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The path of forgiveness

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posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 07:53 PM
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Forgiveness plays a huge part in understanding what love is about. It is also a popular theme in books, movies, and songs but there remains an important question. Forgiveness takes work, it doesn't happen magically, so how would one forgive another person?

What has worked for you to forgive others in your life?
edit on 27-7-2011 by Ralphy because: (no reason given)




posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 08:08 PM
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reply to post by Ralphy
 


The forgive-ee has to be -repentent- , otherwise I would -never- even imagine forgiving a transgressor who's attitude was "So what".



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 08:12 PM
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reply to post by Ralphy
 


Empathy and humility.
edit on 7/27/2011 by AkumaStreak because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 08:18 PM
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reply to post by Ralphy
 


Time, perspective,reflection, and self respect.

Its always worked for me but, much easier said than done.



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 08:20 PM
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Originally posted by Ralphy

What has worked for you to forgive others in your life?
edit on 27-7-2011 by Ralphy because: (no reason given)


Dear Ralphy,

An excellent question. For me it was a long process. First I had to learn that hate is more hard on the person who hates than on the person who is hated (counterproductive), then I had to learn that the hurt we caused others was just as bad as what they may have caused us. The final place was knowing that when I die, I don't want to leave any baggage behind. We all make mistakes and hurt others (intentionally and unintentionally). I just don't have any place left in my heart for hate. I still get angry at times; but, now it is more frustration than anything else. Be well.



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 08:27 PM
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It helped me to learn that:

1) Forgiveness is a process; not a one-time act. Sometimes, it takes a long time, and has many different layers involved in it.

2) Forgiveness is an act of will (or a "series of acts" - see above). You don't immediately feel all warm and gushy inside when you decide to forgive someone, and you can't rely on your feelings as an indicator of whether you've successfully forgiven a person.



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 08:51 PM
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I can forgive others over time if they seem to have grown to the point where they feel legitimate sorrow for there actions. When they get to the point in there lives where they would never repeat the offending action I think is a good time to forgive. I find it much harder to forgive myself for one of the mistakes I made earlier in life. Though I feel legitimate sorrow I can't get over the guilt. I'm not sure I ever will. To this day it continues to weigh on me and lower my quality of life from depression. I think until the day that person can forgive me I will never be able to forgive myself.



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 09:07 PM
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Originally posted by Ralphy
What has worked for you to forgive others in your life?


This is a very excellent question my friend. What has worked for me is taking control of my own perceptions. Rather than look at people as if they should know better, I look at them as children (myself included) who are just learning how to play this game of life. Seeing all as children, what is there to forgive?

It makes interactions more loving and forgiving. In fact, life's little disagreements become meaningless.

With Love,

Your Brother



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 09:19 PM
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Originally posted by wiandiii
I can forgive others over time if they seem to have grown to the point where they feel legitimate sorrow for there actions. When they get to the point in there lives where they would never repeat the offending action I think is a good time to forgive. I find it much harder to forgive myself for one of the mistakes I made earlier in life. Though I feel legitimate sorrow I can't get over the guilt. I'm not sure I ever will. To this day it continues to weigh on me and lower my quality of life from depression. I think until the day that person can forgive me I will never be able to forgive myself.


Dear wiandiii,

But the beginning and end of your statement seems to answer itself to me. If you forgive yourself, you may find it easier to forgive others or if you prefer to do it the other way, if you forgive others than you may find it easier to forgive yourself. I forgave my ex and the other man, I cannot wait for her to repent in order for me to be forgiving, I control my emotions and do not give her that control over my choices. My choices are not dependent on her actions, they are mine. Just some thoughts to consider, be well.



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 09:26 PM
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reply to post by IAMIAM
 


Dear IAMIAM,

So nice to be on a thread with you again. I agree with you. There was a man who wanted to wrongfully cause harm to a friend of mine (business and career harm, not physical). I was very unhappy with the man and his motivations. I would call this man in public on his actions and words, he was in a position of authority and did not like it. Aside from the fact that my friend is a man of exceptional integrity and intent, he and I had been through too many battles with our backs against each other. This is a man that I love like a brother and I after my divorce I even ended up renting an apartment from his family. I began to hate the other man and I hadn't hated like that in a long time, then, one day in a meeting I decided that I could not hate him, that I had to respond to his actions and words; but, that I could not hate him. In that moment I saw him for what he was, just the kind of kid who would remind that teacher that she had not given out the homework assignment for the day. You know the kind that kiss up to the teacher and attempt to make everyone else look bad. In the end, just a big kid and I was able to forgive him.



