Haunting Connection to Another Person

Has anyone ever suffered the experience of having someone in their lives for a relatively brief amount of time and after that association ends, for whatever reason, you can't seem to stop thinking about that person for an unusually long period of time?

I have been struggling with this situation for over two years now and am somewhat shocked by it. I became friendly with this man, an acquaintence I met through a friend, and in spite of the fact that we were both very different, we just clicked. This was very strange for me because from my prior life experiences, I am not terribly trusting of most people but for some reason, this was different. It's as if I was drawn to him. We would speak first thing in the morning and last thing at night but it never progressed beyond a playful friendship. We would occassionally have dinner together and ended up sharing many thoughts, ideas, hopes and dreams we had never shared with anyone else. At times I felt an absolutely certainty that something "more" would eventually happen, but what that "something" was I was never clear about. I had many other friends I knew longer and trusted on a much deeper level but for some reason, I was drawn to this person (not neccessarily physically but spiritually even though we were of different faiths). In the end, my unnatural attachment to this him worried me and I tried to distance myself. He responded badly and did some things that were, in my eyes, unforgiveable. I haven't spoken to him since.

This is the weird thing, though. More than two years have passed and there's not a day that goes by when I don't think about him or miss him terribly and it's not just a regretful type of feeling but a deep deep sense of loss that I can't seem to shake. I'm not the same person anymore and feel lonely all the time, even when surrounded by my friends and family. I can only liken it to feeling like I missed something great that was intended for my life and there's now this void that I can't seem to fill. In essence, I feel at times like I'm haunted by this person and would do practically anything to make this sense of loss end. I think that two years is long enough for the adage "time heals all wounds" to have had its intended affect. I've dated people and made other friends. I've derived pleasure from these relationships but they still don't take away this feeling of loss and grief (for lack of a better word).

Two more things. My best friend practices the Wicca faith and much to my chagrin and without my knowledge, she cast a spell several years ago. I was furious when I found out but didn't place much stock in it because I didn't really believe in it. The second thing was that someone, a stranger, recently stopped me in the street and kind of freaked me out. He stared right into my eyes and took my hands and then said that I was so sad and had to take steps to protect myself. He said he was frightened for me (mind you, I had never met this person in my life) and offered to put a seal around me. I told him that I knew protection spells and meditated on them frequently. He said he was sorry, wished me luck and walked away. I walked away thinking "wtf??". Why would I need a protection spell?

Now, I've had some experiences with the paranormal in my life, but this is different and I'm not sure how to stop it. I'm fairly sure that this attachment is always with me and though I don't remember the specifics, I've woken up a few times crying and am left with the impression that I had dreamed about him. I'm exhausted and drained. Has anyone else ever experienced this and if yes, what did you think it was about and were you able to break it? Does anyone have any advice as these feelings are completely draining me. I feel like I'm stuck in a time warp unable to move forward. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Timidgal

Odd situation, I sincerely hope you manage to figure out a way to sort this out.

It sounds to me like you could have actually been in love with this guy and the void he has left is the heart-break feeling we all get when we lose a loved one. The only odd part I guess is that after 2 years the pain should have lessened if not almost gone completely.

I wonder what this unforgiveable act of his was?
Also would you be in a position to try reconnect with him if you thought it may help? Could he ever be forgiven for what he done?

I know nothing about spells/witchcraft but to me it just seems like you need this guy in your life.

Peace

Originally posted by Tachalka
Odd situation, I sincerely hope you manage to figure out a way to sort this out.

It sounds to me like you could have actually been in love with this guy and the void he has left is the heart-break feeling we all get when we lose a loved one. The only odd part I guess is that after 2 years the pain should have lessened if not almost gone completely.

I wonder what this unforgiveable act of his was?
Also would you be in a position to try reconnect with him if you thought it may help? Could he ever be forgiven for what he done?

I know nothing about spells/witchcraft but to me it just seems like you need this guy in your life.

Peace

Thanks for your response, Tachalka. Believe me, I've given that thought great consideration but like you, I feel that two years should have at least dulled this feeling and it hasn't. The unforgiveable act was betrayal (not physical but emotional). He used private things I had shared with him against me to benefit his own position and being the kind of person I am, I really don't know if I can ever forgive or trust him again. Harsh, I suppose, but he knew it going in and did it any way which is a pretty clear signal to me. As for seeing him again, I think I'd rather (enter any generic description of torture).

As for the spells/witchcraft, I really only mentioned that because I once read something about things coming back to affect you threefold. Not sure of the exact saying but I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on this belief.

Anyway, thanks for the acknowledgement and I'll just keep treading along until the day finally arrives when i open my eyes and it's not the memory of his face that greets me.

Timidgal

Yes, Tachalka has the right idea, I think it is very simple...

Love.

To paraphrase an obscure 80's cartoon:

John Blackstar: "Where I come from, the most powerful force in the Universe is Love."

Overlord chuckles: "They haven't seen the Powerstar!"

