days. In the meantime, I've nothing to lose by following the advice of protection provided to me. Thanks again for your candor and interest. Be well - TG

I don't know if it's the same thing, but I'll share anyways.

I've had many experiences with 'random' people - people I've met in shops, on the street, in a bus station, etc... that I've spent hours talking with. These strangers that just kind of pop up, and you feel such a profound and deep connection with, but I've never kept in touch with them. Usually we just hug it out and split kinda thing. I hate to sound cheesy here but it really is almost magical - and sometimes it's best to leave it at that. We'd share stories, sit and talk about all kinds of things and it was like we'd known each other our whole lives or longer. The connection isn't something even that words would do justice - very beautiful thing to experience. I think of these people often, and they assured me they would think of me as well, but we always agreed it was best to just leave it as it was, and not try to fit each other into our personal lives. I miss these people - the feeling and connection is something that most others can't live up to, and often I can't wait until I can hopefully experience a connection like it again.

Try and find a lesson in this, if you haven't already. Maybe you'll never see this person again - maybe you're not supposed to. You're lucky to have experienced what you did though, and perhaps you should just leave it at that, and find light in the loss rather than try to dwell on what you should/could have done.

reply to post by Cinquain

I envy you these experiences, Cinquain, as they seem to have added richness and happiness to your life. I reveled as I read your descriptions of them. I have friends who have traveled the world and met people with whom they had these automatic ethereal-type connections; some they stayed in touch with and others, like yourself, they appreciated for the short time they had together. I was always amazed by these stories.

Unfortunately, I have never been so lucky as my background was quite different and from an early age, I had just cause to be mistrustful of people. The very first thread I ever authored on ATS explains my early life experiences. The understanding and empathy of many fellow posters on the boards is what brought me here in the first place.

I usually don't see things in life as either white or black, good or evil, but I've encountered some experiences which have challenged my belief that all things in life occur within the grey area (no pun intended to this particular forum). This particular instance is one such case and the more I consider the various possibilities presented, the more I become convinced that this was, and perhaps continues to be, the work of someone who is at best, of poor moral fiber, and at worst, either sociopathic or evil. Some of my unique abilities I've described were merely trumped by someone with better honed and sharpened skills. When looked at from that perspective, the chips seem to fall into place and I now have some direction on how to stop any further damage from occurring.

There was a point in the thread where my optimism overcame what I knew deep down inside. This was a dangerous and harmful situation from the very beginning and I'm sad to say that I can find no good in having lived it, at least not now. I do, however, appreciate your positive and encouraging words and hope to report at some point that the dark cloud following me around has disapated.

Thanks for taking the time to share your experiences and suggestions with me. I have truly been overwhelmed by the depth of responses from everyone and am grateful and humbled by the outpouring of concern - TG

reply to post by timidgal


I have to say I really feel for you, and I'm very sorry that you're going through this right now. I know it's easier said than done [in fact it's something I'm struggling with at the moment] but you need to let go. From what I've gathered while reading some of your replies, you have no intention of contacting him again - if that's the case, you need to forgive and let go. Otherwise, how long are you willing to let yourself feel this way?

I know you have said that he did something unforgivable in your eyes - that very well may be, and I'm sure you know this but that is not going to get you anywhere. You need to move forward, plain and simple. Forgive him. Let the weight of the situation be lifted and I think you'll find moving on much easier. Holding on to whatever it is that happened is what's keeping him 'with' you.

You are in control of this situation, and you decide whether you're lonely or empty or sad, etc... I'm really hoping this isn't coming off as cold, by the way. Maybe think of it as a dose of tough love If it has been 2 years since you've last seen him or spoken with him, and you have no plans on connecting again, what else is left for you to do? You can hunt him down and make amends of the situation and go from there or you can decide right now that you forgive him, accept the role he had in your life for whatever brief time he was around and then push forward and know [and you have to know. Don't even let doubt enter your mind] that you will be ok. Things will start looking up for you.

I hope you're well and I wish you happiness, whatever happens.

Originally posted by ldyserenity

Originally posted by yourmaker
been there, still doing that. she came and went but not the feelings I developed too late for her.
she admittedly liked me a lot when we first met and I liked her too. we had such a deep connection for the longest time.
at the time I was not ready to be apart of anything though. I met her on the first day of a new school, living out of a hotel, I had just lost everything I ever owned in a house fire in the area I had just moved to and didnt want her to be hurt in any way.. she still lives just down the road I think, but she doesn't want any part of me, that's clear, because I was clear at the time, I couldn't for the sake of her, she doesn't know this though.

