posted on Jul, 27 2011 @ 02:13 PM
Ok brief back ground:
uK FEMALE 20. As a child ran away from places fearless, adventurous and also having a strange profound love feeling for the orient. Always having a
big attachment to dreams since childhood of which i spent 4 years in a very dark sick horrific dream zone. Dreams are beyond our explanation at some
Had many upon many strange concicidences happen, also if my friends were to say something about me they would say im strange as in i look like a
normal ish girl but everything about me is so out of place nothing can be grouped and also im impulsive and constantly reinventing myself both inside
and outside. I also think i may have been an area 731 victim in my past life.
Ive been reading ats for over 6 months now but never made a thread.
Now things are happening to me and i cant find much on the web. Its effecting me that much all im doing is meditating and re searching on the pc.
Dream life regression:
All my life i have had vivid recollections of my dream, most days as i start to wake up i realize i am dreaming and sometimes re-enter the dream
conciouss, this got addictive at one point when i was 16, to the point that i was sleeping for days not caring at all about my waking life.
But recently like say over the past year, at moments, any moments no specific reason i will recall a dream i had at a very very young ages. The dream
world at this age is nothing of description it something experienced with a human body but nothing about it is 'earthly' and its indescribable, i
have a feeling that the different ages i was and the dreams i had were on different planes or dimensions im not sure.
Now i can practically concentrate on remember a dream maybe think of a past one that i remembered recently and somehow a dream i had sometime near
that will suddenly come into my head. The big deal is: I have an element of control over it, because im demanding to see it.
My mind for the most part is free from thought.
Thoughts are there but im certainly not using my brain like i used to. I feel very aware of everything around me , and can only seem to function day
by day, planning is next to impossible as i just want to follow how i feel on that day. I have experienced ego death and i would have to do a separate
post really but basically we are all one entities having different experiences. I think
A few weeks before my mind became free i was experiencing weird feelings in my brain sometimes painful. Now my brain feels weird. YEP WEIRD. Its
making me abit paranoid to say the least.
When i first opened the door to phykedellic experience , it was relief because it was like that feeling i had as a child just desperatly waiting to
see the magic i knew was there. My intuition got stronger. I live in a house with lots of messed up 20 somethings when i was sixteen. Long story
I saw him one morning i can feel my gut is screaming at me something is really wrong with adam. I ask him if he is ok, he doesn't want to talk etc
theres alot of background but im trying to keep to the point. anywho he wont come out of his house, at my house there are about 11 of us all squatting
in a 3 bed house adam would not answer his phone that day or his house, i kept saying to everyone that something is very wrong and he looked seriously
upset this morning, everyone said he is attention seeking etc and didnt want to care about him quite frankly, i go to the bathroom when im overcome
with strong feelings of emotion and a certainty that hes dead, i mean at the moment it was like it had already happened and as if i accepted it
within. I broke down and screamed at the ppl i lived with to break into his house.
When we did , we found him dead. He had hung himself.
This was one of my first truths, because when we found him i was compleatly numb in shock and regressing the past moments before we discovered him.
Its like ive just woken up because everyday life isnt physically or physiologically the same anymore.
Everything i say and do is much slower and im more attuned to it. I feel people emotions its embarrassingly easy to read and unfortunately because i
am a light being and dont have much ego my emotions are always open and honest too.
My friends call me lulu pan, they say im an old soul who never grows up. My behavior and actions have been reduced to somewhat childlike in there
innocence and expression in the moment.
I have no motives but to have fun, help people, be relaxed, doing something fun oh wait i just said that.
You know the space between everything that existes (the air?) well i can constantly see speckles like invisible ones and its getting stronger to the
point where im tripping out.
SDeriously what the hell is happening to me im anxious to move forward and also find poeple experiencing the same things i know my post literature
wize is crappy but i just needed to quickly get some things out and i will build on it from there.
-diet: im only eating to fuel my body, 'bad foods' disinterest me
-most of the time my mind is blank and i find myself just staring and then the thought comes 'why are you not thinking?'
- I can discifer peoples emotion states like you can tell if the water is hot or cold.
- My brain is experiencing strange feelings in my head and the profound urge to meditate or do nothing
- when im with people my ego doesn't work and its not even that ive actually lost every will i had to care about it.
- i dont care about anything anymore , all you have is the moment and its all your existence is
- I 'know' when i die i become my true self in the dream galaxy.
-my hearing and sight seems somewhat more focused
- What ever i am believing is sometimes instantly sometimes slowly manifesting but not in the way like a shamen i cant conjure things!! (not
Anyway in essence of all of this my old life is completely meaningless im fleeing to Nepal Tibet to do whatever. I actually dont care i dont know why
but just to meditate for about a year i think i have to i cant function here in the uk. If anyone wants to join me please contact me. The plan is
spiritual freedom in the himalayas and if SHYTF IN 2012 then we have best bets on a safe spot too.
Thanks for reading go easy on me guys this was not the best i could of done but all im capable to do now with this new mindset, i find it hard to
concentrate on one thing for perdiods of times and to then organise it, hold onto the thoughts thats also difficult and even understand what im
thinking . OMG im so confused!!!