This was a reply to another persons comments in a thread about a quiz. to see what your religious belief system is.
I realized after posting it, it was a bit off topic and long for the thread it was in. So I am starting a new thread to share this. I had a revelation
today while debating in another religious thread...I think I will stay away from this board from now on...unless I have something nice to say
I want to word this reply very sensitively because I am really not trying to be offensive at all!
Ok here we go...
I had a rough youth, saw things kids shouldn't see as well as understanding things kids should not understand! There are people who have had it much
worse than me, much worse and I am thankful I was never severely physically abused, or sexually....just came from dysfunctional people who should not
have had children together or at all.
I moved a lot and seemed from the age of understanding on, I always stumbled into church somehow! On the first day of school I always met a girl who
would invite me to youth group etc.
I moved every few months across states so this was a very odd occurrence. I loved church, it was the one bright spot in my week of darkness at home. I
went alone, my parents and siblings chastised me and even made fun of me when I would "witness" to them. However church kept me going, the lord if
you will was there for me.
However I was THAT girl, the one who asked questions there were not answers for or made her sunday school teacher uncomfortable.
I once stopped getting picked up by one church bus for this very reason.
As I got older my questions only increased and I got very few answers. Experiences I had, were not lining up with the scriptures or the common
doctrine. One minister who I confided in, who said he had the very same questions and similar experiences helped me some. Curious side note, within 6
months he left the ministry....after 40+ years. He now teaches a more spiritual based message.
Anyway, and I was married into a hyper religious judgmental family with sooooo many nasty skeletons in their closets it isn't even funny! They
committed and ignored criminal acts and prayed it out instead of taking the proper routes.
Anyway, I saw and witnessed so many sad hypocritical things....in church. If Jesus was so loving and accepting, why were his followers so close minded
My life was depressing, I was yearning for answers for peace and there was none found inside the walls of church....only guilt and a feeling of never
being good enough. Which I was taught was a good thing...oh you never want to feel good enough, you always want to be yearning...
Somehow this state of being is supposed to bring peace?
Anyway, my marriage was crumbling, more religious guilt...what am I doing wrong! Reading so many christian self help/relationship books. No peace.
Left husband, left church...left in seek of answers. I was having a crisis of faith according to my Christian friends.
I was THINKING! so what... is thinking the opposite of faith?
I began to find answers and understanding and you know what PEACE!
No more guilt, no more yearning.
While I am still learning more and more each day, I am no longer in this guilt ridden limbo! I am good enough!
Anyway which brings me to today...without the grace of the lord shining down on me.
Things and opportunities have opened up for me, apartments, jobs, schools, classes....money has just fallen in my lap exactly when I needed it!
I have not been without once in more than 2 years! I am truly happy for the first time in my life....
So I too have had life fall into place time and time again..without the help of a savior.
Do I believe in a higher power? YES!
I have even prayed for peace to God in times of need (fear of flying) and felt peace.
After debating with people today, I had a sort of mini revelation.. a bit of shame and sadness as well.
Who am I to argue with what anyone believes. Everyone believes and has exactly what they need...and if they don't and keep searching for it,
eventually they will.
Some don't need organized religion to feel peace and love....
Some need organized religion and the rules and the promise....
and even if you don't want to believe in something...heck you can believe in that too.
I have many many friends who are Christians and the look in their eyes when they worship THEIR God, is peace...They are comfortable and happy and in
love with their Savior....
They feel just as much peace as I do, believing in what I believe.
I may debate but I am going to try and keep in check, I don't ever want to diminish some ones belief system again...I am not going to change their
minds...just as they wont change mine.
I am going to try and be a better person in this area of discussion!
Edited to add: I was so excited to find ATS and discuss things with like minded people..this is the first time I can really speak to people about my
beliefs in such an open forum and way! It is exciting, and I just want to try not to get carried away, or egotistical when people believe differently