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 09:36 PM
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reply to post by Ralphy
 


Great topic. Forgiveness is a main goal we should all be actively pursuing each day.

• I understand that I can not be forgiven, nor seek forgiveness, nor forgive myself unless I can forgive others.
• The Golden Rule: "Treat others the way you want to be treated." I want forgiveness and for others to not hold grudges against me, so I forgive others.
• I remind myself that I am not perfect.
• I understand that all things in existence, including emotions are impermanent. Grudges, anger, hate, and pain come and go. This helps me let go faster and more easily.
• When someone wrongs or annoys me, I make up an excuse for them. Example: This guy is speeding and just cut me off in traffic; maybe he is in a rush to the hospital to see a loved one.
• I understand that we are all one humanity, I understand we are all connected, my thoughts and emotions affect everything else, so I actively send out pleasant thoughts and emotions.
• Empathy, Understanding, Patience, and Love.


edit on 7/27/11 by Sahabi because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 09:53 PM
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reply to post by Ralphy
 




Through understanding, comes forgiveness.

And I’m not just talking about understanding others, but about understanding yourself and God.

Of course sometimes figuring things out takes time, before a change in your perception can come about.

Time as they say, is the best healer.


- JC



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 09:56 PM
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Originally posted by AQuestion
reply to post by IAMIAM
 


Dear IAMIAM,

So nice to be on a thread with you again.


Always a pleasure my friend. And, I couldn't think of a finer topic to meet again. Be well my friend, and kudos to the OP for the topic.

With Love,

Your Brother



posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 11:09 PM
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Forgiveness occurs to those whom blame themselves for thier own suffering.
edit on 27-7-2011 by SystemResistor because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 28 2011 @ 12:07 AM
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reply to post by Sahabi
 


Dear Sahabi,

I loved everything you said and gave you a star. There is one point I will disagree with, that is the one about justifying what wrongs people have done. You cannot forgive if they have not wronged. We have to accept that they have done wrong, not look for it; but, that they are human also and therefore imperfect. Be well.



posted on Jul, 28 2011 @ 01:09 AM
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When I left home I had a LOT to forgive. Especially my father. There was a time when I could not even look at him without wanting to put an ice pick through his forehead. Now I have a friendship with him, and I miss him when I don't see him for a long time. It doesn't look like other father/daughter relationships, but it is more than I ever hoped for.

Recently I realized I had really achieved forgiveness when, through his own shame at his past behavior, he was weaving an alternative history. I let him, because I don't want him to stay shackled by his past, either. Apparently inventing a new history is the only way he can live with himself.

True forgiveness is a CHOICE you have to make. You have to wake up every single day with the single-minded determination to make that choice. That choice means that when angry thoughts intrude, you consciously put them away and say, "No. Today I will not be angry or hold this against him/her." You have to keep this up until it becomes a habit.

True forgiveness is not about la-la-la forgetting. It's a daily choice to put the hurt & the anger away, and seek a better way.

WHAT IS THE POINT?

No one who has ever deeply hurt me has EVER apologized. I'm thinking of an early reply to this thread who said, "no forgiveness without apology". I could spend my whole life, waiting in anguished hurt and anger, for apologies that will never come. But why?

Some of these people are such bad people that they don't know or care the hurt they cause. Or they justify it somehow. Others, like my father, are imprisoned by their shame but still can't apologize because they don't know how.

But I'm not. I AM FREE. I am free from the anger, the hurt, the shame. I work really hard at making amends when I hurt others - or I at least try.

That is the point. Freedom. I am more free than the people who have hurt me, because I was able to forgive them. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with them - it's only about ME. Their apology is beside the point.



posted on Jul, 28 2011 @ 01:14 AM
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reply to post by Schkeptick
 


Dear Schkeptick,

Yes, freedom. freedom from anger and hate, that is the consequence of forgiveness; but, to get there we must indeed stop hating and that seems to be what you have done. I do not know how he harmed you, only how you forgave and that is something that others can learn from and improve their lives because of, be well.



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