A living nightmare...

So let me begin by saying 'i know a friend that...'

used to be get the highest grades in almost every class in highschool, other students said he'd go on to be a physicist or some important thing. But he was also ostrachised for being 'a geek' and never had a single friend of about 8 years. He was once told he couldn't hang out with the other students because 'he got 98% on his physics exam'. He becamse more and more distant and socially distant, spent months alone at a time, sometimes not leaving the house for months too. He went on to flunk out of 3 different universities.

He find the study easy but cannot deal with the 'project' sessions, as he gets panic attacks, is socially awkward and just cannot get through more than 3 months of university without being labelled a crazy by his fellow classmates. That's right, imagine giving a presentation to just 6 of your classmates and then your body starts to shake uncontrolably. You'd think he is crazy too.

He gave up on university, found comfort in alcohol. He drinks a minimum of 1 litre a day of hard stuff like whsikey and vodka, if beer then 6 500ml tins. Smokes like a chimney, still rarely goes out. Lost all self esteem. First suicide attempt was at 22 when he took 200 paracetomal in a blender milkshake. Yea, he knows 99.9% don't die from that, it was just a cry for help.

So what kind of a life is that? He has the intelligence to be something productive to society but doesn't have the social skills to get through 1st year of university.

And in today's world, a year gap in your CV is SUICIDE, not to mention being 24 and having no degree.

He feels humiliated be his lack of success, and lack of success with women, and yes, he has needs just like any other human. His mother is also dying of bone cancer and every time he talks to her it is all tears and no hope.

Is there a way out other than suicide? He's not looking for pity, but can't find a place in this world.

....theres always a way out. Your friend is not the only one with these issues. He himself has to be the first to take steps on improving and has to have the "want" to change.

Its not how you start, its how you finish.

If he's having social anxiety, you'd think his heavy drinking would clear that right up...

I'd suggest to "your friend" that he focus on self-improvement... seems he's got the brains but not the emotional intelligence to go with it.

Sounds like your friend just needs a boost of confidence.

i'm no therapist or psychologist but it sounds like he has a complex!! a very bad one at that . . .

my non-professional advice, be the best friend you can be!
maybe recommend professional help?

it's sad the way people turn out because of how others treat them =(

Endurance dude. I know it sounds like a crock but endure it.
I grew up with a suicidal mother. She was addicted to pills and depressed. Her boyfriend was abusive and stole things from her, yet she always returned.
She persevered and now she has a nice enough house, a good husband, she's off the pills, doesn't need a job, and has a beautiful three year old son whom she loves very much.

Things change. Endure.

reply to post by zaintdead


Funny, because I just wrote:

What Do You Do When Your.....?

All I can say really is if your "friend" has the intelligence, then he should figure out where he is going wrong.

However, that's easier said than done, hence my above thread, so all I can say it take it easy. Hopefully, answers to the question I posted above may well help of us..

reply to post by zaintdead


I'm sorry for "your friend's" troubles. "Your friend" should talk to someone in real life about these issues and not just on the internet. I'm sure "he" knows this. I have to add that alcohol is not what it seems. If self-esteem is an issue, alcohol will not help but will ultimately lead to deeper self-esteem issues. I'm sure "your friend" knows this because "he" seems very intelligent. Please let "him" know that "he" is a very valuable asset to humanity and if "his" attempts at suicide were ever successful, humanity would suffer for it. People are not always the nicest of beings, especially the younger variety, but that is all out of ignorance on their part. Please ask "him" to understand and forgive this point.

Is this post about someone else or you yourself? One thing I can tell you right now that the number one thing you need is to maybe to seek help, if you cannot find help, just know that us members at ATS are here to help in any way you can, if the person needs friends or someone to talk to, there's always people here to help. I can relate to myself and say that I suffered a break up a good 6 months ago and really feels like Hiroshima and Nagasaki. There are members here are definitely trying to help.

Tell this individual to join ATS, we are very welcoming and in no way on the verge of disrespecting any individual. That kid is only 24, he has the potential to do so much with his life.

If there is anything you can tell him, just tell him that it is never too late.
I have a story, you should tell this kid.

