I refuse to help a friend in need

A few years back I met someone. We had a small conversation and when it was done, I said "you're a cool dude, lets hang out."

The next time I saw this friend I gave them a little bit of ground rules for our friendship. I explained to them to type of person I am and suggested that there are things I don't wish to converse with them, as this is not that sort of friendship. I told them, "never bring up religion." I don't care what your beliefs are, or what you think is good morales and good for life. I have my beliefs and if they tried to sway my belief that I would no longer try to be friends with them.

So 2 years go bye and everything was cool, though we didn't hang out m uch, just sort of like a run into each other and maybe share a short conversation and go on our merry ways. Once again, because our conversations were getting more and more frequent, I reminded them they can't talk to me about religion.

Shortly after those 2 years, this friend started to drop some hints about their beliefs and their morals and their religion. I quickly stopped them and said, "listen, I dont want you trying to influence me." They were mad, and tried to get a few more words in suggesting I have it all wrong, and that what they were trying to tell me was something I needed to hear. They said it fell on the lines of things that I hold dear to me. I refused and said, "thats just your opinion."

So they kept quiet for a few more years and we became good friends. We spend some time together and shared some serious discussion. I was proud to be a friend.

Once again this friend began to talk about beliefs and morals and how I have it all wrong.. But they weren't trying to push me to believe them, they were only laying the guidelines to allow me to know what sort of person they are. I got extremely mad, so mad I called all my other friends and told them how immature he was and that "he is so disrespectful, I told him to not bring his problems to my door. I didn't want to hear what he had to say about it, and he is just thick headed and is such a loser." Some of my friends agreed, yet others said I was in the wrong, but I didn't care.

I am no longer friends with this person. I will no longer help this person, infact I wish to "ban" them if life allows such a thing.

Am I a bad person? I told them at the beginning they couldn't talk to me about religion and beliefs and morals.. so am I wrong?




please read the fine print.

reply to post by Myendica


Yes. Why be friends with anyone at all if you don't want to hear what they say? I am not saying you have to immediately change your belief system, but, would it have really hurt you to hear your "friend" out?

reply to post by Myendica


It sounds like you just need to mature a bit.

Once you become an adult you'll probably feel embarrassed about your past behaviour as it will also affect your ability to do business - a man with a bad reputation tends to earn less money.

These are crucial years in your life to form lasting networks, don't screw it up by being a dick.

I don't think you are a bad person but I would say you might want to look up a counselor. I have in 60 years never run into a person who actually laid out ground rules for a "friendship", I feel sorry for you that you are so closed that you can not even expose your self to conflicting ideas.

Putting conditions on a frienship from the start is never a good way to kick things off, infact had someone tried that sort of malarky with me I don't think I would call them a friend, just an acquaintance and that's only if we ever shared a social scene.

Frankly your being a bit of a crybaby who seems very insecure with your life choices, I doubt he will be missing you all that much and by calling your friends up to moan you have showed them your true self too
Not a bad person as such, just not a desireable one(I mean that in the way of 'not a desireable friend').
I guess if you are happy that's all that matters, right?

hmmm..If you specifically told your friend what you weren't comfortable with , and they ignored you over and over again, I say they have disrespected your wishes, and aren't really friends at all.

I do not understand how someone talking to you about what they believe can cause such a bad reaction in you, lots of people talk to me about what they believe, that does not change what i believe, niether does it offend me or make me angry, everyone is entitled to there own opinion.

That said, i would say that i am open minded on a lot of things, it kind of makes things more interesting i.m.o, it does not mean i have to convert or believe what anyone tells me, it is good to hear what different people believe, but at the same time i am strong enough to draw the line if i felt i would need to, without getting upset about it.

To me, it shows that you are scared to look at other possibilities to your reality, that is never a good thing i.m.o.
My neighbour who is 70 tries on regular occasions to get me to follow what she believes, this is not out of malace, but because she is happy in her reality and wants more people to feel the same thing that she does, which really is quite nice , but i just say i am happy you are happy, but i am also happy in my beliefs, and we agree to differ. That is a good friendship my friend.

did you read the fine print in my OP in the edit part? might give you some insight


this was a parable. of sorts

reply to post by Myendica


You're just as bad as what you assume your friend to be...

You're supposed to respect their wishes, just like they are supposed to respect you, but over something so "petty"...i cant understand. Its not like they stabbed you in the back or anything...its actually kind of immature. I think you owe them an apology

and I agree. I would be a horrible person if this was infact true. Regardless of whether I told them before or not.. point being, its stupid to get m ad at people or cut them off if they try to talk about something.

so whys it any different with a conspiracy website?

I agree with 6/7 responses
7/8 if you include mine

If you don't know what their morals and values are, I just wonder how you can consider them a friend at all? What if they think its ok to murder/maim/molest? Is that ok? as long as they don't mention it??

Originally posted by Myendica
and I agree. I would be a horrible person if this was infact true. Regardless of whether I told them before or not.. point being, its stupid to get m ad at people or cut them off if they try to talk about something.

so whys it any different with a conspiracy website?

I agree 100%

reply to post by Myendica


After reading the edit, makes more sense now. I agree with you in some ways. However; there are people who (for some reason) get entirely too fanatical when it comes to talking about religion. I believe this is why it isn't allowed. It just causes too many problems, because people are way too sensitive and close minded.

reply to post by Forevever


read the reason for his edit.

2nd

reply to post by Myendica


I would never try to tell a friend what they could and couldn't talk about with me. My beliefs are strong enough to handle hearing about theirs. If this person is not someone you wish to spend time with, then don't.

If I met someone and they told me we could be friends as long as I didn't talk about dogs (something near and dear to my heart), I'd say, "See ya later".

I'm an atheist and I don't have many friends who 'witness' to me, but if they do, I just tell them I'm an atheist. If they don't respect that, and continue to preach and try to convert me, then they don't respect me and aren't really my friends.

And no. You are not a bad person.

reply to post by Yfactor1980


yes.. this OP has nothing to do with religion or morals.. it was just an example..

Originally posted by Yfactor1980
reply to post by Forevever

 

read the reason for his edit.

2nd

please note, I was one of the few responses who didn't immediately call out "YOU'RE WRONG"
just expressing my idea in the form of a question (and I also edited to address his post immediatly above mine)

I get its a weak parable.. I dont even think its an actual parable.. but the point is.. how, if you talk about ridiculous aspects of life, can you not talk about one of the biggest aspects of life. the mindset of someone and how they get to that mindset? I find it irresponsible

reply to post by Myendica


I think parable is somewhat accurate a description - your story teaches something

while I don't make it a habit to talk to people about their religion - usually through general conversation you can inevitably come up with the context of their belief systems - I do not think Morals and Values are solely religion based. I think Morals and Values came first, and religion was built around them ♥

How can we ever be revolutionaries in this day, if we cant even talk about what the real revolutionaries produced and partook in constantly? it may be that our "inspiration" of revolution has been taken away, and we cant even mention its name without being shunned.

reply to post by Myendica


I for one do not care about other peoples "thoughts" I have my own, and no one has the ability to change that but myself so I really do not care if it is discussed, because it can make for good conversation. However; there are so called "radicals" out there that believe THEIR word is final and will do anything in their power to convince others of that.