Wow watch Glee much?
This is their last season storyline for the "SAM" character.

edit on 14-8-2011 by ldyserenity because: edit for spelling

really? which part? because that's my life. lol. can't say i've watched more then a minute of glee and barely know of it's existance due to commercials. I just googled Sam, and I can see similiarities. for one, I am a white blonde guy.
other then that, i'm interested in what you mean.

Originally posted by timidgal
Has anyone ever suffered the experience of having someone in their lives for a relatively brief amount of time and after that association ends, for whatever reason, you can't seem to stop thinking about that person for an unusually long period of time?

Yes!

The moment we met it felt like we had always been together...even before we came here. Almost like...of course we would meet and of course it is this way! The magnitude of our combined energy was...I don't think I even have words for it. It literally felt like we were "connected together". I would even have dreams about intense conversations with him and wake up to find an email from him sent at the same time as the dream (and he is not an emailer...I only got them during the dreams).

I chose to walk away from it (for complicated reasons) but its like he is always there...always. I think about him all the time. It actually breaks my heart and is actually so painful to be apart from him. I truly feel like "love" does not even give a boundary or description to what this is.

Weird coincidences happen constantly which push him to the front of my mind. Still.

I was not a believer in this sort of thing until this happened and it caught me totally off guard. But afterwards I started researching soul-mates, to try and make sense of this. What I found is that we have lots of soul-mates and we match up with them when its time for us to learn a specific lesson of each other. And not all soul-mates are meant to be life mates like some people think. They are just milestones and lessons along the way. And then there is something called Twin Flames which are much more intense and there is only one Twin Flame match. You should do some research on it too. I think you would gain a lot from the information.

I know that some people are going to laugh at that. But I don't care. I just wanted you to know, OP, that I know what you are talking about and I think there are other people who do too.

Originally posted by timidgal
Has anyone ever suffered the experience of having someone in their lives for a relatively brief amount of time and after that association ends, for whatever reason, you can't seem to stop thinking about that person for an unusually long period of time?

I have been struggling with this situation for over two years now and am somewhat shocked by it. I became friendly with this man, an acquaintence I met through a friend, and in spite of the fact that we were both very different, we just clicked. This was very strange for me because from my prior life experiences, I am not terribly trusting of most people but for some reason, this was different. It's as if I was drawn to him. We would speak first thing in the morning and last thing at night but it never progressed beyond a playful friendship. We would occassionally have dinner together and ended up sharing many thoughts, ideas, hopes and dreams we had never shared with anyone else. At times I felt an absolutely certainty that something "more" would eventually happen, but what that "something" was I was never clear about. I had many other friends I knew longer and trusted on a much deeper level but for some reason, I was drawn to this person (not neccessarily physically but spiritually even though we were of different faiths). In the end, my unnatural attachment to this him worried me and I tried to distance myself. He responded badly and did some things that were, in my eyes, unforgiveable. I haven't spoken to him since.

This is the weird thing, though. More than two years have passed and there's not a day that goes by when I don't think about him or miss him terribly and it's not just a regretful type of feeling but a deep deep sense of loss that I can't seem to shake. I'm not the same person anymore and feel lonely all the time, even when surrounded by my friends and family. I can only liken it to feeling like I missed something great that was intended for my life and there's now this void that I can't seem to fill. In essence, I feel at times like I'm haunted by this person and would do practically anything to make this sense of loss end. I think that two years is long enough for the adage "time heals all wounds" to have had its intended affect. I've dated people and made other friends. I've derived pleasure from these relationships but they still don't take away this feeling of loss and grief (for lack of a better word).

Two more things. My best friend practices the Wicca faith and much to my chagrin and without my knowledge, she cast a spell several years ago. I was furious when I found out but didn't place much stock in it because I didn't really believe in it. The second thing was that someone, a stranger, recently stopped me in the street and kind of freaked me out. He stared right into my eyes and took my hands and then said that I was so sad and had to take steps to protect myself. He said he was frightened for me (mind you, I had never met this person in my life) and offered to put a seal around me. I told him that I knew protection spells and meditated on them frequently. He said he was sorry, wished me luck and walked away. I walked away thinking "wtf??". Why would I need a protection spell?

Now, I've had some experiences with the paranormal in my life, but this is different and I'm not sure how to stop it. I'm fairly sure that this attachment is always with me and though I don't remember the specifics, I've woken up a few times crying and am left with the impression that I had dreamed about him. I'm exhausted and drained. Has anyone else ever experienced this and if yes, what did you think it was about and were you able to break it? Does anyone have any advice as these feelings are completely draining me. I feel like I'm stuck in a time warp unable to move forward. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Timidgal

If you still have feelings for this man..

find him..

tell him..

how upset would you be if you found out it was too late to tell him..?

source: personal experience