My dad is from Afghanistan and during the 80s he was bombed during a parade. Everyone thought he died but he actually survived the attack. He pretty much let go all of his med school out there and was around the age of 25. He then came to America, started undergrad at age 27, got accepted to dental school, and then graduated when he was 34.

Like I said before, tell that individual that its never too late, and there are good people out there in the world. That kid does not have any problems, its the society that he was brought up in. God knows, what he's capable of. If you can hear what I have to say, all I can say is that follow your dreams, don't give a rat's ass who comes in your way.

Get your stuff together, walk tall, and show what the world what the hell you're made of, forget suicide. Suicide is for people who gave up, and here it goes:

Imagine a country where everyday you see people getting raped, killed, or bombed and in the end still manage to keep a smile on your face. You see your mother, daughters, wives getting raped in front of your faces and in the end, you still manage to be happy. Think of what these people have to go through, and who still refrain from killing themselves. The moral of the story is....people always have it worse than you.

You only get one shot in this life, whatever comes after this I have no idea, but one thing is for sure, if the kid is a physicist, and that drives him to become someone, than so be it.

Live and learn. Don't ever think that there's no one out there. I am a medical student, if the kid needs help, send me a message. But whatever the hell you do, DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE.

The universe is your tutor, life is your classroom, you are the student my friend.

I have a friend with a lot of similarities.. He's on his 40s now, has been approved for Mensa, his first suicide attempt was at the age of 15. Being 40, with no exams, he's been doing some low-pay jobs for living, but is very deep in alcoholism... He's been on meds and therapy, but not been able to fix the situation in any way... But he's a very bright, sensitive guy, but social skills are almost non-existing. I just hate to watch beside his life, unable to advice him in anyway

Don't colleges have online courses? I wish him the best.

Why is it that the smart kids always get teased. I myself use to be called space man ( it was meant to be cruel).geek, nerd,strange etc.... All because I had a large vocabulary for my age a deep rooted interest in science, technology, nature and the unusual things.When I got to Jr high I stopped trying to be myself and started to not care about myself my grades socializing etc... Being teased causes deep routed scars that follow people into there adult life its so unfair I could have been something.

S&F

Your "friend" should consider the possibility that he has something on the autism spectrum. He sounds a lot like serveral people in my family who have asperger's syndrome. No one has the exact same experience with it, but there're many online tests you can take.
While it can never be cured, it's symptoms like anxiety and depression can be managed with medications. There's also techniques to help learn social skills, to enable him to form connections with the outside world.
Don't let him waste his time with therapists who don't specialize in autism, he won't be understood, even by them.
I was told by someone in my family, with aspergers, that he felt like he was always inside, looking through a window at the outside worls. This is not a normal experience of life.
I urge "him" to seek soulutions to his anxiety and lonliness. He sounds like someone I would want to be friends with, and has much to contribue to this world.

I'm very sorry to hear about your circumstances mate. I too have experienced something similar throughout most of the years I attended school and was subsequently left with a crippling social anxiety. As harsh as this will sound you've got to realize that you're at least partially responsible for the way things have turned out, admittedly a very difficult process in itself but typically we're treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated.

If you're not already at the point where you desperately want change you soon will be and when that happens yeah.. you can always blend a bottle of pills.. or you could take those feelings and transform them into the fuel you need to improve your life.. take the cognitive approach and confront the anxiety, for instance if you fear being in public places go to the most public of places and just stand there, maybe ask a stranger for the time or simply greet them. Nothing will happen, and your anxiety will start to dissipate. This is the only real way to conquer the anxiety without pills. (pills should be a last resort)

If you want to talk to someone who has experienced much of what you're feeling and has almost made it to the other side (still have bad days) feel free to drop me a message and I'll do whatever I can to help you.

Peace
- Ellis

@Zaintdead.. I'd really like to share some things with u, unfortunately I just tried to send u mail and got message 'You can only send messages to ATS staff'... If u could privmail ur e-mail address, I'll be more than willing to exchange some experiences and points of view with u

reply to post by zaintdead


Being 24 and not yet having a degree is truly not the end of the world. Honestly, I see so many people going back to school, some in their 40s and 50s. He is going to be 30 one day anyway... does he want to be 30 like he is now, or does he want to be 30 with the degree that he wants?