These deep connections that we form have been an important part of holding the family unit together, but for whatever reasons this relationship does not appear to be working and I have no idea about its future. If there is no hope for it and you want to move on there is one psychological trick that can disrupt these memories. Care is needed using it but it is one thing that can help with bad memories.

Picture the man, then change something small with it like give it a mole, glasses or moustache. Then picture him with something else changed and continually keep doing this but gradually make the changes more substantial, hair style and colour, facial shape, psychedelic skin tones. Do this same process of continually change how you picture and remember with other common memories and eventually your memories will become blurred, hazy and start to fade away.

If on the other hand there is a chance of a relationship but a few unresolved issues then try working on them instead. Talking and understanding where he is at will help if you are undecided.

reply to post by timidgal


Well Timidgal.. try living that way for over 15 years...felt/feel this everyday. somedays less, however never goes away.
Tough call in getting around it.. maybe I don't want to.. but just knowing she lives brings me comfort.
Jesse

been there, still doing that. she came and went but not the feelings I developed too late for her.
she admittedly liked me a lot when we first met and I liked her too. we had such a deep connection for the longest time.
at the time I was not ready to be apart of anything though. I met her on the first day of a new school, living out of a hotel, I had just lost everything I ever owned in a house fire in the area I had just moved to and didnt want her to be hurt in any way.. she still lives just down the road I think, but she doesn't want any part of me, that's clear, because I was clear at the time, I couldn't for the sake of her, she doesn't know this though.

I can really relate to your story.. I have been through a lot in the past few years, on top of that guy troubles, I am very untrusting of anyone. Me and the ex broke up a few months ago... Very torn up about it, but was over it soon enough I realized I just liked having a warm body and I was making myself miserable.

I was in a good state of mind a while, and then I was on a trip and I met this guy.. I don't know what it was or why, but I just felt enamored by him. Even thinking of him right now I have a deep warmth in my chest. It was maybe two hours and I knew that I couldn't imagine not knowing him.. Like we were connected somehow and we had met for a certain reason.. I felt open and real and beautiful, the person I want to see myself as.

I spent a few days with him, and I knew I didn't want anyone else, I was content on just leaving everything and continuing on with him. But I came back down to earth and realized I couldn't do that of course, I am not the one to run away like that and I have so much going on in my life that I would need to do it the right way. He didn't like that I couldn't take a risk and just get out into the world while I am young, but I have my own reasons for staying where I am.

Gradually of course I stopped talking to him, me being neurotic I don't do well with relationships in our technology ridden world. There isn't a day where I don't think of him a few times. I always want to call or text, but of course that would be inappropriate on my part. It's a lot more complex of a situation but that's the main overview..

I feel like there is a hole in me, there isn't another way to describe it. I have spent some time with my ex and even that is not the same anymore. It is well beyond physical connection, emotional connection, it was something I haven't felt before. He was very deceitful, and since I only pretend to be naive I could see his manipulations. He's a smart man, and he had the tongue of a snake. But I am a liar myself, unfortunately, and it was not any of his words that made me feel like this. I have used my cunning skills to deceive men, and let them sweet talk me before, I am not innocent in any sense, so I know that this connection I feel is not normal.

I try to forget, and I don't. I go to sleep and I dream of him, unaware in my dream that it isn't reality. It makes me consider alternate universes in that sense.

If I am meant to be with him? I don't know, I do know that I have to see him again in my life. My existence felt meaningful with him. I am a Gemini and he is a Sagittarius.. As flighty as he is, he's my opposite. He balanced me out, a perfect way to describe it. I can just feel his existence. I feel crazy coming to all these conclusions but it's such an odd and painful thing.

Maybe certain souls really are connected, and when they meet they can't part. Hopefully if your connection is real that he is feeling the same. Have you tried talking to him at all recently?

reply to post by timidgal


To me, its simple. You dont know what youve got till its gone.

reply to post by Signals

To paraphrase an obscure 80's cartoon:

John Blackstar: "Where I come from, the most powerful force in the Universe is Love."

Overlord chuckles: "They haven't seen the Powerstar!"

Thanks for taking the time to respond, Signals. That seems to be the general concensus and although I was hoping for a different answer, I suppose it is what it is...

In any event, as a show of my appreciation, I hope you'll enjoy this (your quoted portion starts around 57 secs):

Thanks again - TG

reply to post by kwakakev

Thanks for the advice, kwakakev. I realize there's a positive purpose for having these innate feelings, but it stinks when it affects you in a negative way for such a prolonged period of time. There's definitely no chance of reconciliation so I'll give your memory modification technique a try.

TG

Originally posted by jessemole
reply to post by timidgal

 

Well Timidgal.. try living that way for over 15 years...felt/feel this everyday. somedays less, however never goes away.
Tough call in getting around it.. maybe I don't want to.. but just knowing she lives brings me comfort.
Jesse

So sorry for your pain, jessemole, and I give you great credit for being so unselfish in your love for her in spite of your own pain. I hope that I can rise to that level some day but the anger seems to sap that ability right now.

