I can't decide if you are being truthful or not. Either way, I don't think talking about it with random people on the internet is going to help you. You should look into getting professional help if you can afford it. If not, visit your local mental health department. They will point you into the right direction and usually have some sort of sliding scale payment option. Good luck.

This is what you should know. At the time you did what training and the situation demanded. In the moment of battle we can't afford to contemplate big questions. It is likely your action saved either your own life or that of one or more of your fellows. That you feel the pain means you have not lost your humanity, and you should take that as a positive. Accept the pain will be part of your life and make peace with that. Live the rest of your life lifting up those around you as best you can. That is all that you can ask of yourself and none can ask for more either.

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budski - only usefull advice i can offer , sit down for a long chat with CSM or regimental chaplain

Take it this way: that kid was there to die. If not you, the man next to you would have killed him. If not that day, the day after he would have met another patrol and get shot. It was his destiny, or karma.
You protected your life, and maybe saved some other soldier's life.

Hard life's lesson. Soldiers are only toys of war in somebody's else hands. You are not a killer; and now you understood you're not a toy either.
There is such thing as karma. From now on protect life as much as you can; it's a fragile and precious thing.

Originally posted by ignorant_ape
budski - only usefull advice i can offer , sit down for a long chat with CSM or regimental chaplain

You're probly right.

I need to get in touch.

You said you resigned right? Well it was a tough way to find out what reality is all about but it's better for you to have found out sooner than later. I think the best way for you to handle this is to find someone that you trust that you can talk to. You just gotta let out how you feel instead of keeping it bottled up. Time will heal your wound, eventually.

I am inclined to agree with some of the other posters...this tale (admission or whatever) is too vague and seems to be lacking some very pertinent details...I don't need all the details...I am not the FBI...but a little more would go a long ways to understanding this.

Either way...15 years old or 50 years old...killing is killing...either you have it in you or you don't. If you have taken someones life then I doubt it is going to matter much to anyone how old the person was. I think killing a 15 year old is as bad as killing a 5 year old...or a senior citizen...does not matter...a life is gone.

If you have brought this to ATS to get it off your chest...well then again I am in agreement with some of the others saying that professional help might have been a better route...your anonymous here I suppose...but I doubt seriously that your going to get the help your going to need.

That is all from my corner...nothing further to add. Thanks for letting me share!

PEW PEW!

guns dont kill people ats members do.

You are a human being and I'm assuming not a psychopath. Of course you will not be able to let this go easily you took anothers life.
My father took an innocent life by accident in Vietnam and still cant let go completely to this day.

Originally posted by blackrain17
You said you resigned right? Well it was a tough way to find out the reality but it's better to find out sooner than later. I think the best way for you to handle this is to find someone that you trust that you can talk to. You just gotta let out how you feel instead of keeping it bottled up. Time will heal your wound, eventually.

I hope that time has that kind of healing effect.

I didn't resign so much as buy my contract - Premature Voluntary Release

PRV

sorry PVR

my dyslexia grows with every unit of booze lol

It could be Ptsd I have friends who are active duty and have had many confirmed kills and we speak of it often but Its WAR Get over it and yourself !!! People have confirmed kills every minute of everyday and they deal with it. I think you should see a professional and maybe talk about your issues before they eat you up inside and it starts to affect you ...More so than it already is obviously, Best of luck in dealing with it and I undewrstand you had no choice so let me be the first to say it wasn't your fault. When ever I have questioned an order or my actions to engage an enemy I tell myself it was either him/her or me thats always worked for me ...Peace and take care