I don't know, horrible relationship story about friend.

This guy is just devistated. I don't know if he's going to make it. He is a very good and decent man who lives in the area and has been friends with me and other family members for a long time. He married another local girl who I knew and liked...until yesterday. When I found out she'd been cheating on him with his best friend

This guy actually put her through college and supported her for 8 years of marriage, paid for their 2 kids. Then he found some very graphic chat stuff on the computer that led to her being busted, turns out she'd been cheating with his best friend for almost half a year now.

I just don't know what to say or even do for the poor guy. I feel awful that these kinds of things can even happen!!!!

Yeah and to imagine he might even loose everything and go broke on paying child support.

Sad that stuff like this happens, she should lose everything.

Good luck with supporting him.

GM

unfortunately this is almost the norm in our world these days.....

All i can say for your friend is to stand up and put one foot in front of the other....and to be the better person out of this....

reply to post by Partygirl


If he divorces she will probably get custody and most of his stuff which is ridiculous. Should probably get a good lawyer and check his options to ensure he can see and take care of his kids without giving this other bitch money.

But he'll probably just be a beta-male and forgive, continuing get cheated on and #, aye?

Originally posted by Somehumanbeing
reply to post by Partygirl

 

If he divorces she will probably get custody and most of his stuff which is ridiculous.

How can that be if he paid for everything and she is the one who cheated?

We are still as small and religious community. If this happened, she would be finished in this community for ever!!!

reply to post by Partygirl


It's just an assumption judging from accounts i've read for a while. Doesn't matter who was at fault the woman often gets the benefits in the divorce.

Here is an idea!

Don't get married

Don't have kids

problem solved

Not like children these days have a good future anyway. It should almost be a crime to bring a child into this world.
At least for Americans.

Originally posted by Anoynymoose
Here is an idea!

Don't get married

Don't have kids

problem solved

Not like children these days have a good future anyway. It should almost be a crime to bring a child into this world.
At least for Americans.

No.

My dream is to have children, it is the most important goal in my life.

Deal with it.

Seriously, all you can do is be there. There's nothing much else you can do without escalating his hurt or matters in general. You should let him vent when he needs to, but also don't allow him to dwell when you're in eachothers company. Have a good bitch session with him and then go do something fun. If you try to ignore the problem and let him deal with it, he'll turn inward and let the anger build. If you get all wrapped up in the injustice of it all with him, you'll just add to that anger instead of allowing him to start dealing with what this means for his life.

Show your support but also don't get caught up in the ex-bashing, it would really just make him more upset. He needs to be able to let his frustrations and hurt out while someone listens, provides guidance, and keeps him from doing things he may regret (hurt people tend to lash out either for release of revenge).

That's just my mere two cents. Hope this helps!!

if you don't know when your girl loses intrest in you and is boning buddy boy ...

then perhaps this is a good life experince for the chap ...

sure cheatings wrong but to mess around on him and with his buddy under his nose and not have a clue ...


i guess women really would make the worlds best assasins?



oh btw for him being upset over it and all its only a temp phase and nothing makes a man get over it quicker then a replacement...


which means for the sake of the turn of events . You should hook him up with one of your hottie friends...

she gotta be at least a 7.5+ to even qualify for a quick fast recovery ...(thats 7.5 from a mans point of view not a woman)

he just needs another bone in his mouth and he will be over it .. then he can have another go at the fairy tale realtionship ...

There is a lot you can do. Tell him NOW to gather all his records, receipts, documents, everything he can get his hands on showing how much he paid for her support. Next, print out everything that he has incriminating her. Keep everything in a safe place where HE can't get to it if he caves to his emotional side and forgives her. Or better yet, make two copies of everything. I know one friend who had a great case against her cheating spouse go to crap because she had forgiven everything, tore up and burned the proof as a show of forgiveness, then she got burned again by him. Seriously, as hurt as he is, he will be even more hurt if he can't prove in court all he did to support her financially. A cheating spouse also shows poor judgement and this can be damaging for custody issues.

Also, just be there for him. He is going to be going through a roller coaster of emotions. Knowing that he has the support and love of friends and family will help more than anything. He may also have some health issues arise from the stress. You can keep an eye out for this as well.

If he has evidence and can prove in court that she was the one who broke contract in some way then she will get nothing, custody will be split evenly for a while then reacessed, she will only get child support as long as she cannot afford to pay for the children in the agreed upon custody ratio. If she does not work then Hell probably be awarded full custody until she finds adequate work. Then based on income, he may or may bnot have to pay child support.

If she did cheat and he can prove it, he won't lose a thing except her. Which in a case like this is terribly sad but better to find out now then when she begins to contract and transfer STDs due to her promiscuity.

Monogamy is a healthy choice.

He should do NOTHING........yet.

Gather as much information on this affair, gather as much information on the wife, gather as much information on the family (his) finances.

Speak to a lawyer.

Start divorce proceedings and go for child custody.

Claim child support from HER...after she has moved out.

Good luck to your friend whatever happens.

She didn't cheat with his best friend btw, he was just pretending to be. Your friend must understand this. Although trust will be a serious issue in his future, it's best in the long run. People must prove their love by actions, not words, and NEVER trust anyone who says "trust me".

If I ever married I would insist on a pre-nuptual agreement stating that if either party was unfaithful they would negate their right to recieve custody of any children in the event of seperation or divorce and would provide adequate child support for as long as required. No ifs or buts, simple and demanding responsibility.

What a bitch eh?

Why is it that in all the years I have been alive it is women who cause the most pain but rarely take responsibility for their actions?

Originally posted by Partygirl
My dream is to have children, it is the most important goal in my life.
Deal with it.

What about a partner to have them with?......Be careful.

Unless the father of the children, husband and friend gets similar or more importance in life (even the thoughts shared about it), there will be more children without a father and another woman who has shown she cannot commit to the responsibility of that thing called "family". Choosing the right partner if people want children is the number 1 factor. The wrong one because children are wanted is a poor and selfish choice and shows a person who wants children purely to meet their own needs, everyone will always play second fiddle to them imo.

Children without a father (or mother) are/get messed up big time and your friend and his whole family must now suffer. His naivity and her selfishness, the other man needs a good smacking too so he understands that messing with lives like this has consequences. Scars in a mirror always remind us....

Trust and mistrust are very powerful, often misused, always changing and followed by life changing events, big or small but always there.

If you'd said "my dream is to have a family" then I wouldn't have felt like making these comments.

I hope you understand my point of view and it was only said to inject some perspective (from a wishful husband/father), not meant to offend.

reply to post by Partygirl


I feel badly for this man...your friend...not only is he losing a wife...but a best friend too. Stay very close to him as the good friend you are...more than anything be available with a listening ear 24/7....listen and comfort. His wife and friend are the ones in the wrong...not him....this is such a tough situation...I wish I had more advice.

reply to post by Partygirl

I just don't know what to say or even do for the poor guy.

Tell him to get a lawyer make preparations to take care of the kids and to deal with the system, then go party and find a new girl. I think sooner or later it will happen and they will split, so why waste time waiting for it to happen.

some good advice, up above. gather up all the evidence. this is a very important step, because in a divorce its what you can prove. not, what you say.