TG

reply to post by yourmaker

....but she doesn't want any part of me, that's clear, because I was clear at the time, I couldn't for the sake of her, she doesn't know this though.

Somewhat similar situation here, yourmaker, but I can't profess to have had the same unselfish motives as you. When his actions hurt me, I knew that I had to protect myself from eventually rationalizing them so I made sure that he would never want anything to do with me again. I guess that I still believe it was the right thing to do although I'll admit that I sometimes wonder if I didn't jump to certain wrong conclusions. Not sure if that's part of the denial or not but it makes no difference now.

Thanks for sharing your story and I hope that time has dulled that ache for you - TG

reply to post by timidgal


Ok. One last thing about it, once you have built up a bit of momentum with altering the picture try and increase the speed of changing the picture as well. It may take some time and a few attempts, I would like to hear how you go with it.

reply to post by PrincessofSwords

Thanks so much for your honesty PoS. So many of your descriptions about the feelings that remain with you and the way you felt connected to him, in somewhat of a preternatural way, describe my situation to a tee. Right now I feel like an empty shell just going through the motions of trying to find my equilibrium again (pitifully so even after two years). I've always been ultrasensitive to reading others' true motives (even beyond what most people would call common intuition which is why I don't trust most people) but somehow, he got passed my spidey radar. Maybe part of my inability to let go is because I'm mad at myself for letting that happen or maybe because my spidey sense has really never been wrong before, it leaves me with just enough of a lingering doubt to torture myself over whether I made a mistake; either way it's irreparable and it sucks!

As for how he's feeling, I would assume that he's just gone on with his life. I haven't spoken to him in a very long time and couldn't imagine putting myself through that so I guess I have no choice but to suffer the consequences of that decision.

One last comment and this is intended for everyone who was kind enough to reply and share their own story and pain - perhaps we should be able to find solace in knowing that we're not the only one who has gone through this but the reality is that it's horrible for anyone to feel this way. I'm sorry for you for your own pain but incredibly grateful for your honesty and compassion. It's comforting to be able to let these feelings out as I really thought I was going crazy. I genuinely hope that your replies helped each of you in some way as well.

Thanks again for sharing your story and comments, PoS - TG

reply to post by amongus

And therein lies the bitterest reality of all...

TG

reply to post by kwakakev

Will definitely keep you in the loop...

I may be totally wrong, but I suspect the connection you had with him was "real" ie psychic.
it could be that he is simply a vampire and he has his hooks in you and is draining you of energy based on the intimate information you gave him.
OR better yet (and hopefully) it could mean that he is currently feeling the exact same way about you that you are about him, and you both really are missing something by not being together. you said what he did was unforgivable, in my world there is no such thing, everything must be forgiven because to not forgive only hurts you. if its not true love, then maybe he is simply a lesson you need to learn and you a lesson for him.

the easiest and fastest way to fix all this, is to get in touch with him, or first find out from a mutual friend or whatever how he is doing.

if he is doing great and has a girlfriend/wife or something, then hes likely a vampire using you for energy. in which case you have to focus more on denying him access.. that is.. DONT THINK ABOUT HIM, when a thought of him enters your head, say "thanks but no thanks" and GIVE IT BACK.. its not yours anyway.

if he is doing badly or at least, as bad as you.. then i would make a point to have lunch or something... have a little talk to "clear the air"

hmmm, I'm going to take a different approach here. and btw, what you are feeling sounds like infatuation. but what I wanted to say is, maybe timidgal you should hone your people skills. why in hell would you share your personal innermost thoughts with someone who turns around and uses them against you? maybe you don't know people quite as well as you think. maybe your ability to read another is askew. it's called discernment. work on it before you take anymore leaps of faith. ~~ and to the other commentor who claims to be a liar herself and then wonders why life dumps on her ~~~ oy!, I think that is called karma, ain't it. I'm not sure how old you people posting are but you all sound like you need to grow up. look around, there is plenty in the world to occupy yourself and your time. get a hobby, volunter at a homeless shelter, deliver meals to those less fortunate, volunteer for the wounded warrior project in your area and meet quality people. but most of all, stop being so selfish and me me me. if nothing else I think you will sleep better and have happy dreams.

reply to post by BohemianBrim

You make MANY excellent points, BohemianBrim. It's ironic that I've been consciously trying to focus on making myself a better person and yet your comments about forgiveness highlight how I've been rather selective in this regard. I've been talking the talk but not walking the walk and I thank you for pointing this out to me.

Also, your comment about his being a psychic vampire meshes with a possible explanation for why that stranger approached me on the street and said I needed protection; when this whole situation occurred and I distanced myself from him, that was my belief. He works for the government and when the stranger made this statement, perhaps I catastrophized his meaning (thinking he meant physical protection) and missed his intended message. Then on the other hand, you're also right in that I'm a sensitive and my grief might be intensified because I'm picking up on his feelings in addition to dealing with my own.

You offer great advice and I'll give it all some very serious consideration. Thanks so much for your input - TG