posted on Jul, 26 2011 @ 03:18 PM
wow! there is a lot of bitter and hurt in there, IMHO. it is not easy to impress emotion in lyric as well and as deeply as you are able. bravo!
that is a very long song, time wise (meter), I'm guessing, as this is a lot of lyric. constructive criticism, my two cents: a few of the phrasings
repeat or echo the same sentiment, thus you're using two lines of lyric but essentially conveying one thought or emotion. sometimes it's good to
strive for economy of words.
when we write lyric it is good to remember not everyone may have the singing skills you have. people often like to sing along and other bands like to
cover a good tune. some words are not easily sung; they may lack flow or a certain 'prettiness' we seek to attain. i had difficulty with the words
'encrypted', 'undercover' and 'atrocious'. in all fairness, if you heard me sing, you'd understand. you'd also know why i've often been told
"don't quit yer day job, kid"!
please do not take my feedback as anything other than an attempt to be helpful; in no way do I want to discourage your writing, nor insult your work.
and thank you, sincerely, for sharing.