Off Topic Thread!!!

Today's topic....lawn maintenance.

Apply the product from the back, to the front, then simply fluff the 'do' into shape. Then slowly drizzle the oil in while running the food processor on high...don't forget to check the air filter occasionally!!

NC

UPDATE ON FEDERAL EXPRESS BOX.

I know someone is after me, i didnt dream it would be my dear mother.

I became violently ill last night after i ate one of the goodies.

MY OWN MOTHER.

So, Mom. i'm onto you now........:shk:

Next time, send MONEY.

There I was, getting ready to go out for some breakfast, and my darned shoelace broke while I was tying my shoes!

I gotta' go till the garden and get some tomatoes planted.

I guess i'm well enough to vaccum with my Orek XL.

I wish Ron Popeil made it. The house would vaccum itself, and be able to cook a chicken in 45 minutes.

Ron just doesnt care anymore.

My computer just restarted for no apparent reason!

Oh, Noooooooooooooooooooooo!............

`Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.

`Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,' said Alice: `three inches is such a wretched height to be.'

`It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).

`But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And she thought of herself, `I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended!'

`You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.

This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went, `One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter.'

`One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to herself.

`Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.

Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question. However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.


.

The definition of dumb:

One who thinks mushrooms come from the sea.

Originally posted by dgtempe
One who thinks mushrooms come from the sea.

Isn't there a type of mushroom that grows on the sea floor? Linky


And to remain off topic,

.

straying dangerously close to being on-topic there, dgtempe. Haven't you been warned about this sort of thing ???

If I say to you that two plus two equals is five, it means nothing. I'm mark myself as an imbecile. . .

But if Big Brother says it, when Big Brother says it, then two plus two becomes five. Forever and irrrevocable.

You see that now, don't you, Winston?

.

Be glad you still own your gizzard.
Mine was blown away in a blizzard.

in 1922, Sir James Frazier wrote a work of comparative mythology called The Golden Bough.

Jim Morrison was an avid reader of this text and incorporated some of it's vague chapter titles into lyrics of his songs:


Ch. 60. Between Heaven and Earth
§ 1. Not to touch the Earth
§ 2. Not to see the Sun

The airedale terrier is referred to as the "king" of terriers. I have to agree.

NC

My hair is turning grey... and I am only 29 years old...

Tough life can do that to you...

On the bright side, I now look "wise"

Paperclip,

Can you see out of your right eye today?

I cant. Must be a stye (sp)

Why me, why me?!!!

And on the day when i'm going to a baby shower.....

Originally posted by dgtempe
Paperclip,

Can you see out of your right eye today?

I cant. Must be a stye (sp)

Why me, why me?!!!

And on the day when i'm going to a baby shower.....

My eyes are just fine today, but my arthritis is acting up :shk:

Spring has sprung
The grass is riz
And I know where dem birdies is...

:bnghd: and I just finished washing the car too :bnghd:

Originally posted by paperclip

Originally posted by dgtempe
Paperclip,

Can you see out of your right eye today?

I cant. Must be a stye (sp)

My eyes are just fine today, but my arthritis is acting up :shk:

My bunions are bothering me.

Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?

Think about it.

Could someone really live on a diet of bread and water?

I suppose it would depend on the bread . . . I mean, if they brought you a variety of bread, a different one at each meal, I bet you could deal with that for a pretty long time.

Banana bread
Pumpkin bread
Pumpernickel
Whole grain
Krazy bread from little Caesar's
French bread
Kaisar rolls
Baguettes
Hot cross buns
bread pudding (no, that probably wouldn't count, would it? It's a pudding, not still bread)

Pita bread
Cornbread
Cram, if you were held in Tolkienian prison
Manna
Tortillas
Matzoh

See, that wouldn't be so bad.