I Shot Someone

Originally posted by budski
During continuation training in Belize I was patrolling near the border, and we came under fire after challenging them, them being an incursion.

I dropped and picked a target.

I put 3 rounds in his T.

Turned out he was 15 years old.

I can't let go of that.

It haunts me every day.

edit on 1/7/2011 by budski because: (no reason given)

You were under attack....you were defending yourself and your fellow fighters.....I am glad you have a conscience...and compassion...but you did what you were trained to do....in the old testament there were many battles where men of God needed to fight and protect and defend....many times lives were lost...they were not only defending themselves and their countries but they were fighting for God.

reply to post by spy66


Oh Au contraire mon cheri, if he shot and killed someone because he was given "orders" via being in a war than that is not considered technically speaking murder - it's called a "war casualty".

You see if the Government decrees either "war" or an "execution" that is not murder because the government can bend the laws to their liking.

Now, in my book, murder is murder period.

War is terrorism on a bigger budget (again my own opinion).

And again I wish to point out, this person went over of his own free will and invaded another country and shot and killed a child not in self defense, because he did not belong over in that child's country to begin with. If he had not joined up and become a soldier drone, another pawn, another elite's chess piece, and stayed home, he never would have come up against this person he murdered.

And in my book, going over to a foreign land is invading and shooting a person defending a invading force is cold blooded murder.

If this person, a "soldier" had not signed up, had not allowed to be used as a chess piece, a mere pawn, and invaded this foreign country - he would not have had to murder this child.

Many of the ex Viet Nam Vets I know have PTSS.

Why?

Psychological conflict, a major one............murder of another human being (and for that matter yes even animals) is wrong.

Invading another person's space is bullying and that is wrong.

Pushing your country's agenda (of world domination via a New World Order) is wrong.

Wrong wrong wrong on so many levels.

Even those who will taunt this post, know deep within their soul that bullying and murdering are wrong.

9/11 was a false flag operation.

The enemy isn't so much over there as right here within our midst, like a cancer eating our country and it's inhabitants from the inside out.

Ingenious war stradegy.

Again, for the hundreth time I pose the question - who is at the VERY TOP of the pyramid, calling the shots.

A good book to read is "The Gods of Eden" written by William Bramley, he took seven years of research to find out why humanity wars against each other....................what his research uncovered was truly astounding.

Simply calling a spade a spade.

You sign up, invade and kill a person on their land you are the invading bully and murderer.

And yes he's going through a friggin head trip - I've talked to many Nam Vets and while you're young you still don't totally realize how precious life is............the older you get and the closer to your life's end you come to, the more experiences you've had, the more (most people if they mature) see how very wrong on so many levels this course of action was and is.

I don't know what caught my attention to read the whole thread... I never killed anyone and I never was part of military unit... Therefore I cannot say I know what you are going through. That would be a lie...

Reading all the comments I was asking myself what your intentions are. Seeking fellow militaries here to hear their experiences, getting the religious point of view or just saying it out loud and not hiding it inside anymore...?

Again I cannot give you advice on this specific experience you had but I can tell you what I did in all those nonlethal confrontations in my life where I did something that haunted me and that I did regret every minute... I didn't move on... I confronted the situation and tried to pay my dues... In your case that would mean find the family of his boy and talk to them. If they don't wanna talk, apologize in a letter, if they even don't accept that do something good for the family. Are they poor? Do they have more children? I am sure you can come up with something when you honestly start to consider this. I know it's hard to begin but it's even harder to never have tried it...

All the best...

reply to post by budski


We need more people like you on the Mexican border...without a conscience of course.

Originally posted by budski I put 3 rounds in his T.

Sorry to hear that man...that sucks if you got a head shot that would have been 10 points. Live and you learn...well at least you live.

Originally posted by cyberslammer69
reply to post by budski

 

We need more people like you on the Mexican border...without a conscience of course.

Even better get some teams of snipers, set up some fire points on the roofs around up market clubs in LA, Dallas and Miami and start killing customers of decoy sniff dealers or following them home then blowing up their home and all their family inside, kill the demand and the supply will stop.

reply to post by beltemps


Starred, very very very good advice.

Find the boy's family................apologize and pay them money if they are poor.

Try to make some kind of compensation.

I know for a fact there is such a thing as Karma...........the old, what goes around comes around.

How to break this cycle?

Two words.

Love and forgiveness - love and forgive yourself first and foremost.

Next try somehow to make amends. If not to the family, to anyone else out there, that may need an act of kindness.

For many years I thought the Eastern Sages were screwy nutty monks...........the joke was on me, I admit, I was arrogant and ignorant in my youth.

Now that I am on a first name basis with the grim reaper, I see all too clearly there is such a thing as Karma, universal soul and we all are simply a part of a grand whole known to some as "god"

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/02406f0cc9fc.jpg[/atsimg]

u done your job m8 to the best of your ability
wen an ak is aimed at u regardless of age
natural and training reactions kik in
dont feel guilty sir
nor let this eat u up inside

You're just as dead if you are killed by a 12 year old, as you would be if you are killed by a 30 year old.