The point: he may feel too old to start something up, but he is only going to get older, and he can be older and also have the life he wants if he tries to. Its up to him.

If your friend has really been to a few colleges, he knows there are people of all ages there. And the ones that are 18 generally do not have the life experience to really know what they want to do... so that gives your friend a serious edge over them. Life experience, even the bad kind, is truly an advantage.

I would highly recommend your friend first decide if he really does want to stop drinking... because the decision has to come from him, not someone else.

And then i'd suggest he look up possible treatment online, and then talk to a doctor about them. As to the problem of the fear and anxiety...has he tried Beta Blockers? I've known a few people who could not get through certain social issues, and Beta Blockers seemed to really help them, including panic attacks during presentations. Maybe he could talk to his doctor about them.

I hope you also tell him to take it slow. He may not have a diploma from MIT by next month, but if he has made any progress at all, well, then he is on the right track.

And we could use some more sensitive, smart scientists out there, so I hope he goes for it!

Sound like anxiety and depression may be a key factor here. I had depression, I didn't want to leave the house unless I absolutely had to. I felt like I had absolutely nothing about me that was interesting to anyone so I had no friends. At least I thought I didn't. Thought about suicide, and actually stayed home from work for 3 days crying and laying in bed contemplating it, My kids needed me so I went on prozac and my whole life changed. I look back and say wow, I never want to be there again.

Kids can be so cruel. They don't realize the damage they can do to another person by teasing.

Your friend needs to go to the doctor, and see if he needs some medication. He needs to make it a point to get out of bed every day and shower and look respectful (it makes a difference in how you feel about yourself). Make it a point to get out of the house for a bit each day, even if its just for a short walk, or to the coffee house. Strike up a conversation with someone who seems friendly and happy. Something as simple as "I wanna try something different, what's your favorite drink here?" can start a nice conversation.

Take online courses, be productive. Have a project or a goal each day.

Social skills need to be learned, he needs to slowly learn how to open up to people again.

Self-esteem needs to be rebuilt.

Such a brilliant person needs to make something of himself and use the gifts he was given. There's a whole world out there just waiting for him.

reply to post by zaintdead


This doesn’t sound like a case of mental illness to me. It sounds more like what I call, “Poor Me syndrome.”

First off, not having a degree is not suicide. There are many who felt that college wasn’t for them and struck out on their own and were very successful.

I have retired at 48 and am a high school drop out to boot. A degree is just a way of putting yourself into debt for a very long time. That diploma is not a guaranteed job. You just have to have a get up and go attitude and not be afraid to take chances.

He apparently does not have the intelligence to be a productive member of society if he refuses to interact with that society. Maybe he should try working with his hands, get some practical experience by becoming a electrician, plumber or something. His interactions with people will be limited so that way he can take things in small steps. If he feels it is beneath him to do something like that. I have no sympathy then.

As for boozing it up, and his lack of female companionship, that more than likely is related. If as you say, he is so smart, than his rational brain should alert him when he looks into the mirror. Only he can get his act together. Only he is at fault.

Thanks for all the replies, i can see that people here are smart and careing...

Say he does have something like aspergers, alcoholism and whatever complexes come from growing up with that...

EVEN if he one day gets that bachelor degree, who would hire him? He'd be socially awkward during the interview, have a near blank CV, and have to explain about his disorder and alcohol etc. Not to menition having no idea how to fuction around co-workers in an office environment.

I just don't think he can find a real career... every job out there now has like 200 applicants and in this economic climate it really seems hopeless. It is hard to see light at the end of the tunnel.

reply to post by hqokc


Sounds like aspergers to me to Have a friend and a brother-in-law so afflicted. The friend is a computer guy who makes chainmail and jewelry, knows he has the problem and works very very hard to engage himself with other humans smart guy and straight up about his problem. Brother in law is geophysicist in oil exploration, spends his days poring over data points -- very smart would be much happier if he didn't have to deal with people, interestingly enough he loves history and biographies.
My vote is aspergers.

Contact me Zaintdead (skype, TS3 etc available..) I may have some aspects for u to consider...