If you want to improve your Karma over this, join Big Brothers or find a teenager who is on the wrong path, and help him. You don't have to love him, just help him in whatever way you can.

And I love what the other poster, can't remember the name but I starred it, said about making peace with the boy's spirit. Talk to him, and let him know how you feel. (It's possible he already knows).

PTSD can take years to get over. There are treatments that can be helpful, but it's not easy. As you know.

It's the job you signed up for.
Sorry, I got nothin' to help here...

Originally posted by ladyinwaiting
You're just as dead if you are killed by a 12 year old, as you would be if you are killed by a 30 year old.

If you want to improve your Karma over this, join Big Brothers or find a teenager who is on the wrong path, and help him. You don't have to love him, just help him in whatever way you can.

And I love what the other poster, can't remember the name but I starred it, said about making peace with the boy's spirit. Talk to him, and let him know how you feel. (It's possible he already knows).

PTSD can take years to get over. There are treatments that can be helpful, but it's not easy. As you know.

hi i maybe drunk
but your words pierced me
u are absolutly right
this is the best way 4ward

reply to post by ladyinwaiting


Very good reply and that was Beltemps..........I starred his / her reply and hope you do too because making peace, talking to the boy's soul essence and asking forgiveness will ease some of the pain.

Also, I do believe in making some kind of compensation to the family and asking forgiveness and to never kill again.

The taking of another human's life force (myself/even that of an animal) is on a karma level very detrimental.

Again, what goes around comes around.

Karma is a %itch on so many levels.

We reap what we sow.............thus it is so.

I'm a simple old woman and have lived long enough to see this time and time and time again.

Myself, I think I opted for instant Karma, I get my hands slapped almost instantly.

For some it takes awhile but again, what goes around comes around - as above so below.

reply to post by ofhumandescent


As i said you didn't read the OP properly.

He didn't mention anything about being order to kill or of being in a war. But what he did state was they they provoked / challenge the counter part into a gun battle while on border patrol/exercise.

reply to post by budski

It's just as well that you left when you did. I know a couple of guys who transitioned from 'troubled' to 'complete nutter' because they didn't know when to say when. One of them is still serving and he's not getting any better either.

I'm sure that you've had enough of people lecturing you on the internet so I won't add an eight paragraph advice section. Stick with the therapy. Things will improve I'm sure.

reply to post by ofhumandescent


And now he is here, trying to find his way. I admire that. This situation is eating him up. The boy is gone.
The OP is alive.

I don't think hurting the OP more with harsh words is helpful to anything or anybody. He's doing a fine job of punishing himself. He doesn't need more hurt from us. He's acutely aware of what's happened.

Human beings place ourselves in all kinds of terrible situations, where we must make choices. Sometimes the choice is something we regret later. When that happens, all we can do is try to forgive ourselves for our poor decision, and try to make amends in whatever way is possible for us.

Originally posted by Soshh
reply to post by budski

 

It's just as well that you left when you did. I know a couple of guys who transitioned from 'troubled' to 'complete nutter' because they didn't know when to say when. One of them is still serving and he's not getting any better either.

I'm sure that you've had enough of people lecturing you on the internet so I won't add an eight paragraph advice section. Stick with the therapy. Things will improve I'm sure.

It's strange, but the replies that have touched me most are the more "aggressive" ones.

They've reminded me that I'm actually still a pretty decent human being.

reply to post by budski


You need to come to terms with this,he may have just have been a kid but he wanted you dead and you did what your trained to do and survived, it probably wont be the last firefight your in or the last death you cause, get a hold of it because next time it may make you freeze for a second and its that second that gets you dead. You may need to see a councillor.

It was either you kill him, or he kills you. You were a soldier in Her Majesty's Army and you did as you were trained and expected to do in the face of the enemy. He may have only been "a kid" but he was still armed and he was attacking you and your fellow soldiers.

Have you sought professional treatment? Trust me, as someone who has had friends and family in your situation it does help.

The background: Belize was formerly a British colony known as British Honduras that became independent around 1980 or so. For years the Guatemalans claimed Belize and so even after independence a significant British military presence has remained in the country to keep the Guatemalans from invading. Even today over 1,000 British troops are present in Belize. In the early-mid 1980s there were a series of border clashes between British/Belizean and Guatemalan forces (who often used teenage conscripts).

Originally posted by theHairInTheSoup
reply to post by budski

 

the positive thing is that now you know why the world hates you imperial yankees playing world police everywhere you should not even be

go back your country, take your weapons with you...

AND RESIGN FROM [snip] ARMY

edit on 1/7/11 by masqua because: Removed censor circumvention

You know you make your kind look had by not knowing anything about how it works. I would LOVE to just up and quit.....but you obviously have never heard of dictation by contract. And if you break that contract it stays with you.....forever.

Since it is clearly eating you i suggest looking for professional help - there has to be something for veterans in UK. ATS is good forum and it letting it out here releases steam but i doubt that it is good enough in the long run.